Saturday, August 1, 2009

Random Stories: Incident at Lower Grand Avenue




Years ago I worked for a museum in downtown Los Angeles. This museum, like most museums, was notoriously understaffed, and I had to work very late, very often.

Most parts of downtown L.A. are rather desolate and scary at night, which made working late rather worrisome.

One night after working late, I said goodnight to the security guards and left the building. The only way to exit from the museum that late at night is through the loading dock area that dumps out onto a very spooky area that is dark and unlit.

I had to walk several blocks to get to where my car was parked, and I was on guard as one needs to be careful walking around downtown at night. (Side note: I realize most big cities have downtown areas that are lively, well lit, and safe, but for some reason it is not like that in Los Angeles).

I was walking along and I saw a man heading in my direction; a very tall and very scary looking man that had crazy hair. He was coming towards me at a pretty fast clip, and all I could think was: IT'S ON. THIS GUY IS GOING TO TRY AND MUG ME OR RAPE ME. GET READY, GIRL, AND FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE.

I was petrified but tried to act cool and confident, and wished I had a billy club or something with me so that I could protect myself better. There wasn't really anywhere for me to run to that he couldn't just chase after me, so I just kept walking towards him, and he kept walking towards me. As we got closer and closer to each other, I cocked my head when I noticed something askew with this man. Something didn't look quite right about him. Not right at all. He looked homeless and dirty, and he had a crazy grin on his face, and his shirt sleeves were flapping in a very odd manner. And then relief washed over me and I busted out with a huge smile when I figured it out: He didn't have arms! NO ARMS! NO ARMS!!!! There was no way he could grab me, mug me, or rape me! WOO HOOOOOO!!!

As we passed each other I gave him a huge smile and said, "HAVE A GREAT NIGHT!!!!" He smiled back. I was even tempted to give him a dollar or something. But the hand-off (pardon the expression) of money might have been a bit awkward to say the least.

49 comments:

Raez said...

haha, aw thanks girl! and this story is funny, atleast you were ready to kick but!

xx raez

Toothfairynotes said...

hahaha, well I would think the same thing I suppose, but that you actually said something to him is brave man! :P



*loves*

Namine said...

oh my goodness you had me freaked for a minute but that is too funny!

Elizabeth Marie said...

OMG hahahaha...OH so much to say here.

1. Every other large city in America has a THRIVING Downtown, except LA. I can never get my mind around it. I used to go pick up my ex at his crack house of an office off of Washington at 2am and would run red lights I was so scared when rapists pulled up next to me. And getting lost on skid row=fun.

2. WELL, I am glad you are ready to fight!!! GOOD GIRL! We do have to be on guard at all times, it's a scary world. And Downtown is the scariest of them all!

3. NO arms is NOT FUNNY. I'm not laughing at THAT, However, I can imagine the relief you felt!

4. This story just made my day. HAVE A GREAT NIGHT. LOL. Gawwwd I love you. XOXO

Gary Heller said...

Great story, and I would imagine the guy had no idea of the drama that was unfolding in your head as you and he approached one another. Especially as you smiled and spoke to him.

Red Boots said...

Poor man, he was 'armless (in my best London Cockney accent). xx

Felicia said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That is hilarious! And yeah, downtown L.A. is strange. It's kind of the same here too, in certain DT areas.

Diana said...

have you ever been by the smell in LA? scary!! amazing how powerful men are but without arms, we are good!!

Raina said...

The lack of arms explains the coiffure issue.

diane said...

Red Boots and Raina crack me up.
That was a great story! You are a brave girl.
I can't help feeling a little more than sorry for that guy. xo

Gabbi said...

Poor guy, but yeah... good deal!

Isn't downtown scary at night! The lighting is horrible. Once made the mistake of walking over to the Wells Fargo building after a play at the music center, so scary and dark.

Did you work at the MOCA??? :D

♥Aubrey said...

On guard at ALL times we must be. Great ending to your story!!!

Sam said...

Gosh! I've heard about LA and how scary it is of an evening - we have shows on Fox all the time about gangs and such that roam around *shudder*.

Man! Great story though - I almost heaved a sigh of relief myself when you said he had no arms!

Lynn said...

An armless raper!
How LA!
About Antonio...
I'd just rip off that sissy robe and those silly shoes and his Hollywood chonies and do him right there.

Fresh said...

Ah, i've missed the drollness lately. What a wonderful, it-could-only-happen-to-drolly story. Makes me want to work at a museum in LA...

LOL whoever posted "good deal" on the comments. I had an edoscopy and when I came out of the anesthesia, i kept yelling "WELL GOOD DEAL!" at the nurses. also I couldn't stop laughing.

thereddeer said...

LOL! You are too funny... no arms :P

Kitten said...

You certainly tell a great story! You had me really frightened up till you said the guy had no arms--and I felt your relief right along with you.

And if you think downtown LA is scary, downtown Hartford is worse--on a Sunday afternoon. In broad daylight. My sister and I went to a play there one day and I was more frightened then than I was walking alone at night. You see, NO ONE goes to Hartford on the weekends. NO ONE. It's like a ghost town. As soon as the commuters leave the city on the weeknights, it's like one of those abandoned mining towns. Which pretty much explains why I don't work there any more.

Ela said...

