Thursday, July 23, 2009

Savage Love

Do you ever read the sex advice column Savage Love by Dan Savage? I love reading about people's sex problems and the advice that is doled out to them. Yay for Dan Savage and for all those that write to him.

Anywhoo, here is the a copy of his latest column:


Don't Talk Up Your Cock. Plus, Can I Dump My Mom?
By Dan Savage
Thursday, July 23, 2009

I'm a straight guy, and my first girl was very experienced—she was proud to say she'd been with at least 30 guys before me. When all was said and done, she said that I was the most well-endowed of any man she'd seen before.

In all my subsequent experiences, the women I've been with have noted that I am a well-equipped dude, though none of them expected it. A couple of times, this fact has come up in conversation (that first lady made a point of passing this news on to friends), and most people's reaction is to say that I'm just so unassuming that they wouldn't expect that from me. It's true; I'm rather shy. When it comes to women, I am the complete opposite of cocky.

So here's my question: Should I be advertising my "gift"? Am I supposed to be sharing my size with the world with the hopes that it pays off? Can it help me with the opposite sex to be sharing this fact early, or am I better off just letting the surprise kick in once it's time to get naked?

— Huge Hugh

It's better to be a nice, unassuming guy with a surprise in his briefs than it is to be another douchebag always going on about his cock, HH. And it doesn't sound like you really need to talk up your cock: At least one of the women you've slept with is doing that for you. Good word of mouth is the best advertising, HH, so chill.




I am a 21-year-old bisexual female. I've never really been close with my mum, and since I moved away from home three years ago it's gotten worse. I know that she loves me because I'm her daughter, but I don't think she likes the young adult I'm growing into. Yet she insists I visit her and stay at her house for weeks when I have time off from college so she can talk me out of liking anything she hates. When I'm with my friends, I'm quite witty and outgoing, particularly about sex. But when I stay with her, my personality becomes crippled and stunted by her authority. I seem to just end up not saying anything at all for fear of offending her. Last year I stupidly told her that I like watching porn, now it's something that she's always bringing up. For example, I got into a conversation with her about a recent breakup and asked her if all men were like my cheating ex. She told me that she thought his cheating was my fault—because I watch porn, she said, I must have been sending out subliminal messages that I approve of women being sexually exploited.

She raised me to be a feminist, but I can't bring myself to ask her if she would kick up this much of a fuss if I were a 21-year-old man who watched porn. I don't know what to do to make her happy, short of having some sort of aversion therapy. I feel really conflicted: Away from my mother, I feel like a confident, empowered young woman in my social life and my sex life; when I'm with her, I feel like this mute, angry, introverted little victim.

I know exactly what I'd do if this were a relationship, but how should I resolve a difficult mother/daughter relationship?

— Can I Dump My Mother?


If hanging out with your mother makes you miserable, CIDMM, don't hang out with your fucking mother. You're a 21-year-old adult—not a young adult, not someone "growing into" adulthood, but an adult already—and you're in no way obligated to spend all of your free time under your mother's roof. Head off with your friends over college breaks, travel, watch porn. (Or better yet: Make some porn—see thestranger.com/hump for details!) Head home for the holidays if you must. And since your mother is inclined to use the details of your personal life that you share with her against you, don't tell her anything about your personal life. Visit with your mother when you're home, don't let her depose you.



To read more, check out Dan Savage's column here.

54 comments:

Clorivak said...

Read this in our weekly entertainment paper always!!!

btw had a dream last night,very vivid...fresh in the brain. I hung out with conan o'brien at a bar before he was going live. It was pretty sweet, however I was super giddy, anyhoo the funny thing is I asked him if he ever talks about websites or blogs on the show and I wrote down yours and explained about the updo post and the various others that he was featured and that he would just love you. He was like "Drollgirl, huh?" bahahaha...he was very excited to check it out and more than likely going to tell the world...haha...it was pretty funny and seemed so real. I ate chinese food before bed..tska tska.

Pretty Little World said...

This is a pretty fabulous advice column!! This is sooo much more interesting than what I usually look forward to in Elle.

