Wednesday, December 9, 2009

FAIL

epic-fail-volleyball-fail


Oooooooooof. This poor kid. This photo makes me cringe, as it reminds me of how horrible I have always been at sports.

As a kid, I was not athletic AT ALL. I wasn't any good at kickball, softball, dodgeball, volleyball, basketball, gymnastics, tennis, track and field -- you name it, I was just terrible at it all. When it was time to pick teams, I was pretty much always one of the last ones to get picked. I was hopeless! Just hopeless. I tried to find ways to get out of PE (physical education), like stepping out of bounds and hoping to be disqualified, hiding behind trees or in restrooms before it was my turn to go, "accidentally" stepping off base so that I could be tagged out, etc. Sadly these techniques rarely worked.

My Dad and my PE teachers could not understand why I was so terrible at sports. It drove them NUTS. My Dad would say stuff like "Why are you getting A's and B's in everything except PE?!?!? Everyone should get an A in PE!!!" Well, not me.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about some of my recent failures (a crushing relationship failure, plus the inability to achieve some personal goals like buying a house, figuring out what to do with my life, wondering if I will ever/or should ever get married or adopt kids, etc.) . I think the goals get bigger and the stakes get higher as you go through life, but maybe that isn't true. Failure sucks, plain and simple, no matter what your age.

I guess you can ignore failures, or gloss over them, or obsess on them, or try and learn from them. I think I am still in the obsessing stage, and I know I need to move on from this stage ASAP, and try once again to achieve some of these goals, or reevaluate if some goals seem impossible or hopeless.

On a lighter note, I am REALLY HAPPY that I can avoid participating in sports at this point in my life. WHEW. We can't all be good at EVERYTHING, and sometimes it is good to cut your losses.

P.S. I also sucked at GEOMETRY and giving SPEECHES. Shudder. I try to avoid those two things as well. :)

63 comments:

Improbable Joe said...

A wise man once said: "The worth of a person is not in how they excel at the things that come easily to them, but how they struggle with the things that are difficult."

Ela said...

Ooh that poor kid's nose...face...eek!

HA, drolly you can't possibly suck as bad as me. I can deal with basketball and actually enjoy(ed) it but everything else...stinkasuraus. I used to run away from the volleyball...and close my eyes when softballs came flying my way...yeah, I was a bright kid but those ideas not so much.

I convince myself I make it up by being better at other things :) I'm sure you do!!! I've never met a jock that could make me laugh like you do!

diane said...

I failed gym in high school, feel better? I had to take bowling classes during the summer to make up the credit.
Does that kid have a round bruise on the side of his face? Maybe this isn't the first time he got hit with that ball.
Anyways, back to you: Chin up, f*ck other people's standards. Do what YOU want to do, and use your own measuring stick. xo d

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I am laughing my ass off at this! I think it is hysterical when things like that happen...I'm mean that way. I don't think any of us have turned out the way we had hoped to turn out!

bananas. said...

DOH! that look like it hurt.

i too sucked at most sports...hated dodgeball. can't believe they let us play that ridic sport. we basically all got our asses kicked by each other. HATED softball like crazy. and volleyball...HORRIBLE!

i absolutely hate to fail. it's easy for me to say, "don't worry it'll get better" to others but to myself, i'm my own worst critic.

there was this funny quote re: failure but i can't remember it. i'll have to get back to you. but keep in mind, just because you didn't do something doesn't mean you've failed. it means you chose another path...i dunno. i'm crap when it comes to wisdom.

krystal said...

oh gosh...that made me laugh out loud!

blue moss said...

poor kid....
my son is in 7th grade and went out for basketball for the first time yesterday....he had us rolling on the floor with stories of how awkard and bad the boys were. he was dribbling down the court and the kid guarding him didn't know what to do, so just stuck out his foot to trip him.....hilarious...
took me back to my awkward days in p.e.....so glad to be past that
:)

Summer (BisforBrown) said...

OUCH! I dislocated my knee in high school going up to spike the ball! OUCH!

UM, I would have kicked your ass in any sport ! LOL!

Do you love me today or what?

Morgan said...

Math is my big failure in life. I can hardly figure out a tip. It's embarassing. :)

Brown Girl said...

Ah yes. Failure. I have a very hard time with that as well, it's hard not to be so hard yourself. But that's life and failing sometimes helps us realize the bigger picture. Or at least that's what I tell other people . Ha!

Andhari said...

That looks hurt yet I've been there A LOT. I'm as bad as sports as the person haha. anyhoo, I'm a perfectionist. I'm harsh on myself whenever i fail, i still try to change that :)

Yelena R. said...

Oh me too...me too...PE failure is still fresh in my mind.

p.s. I don't think you're a failure! You're funny and your blog is awesome, and I'm sure you're an awesome person in real life :)

Iva said...

you are an A++ in my book in all subject matters. period. You are so positive and so awesome, and obviously ridiculously hilarious, your outlook, your knowledge and love of art is just amazing. You take amazing pictures, you make hundreds of people laugh EVERY single day, and your heart is really beautiful. So. with that said, not being of high athletic caliber is a non issue. I think we are our toughest critics and sometimes we only see what we believe to be 'negatives' and miss all the things that we are talented and really gifted at, simply because it comes easy to us, and its easier to over look it. Trust me on this one, sports are really hard. Even more so at the professional level when you live, eat, breath, sleep, dream, walk, think, everything sports... missing many important moments, holidays, and time with your loved ones. Even the most talented athletes have to work really hard at their sport.