Oh dear, I was sooo scared to read the ending to this. It's like watching a scary movie but if I cover my eyes...I can't actually read how it ends. So glad you were safe and unharmed. So glad you had your guard up though, make sure you do even when things *feel* safe at night.

Happy weekend :) xx
p.s. so with you on the "fishy"
fish - no thanks. I like fish, when it tastes like chicken.

Andhari said...

Poor guy, but I wouldve been very scared too! Some areas in downtown jakarta are crowded and well lit but if you go up north, there are also places like this. I'd invest in a taser or something, you're really brave,

Tom Tuttle from Tacoma said...

great storyteller you are, lady. thank God no harm came to you. 'armless as he is, he could've mastered some awesome flying-kick skills... the sicko in me thinks he might enjoy this but even if he puts on a genuine grin, people are going to label him a nut. i would. no wonder he has crazy hair, eh. but really, my heart goes out to him. i hope he grins on.

one little simitopian said...

Brilliant tale! I knew there had to be a twist at the end! D'oh- I've been beaten to the " 'armless" quip.
hey, I've posted my special post for you! I know I said i was going to make you wait til monday, but I got impatient. Enjoy!

ana b. said...

Hmmmmm no arms, eh?! I bet you've never been so relieved. Sometimes when I'm walking and I think the guy behind me has been following me too long, I like to stop, glare at him and stand still until he walks past.

LENORENEVERMORE said...

ooohhh...I like happy ending!
If he received some $ it'd be even happier!! Oh well, at least you were not gang raped...that's all that matters. ~Lovely weekend sistah!

Jack Daniel said...

Why did he walked towards you in a fast clip?? Perhaps he just wanted to scare you. :P

Well, the funny part of this story is that you gave him a hug. :P

Jack Daniel said...

Why did he walked towards you in a fast clip?? Perhaps he just wanted to scare you. :P

Well, the funny part of this story is that you gave him a hug. :P

pixelhazard said...

I know this is slightly irrelevant but panda cub on rocking horse, heck yeah! *squee*

asweetcakes said...

Lol!!!!
and you told that so well i felt like i was reading a novel.

Sioux said...

Don't you find it amazing how we can talk ourselves into the highest high or the deepest fear? Sometimes even a noise will send our minds racing and our hearts pounding for the silliest of reasons. This is a great object lesson to show us we should never judge a book by it's cover!

Lianne said...

Great story. Vancouver is pretty tame compared to most major cities, but if I'm out alone at night I always walk with my keys laced through my fingers. I read somewhere that they can be used to poke an attackers eyes out. Don't know how effective I'd be using them that way, but they do provide a small sense of security.

bananas. said...

BAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! no arms?! that's sad and hilarious all at the same time!!!

GUGAW said...

am i a bad person that this made me laugh?

down and out chic said...

haha oh man...ohhhhh. i don't know what to say other than thanks for the chuckle.

In The Cottage said...

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa! This was an awesome story! It had me all tense, and then I was literally shooting coke up my nose! love it!

Char said...

man - great story - you have a way with the scary ha!

creative kerfuffle said...

holy crap i was scared there for a second. i have to give you a hand (sorry, couldn't help it)--this is a great story!

Tiffany said...

omg. great story! love that you told him to have a great night. it probably made his night!

Iva said...

omg. I was holding my breath with each new word, getting ready to be livid and heartbroken from hearing something bad happened to you...and then....thankgawd everything was ok...for you...not so much the man without the arms. ugh I hate that this can be such a scary world.

Vivienne said...

I'm glad your would be attacker was unarmed (heh heh) but next time, ask the security guard to walk you to your car.

Hanako66 said...

hahahahahahahahahaha! that sounds like it was intense though... LOVED the getty btw...

Felicia|DaLipstickBandit said...

man...living in nyc...i have those moments like 3x a week! no lie...

K @ Blog Goggles said...

Aww... poor no arms man. I bet you made his night.

TERI REES WANG said...

How lucky for you to have a real life wild ride, with a happy ending in tow.

Very exciting all the way.

Kim said...

Odd sort of relief heh? When I was in university, I lived in this tiny dump of an apartment in the basement of an old house turned insurance office. One hot July day, I raced home from my lunch shift at the restaurant I worked at and forgot to lock the door leading to the inner door to my apt. I had friends coming into town so I had to clean and get ready. I turned on the music and hit the shower but decided to multi task by taking a shower and scrubbing it at the same time. When I turned the water off, I heard some rustling out in the living room. I called out but no one responded. I heard it again. I wrapped my towel around me and went out to see which one of my friends had arrived early. Instead, I saw the back of a man. He was wearing a filthy backpack and had my remote in his hands pointing it at the tv (which wasn't on). I felt sick with fear. Excuse me I said, just what do you think you're doing? He didn't answer. I asked again and when again he didn't answer, I went up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. Well he turned around and was covered with his own vomit. He was a homeless man who had apparently thrown up from being so hot. He paid no attention to me and proceeded to lay down on my couch! Somewhere between complete fear and irritation, I told him he needed to leave. He wouldn't. I had to physically remove him (clad in just a towel, me at 5'2" - he was about six feet tall). I literally had to shove him out the door and up the stairs onto the street while grabbing my vomit covered remote. He was trying to turn down the music but had the wrong remote. Once he was out, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Bizarre! My friends thought it was hilarious and didn't stop making cracks about it for weeks.

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