TheBeautyFile said...

oh my g-d...i can't read all of this now, i will have to save it to enjoy later! i am reeling from your comment yesterday on bananas' blog- about bruce willis' thing...

Zoë said...

im really tempted to check out that thestranger.com/hump and see what nonsense thats about hehe
(-_<)

Diane said...

i love reading these sorts of things too! i think i'd give good advice. i'm pretty good at staying rational. hhmm... maybe i should have my own column. lol

brooke said...

okay...just became a savage fan..love his blunt responses!

bananas. said...

dan's responses are the best part...quick and to the point. and the first guy, huge hugh (did he give himself that name?), sounds like the lead guy from hbo's hung. great effin show btw.

Char said...

hahaha, people are so funny about blunt, straight talk. they will take this advice from a stranger but if friend was so blunt they would freak.

i love the quote about advice - wish i could rememeber the source

'advice is something you ask for when you already know the answer, but don't like it'

♥Aubrey said...

Lets talk about sex!!! my oh my...i'm definately a savage fan now. Surprise...surprise :) Who doesn't like surprises?

diane said...

Love Dan, his advice is spot on.
Gotta go google Huge Hugh now and see what "pops" up, he he.

Tom Tuttle from Tacoma said...

what i like about coming here is that i actually read your readers' comments. it's like they work with you. great job.

the first one is almost like crafted (but yes i was nonetheless tickled) yet the next one's very real. cool.

ticklishfromadistance said...

Way more interesting than my horoscope, no?

The Haute-Shopper said...

Love his responses! Don't get to read this because... well, you know which part of the planet I live in. I've read some pretty hilarious sex questions in my life, but few get such honest and appropriate answers.

The Peach Tart said...

I've always enjoyed his column and I agree with his advice in both these instances.

I do have to admit though that I'm a crotch watcher so probably would have figured out the large member thing unless he was wearing some major tighty whities.

Maverick Malone said...

I've honestly never heard of this, but dan's responses are really funny!! Cool post!

xox, mavi

Brooke said...

Never read his column (I will now!), but I'm pretty sure Huge Hugh already talks about his "gift" whenever he can. Advertising it on an advice column is just icing on the cake!

kelly said...

ok dude...i didnt read your post yet but i am responding to your comment and i heart you...cuz i was gonna say its either i come home or its napalm death....(that band is pretty cool and i love agent orange omg)

and finally dude metalocalypse. me and hubs favorite show.... love and hate that ..its like 15 mins. xoxox thanks for the words of encourag ment! xoxox

down and out chic said...

i like this guy and the advice he gave to the bisexual girl is right on (i don't know about making a porn but to each his own). seriously though, boundaries with your parents people. words to live by for sure.

Waxy said...

I personally have never discussed porn with my parents and will continue to refrain from doing so - I guess I am old school...
That guy is nuts too wanting to advertise his junk...he should probably be more concerned with disclosing his STDs...

Gabby said...

I LOVE Dan Savage! My friends and I read his advice column aloud from the OC Weekly in the bar...good times!

Iva said...

Dan Savage can thank you for now having a new reader! LOL This is hilarious. This guy is hilarious AND gives great advise. Fantastic. Seriously though whats with Huge Hugh "should I be advertising my 'gift'"? wow. ... I'm pretty sure mortified isn't even a good enough word to describe how I would feel mentioning the word 'porn' in front of my mom....ummm as for his advise 'make some porn' hmmm maybe he pushed that one too far..still hilarious though! another fabulously amazing post!! LOL

Phoenix said...

Dan gives great advice -- amen to both his suggestions for those troubled peeps.

Kim said...

I think that the second one is great advice. Just because someone is a mother by biology doesn't make them superior in brain power. It's hard to come to terms with that though. We give far too much unearned respect sometimes.

Gabbi said...

Never read it his column before but really liked his advice on both letters.

The first one was hilarious I thought, I wondered how he planned on advertising? And the 2nd one I just felt bad about, poor girl. Her mom sounds horrible.

Dream Sequins said...

Have you seen that new show on HBO yet? Hung? It's not as entertaining as I'd hoped. But it reminded me of the first letter re: advertising one's willy.

Dream Sequins said...

