Thursday, April 28, 2016

WHAT

•My sister lives next door to some religious fanatics.  Most of the fun things in life seem to be forbidden to the members of this family, including celebrating Halloween.  When my niece asked them why they didn't celebrate Halloween, the freaks told her: BECAUSE IT IS THE DEVIL'S BIRTHDAY.



•My co-worker is young, cute and enthusiastic, and the gents like to flirt with her.  A young man recently came into the gallery and she trotted him around and showed him the art. They stopped in front of one painting, and the man said he liked it.  She asked him why.   He replied that he responded to the darkness in the painting...perhaps because it reminded him of the hidden darkness within himself.  All I could think was: COME ON.  Huge eye roll.



•My second cousin was in town recently with her boyfriend.  They are both from Oregon, and they both recently graduated from high school.  They were on a road trip, driving all the way from Oregon down through California, then figured they would head east and maybe go as far as New Orleans before heading home.  When asked where they were staying during this rather long and exciting adventure, they said: "We just sleep in our car, which saves us a lot of money."  !!!!!!!!!!!



•The EX-boyfriend and I were driving around the other day when we saw a car that had this bumper sticker:
To which the EX-boyfriend said, "LeBron JAMES?  Is he even bumper sticker WORTHY?  Or is there another LeBron out there that this refers to?"  I don't follow sports that closely, but even I got this, and it made me laugh.




My neighbor has a bit of a punisher gene.  Last night we were chatting and he told me he had a story that I'd like.  He said a couple of weeks ago he was taking a dog for a walk when he noticed some jackass in a Mercedes had blocked the driveway of one of our neighbors.  Note: we live on a street with an elementary school, and it is a nightmare trying to find parking early in the morning when kids are being dropped off, and later in the afternoon when they are being picked up.  So anyway, this Mercedes driver probably couldn't find a legit parking spot, figured she'd just block a driveway for 10 minutes or so, and that it wouldn't be a big deal.  Meanwhile, my neighbor saw what she did and decided to take action.  The dog he was taking for a walk had just taken a shit, and my neighbor had said dog shit handy in a poop bag.  He took the poop (I KNOW - HURL) and schmeared it all over the Mercedes driver side door handle.  And then he went and sat on his porch to wait and see what happened. Mercedes lady returned to her car a few minutes later and was yammering on her cell phone and not really paying attention.  When she made her way to open up her car door, she paused, noticing a brown stinky sticky substance all over the door handle.  She quickly figured out what it was. BARF.  All the while, my neighbor was nearby, smoking a cigarette, enjoying the fine weather and watching the lady struggle to get into her car without getting dog shit all over her hand.  HA!!



P.S. I just updated this post to include "EX" in front of the word boyfriend.  4 years into our relationship and I discovered he has been cheating on me.  So that's unacceptable, and he is no longer in my life.  Over and out.