Or is it willie?

Lianne said...

Why would anyone thing to share the fact that they watch porn with their mom? OMG. I suppose if I wanted to send my mom to an early grave I would discuss my sex life with her, but I don't want to know about hers, and I'm sure she doesn't want to know about mine. YUCK!

Milly said...

I love surprises!!!! LOL
I might want to start reading his column


Oh...why would anyone tell their mother they enjoy Porn??...My mom would DIE...really..she would!! no joke!

Pyzahn said...

Where can I get a job like that?

Hanako66 said...

omg, he's awesome

thanks for turning me on to this...ha!

Diana said...

i remember i used to listen to loveline in junior high (like fifteen years ago) and it was so raw. but since is the internet, people are wayy more open! it's crazy! now, on to subscribe to it, hehe

Simply Mel said...

Maybe the guy who lives up the street from us is the 'cock' dude in question one because he has a little tag on his rearview mirror that reads: I love my Penis!

What a total ...., well, you know where I'm going with this!

Lily G. said...

haha I love his responses. Thanks for sharing!

NIKI said...

Why not just start using some really tight pants, to show it up!

Pen Pen said...

Moms ALWAYS try to cramp our style!!
Let's all take some advice from Sasha Gray and LIBERATE ourselves from our oppressors-move to the 'Hate Ashbury'-and wear flowers in our hair!! PASS the X AND the Kool-Aid!!

carly said...

love his pieces.
they come in the weekly free mag here.
some times his pieces are like directly juxtaposed beside the naked ads/escorts/call lines, but i love them. they make me laugh. i love hearing about other people's sex life... mostly because i'm wait when somebody has the same question as me... and i can take his advice.
ahahah
love it.

NicholeCamarillo.com said...

LOL, that was unexpected. Gotta read his column now, thanks. :)

Hit 40 said...

A sex column!! Excellent

How about you just keep posting the good ones for us? If you weed through the boring questions, this would rock!!!

I loved the one about the well endowed man wanting to advertise his goods!!! LOL And..

I am awful. I also do not talk to my mom that often. She is just like this mom in the letter. And..

no I do not watch porn. Unless showtime counts, weeds can have some serious soft sex scenes.

And...

where are the hot men? The bad hair cuts did not count.

Brown Girl said...

I am definitely going to have to check out his column now, hilarious.

Savvy Mode SG said...

really entertaining.

thereddeer said...

Like it - love it! Especially Huge Hugh - too funny :P

clarewbrown said...

hahahaha Drollgirl!! You are my hero. Thanks for posting this! I am going to have to start reading this column regularly.
Cheers

alissa said...

ooo im definitely going to have to check this out more often. do you read miss in her business? also a fun advice column

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

Well ol' HH really got his thing in a dither, eh? I love straight forward honest advice. Come on..a 21 year old wanting to know if she can dump her mother? Get a life girl!

Kristin said...

Really? Advertise his gift? Yes, go walk up to every woman you want and brag about your massive thang. Wow.

Vivienne said...

THAT is hysterical. Love.

Cheryl said...

I love catching his column when I can. Have you heard him on This American Life? He's just as hilarious, but touching too. Gosh, I'd love his gig, though. What a way to make a living.

TERI REES WANG said...

Ugh!..I guess not.

I've only strolled as far as the "News of the Weird" column in the Santa Monica Mirror, and Dan Brezny's Freewill Astrology!..

Yikes!..I gotta dig deeper.

mothersvea said...

the second answer was just right on! thanks for the tip about the column

K @ Blog Goggles said...

Surprisingly, they reprint this in a local HK paper. I always read it. Though I think the people that write in definitely have problems. Bummer for them.

Jack Daniel said...

This one:

http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten

is the best relationship / sex blog EVER.

Jack Daniel said...

By the way, Garance Doré is in Amsterdam right now and makes beautiful Amsterdam pics!

http://www.garancedore.fr/en/

Sasha said...

wuaww never heard about it! But love it! I am checking it out! Hope you have a great weekend!

Sam said...

Actually, when all is said and done - he gives very sage advice. Really sensible grounded comments - good on him! He's offering a real service here!