I don't think any goal is hopeless. I know that might sound cheesy, but I honestly believe anything is possible with hard work, dedication, commitment and obviously a passion for what you are driving towards. You are someone really unique and incredible, you can not only achieve the goals you want, but you'll surpass them. ;) I believe in you, and I stand by your goals,dreams, and I support your 'failures'....because they aren't 'failures'....its just that life is telling you another door is the better one for you.

Hanako66 said...

i'm in the thinking about them, but not doing anything about it stage...not good.

i guess the first step is realizing your goals and trying to stay on track...you are half way there:)

Hanako66 said...

btw, i hated geometry too...my mind is much better suited to algebra!

Jake Hammell said...

French was the bane of my existence. Four years of French and what do I have to show for it?

“La bibliotheque!” meaning The Library

“Comment ca va?” to which you reply “Ca va bien!” or “Comme ci comme ca” meaning How are you? I am good or So-so

“La piscine” meaning The pool

Actually, I'm not even %100 if I punctuated those correctly. French is hard! The first test I ever failed was in French, as was the lowest score I've gotten on a test (0%).

The teacher was talking 'en francais' and starting going on about how we were going to have 'un review.' So I thought to myself,
“Great! A review! I'll get the info I need for the test, study, and ace this thing!”

But unfortunately, when 'review' time came around, it turns out that the teacher was speaking french for realsies, and as it happens, 'review' is the french word for 'test.' Needless to say, I was shocked at this turn of events, and handed in a blank sheet of paper without any answers written upon its crisp white surface.

My attempts to explain to my parents that the zero I received was because I didn't understand that the teacher had been speaking french in french class fell on deaf ears.

Anyway, it's not a total failure if you learned a good lesson and can grow from it. I learned I'm not cut out for French Canada. I'm sure when you look back on your mistakes you'll glean some nugget of knowledge.

internet therapy said...

HAHAHAHAHA! That's gonna leave a mark!

Brooke said...

I played basketball for one year (7th grade). I used to hide on the bench and makeup a headache when the coach asked me to go in. I was miserable. I can only kind of play golf and tennis. I much prefer watching.

Also, my senior year of college, I was giving a speech with a bunch of freshmen. I totally choked on my own spit and had to go running out of the room. Thank God that was the final, and I never had to show my face in that classroom again.

I obsess over my failures too. I've been doing it even more lately. Growing up isn't so fun :)

Down and Out Chic said...

i hear you on sucking at geometry. i suck at ALL math. funny how i ended up in a job where i look at budget all day. oh well.
i know i'm about to sound trite, but it IS going to work out for you. maybe you can adopt and i can babysit? pretty please?

Sher said...

Think of it this way, you are evolving! It's all a process and you will get through this.

Gym....I was picked dead last. Not because of no skill. I was average. But because of not being popular.

Hey life does get better :)

Clorivak said...

I was so terrible and hated sports too!! I missed a lot of time and came up with literally every excuse in the book not to participate. gym class is torture for some. it was also tough being in a class of all jocky guys and girls that are on like every team in school. blarg...its over now, PHEW.

You'll get through this decision making time, I'm in a very similar point in my life...its frustrating not knowing what to do...it always seems thing will happen the way they should..we'll see.
I always say I wish a rock would come from the sky with a note attached to tell me what the heck to do, so my mind wouldn't torture myself so much. hehhe...all we can do is laugh and love and see where life takes us...it's definitely a ride.

oh and don't get me started on making speeches, i am the worst at public speaking EVER, on the planet.

Char said...

i was great at geometry so I can help out there. But other stuff - I hated it. I hated PE - all that dressing out and getting sweaty and then having to go the rest of the day without a shower. YUCK.

here's a quote for you and me.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity."
— Gilda Radner

TERI REES WANG said...

I loved Carems and Tether-ball, jacks, and double-dutch jump roping and racing boys after school to piss them off...and I still had the local hood rats taking me aside, and telling me that I was one of them, and they had my back! Clever girl. ;P

blueviolet said...

I was never picked in the beginning either unless a friend was captain. I was picked dead last for dodge ball because I was deathly afraid of getting pelted in the face (like your photo!)

Kristin said...

We could've hung together in high school and sucked it up at sports and geometry! The hubs is praying the dude gets his athletic talent. ah ha

DesBisoux said...

well...i could totally write a post like that. including the being a total failure at any kind of sports!!especially if they invlove team or balls!
and the goals thing...i had a big pinch in my heart as i was reading you...if you figure something out, can you let me know?
hugs

Liz said...

Ick I'm sorry you are in a rough patch right now lovie. I too, despise failing and get disheartened when I do. It get's better though and you can always take a BASEBALL BAT and beat the shit out of something. How's that for athleticism? :)

Elizabeth Marie said...

My skills with balls have improved.

snort.

I loveeeeey this post. It's good to be realistic in our goals. We all have our strengths and you have so many it's kind of not fair to the world ya bitch! :) And thank god we don't have to participate in team sports anymore.

Heather Taylor said...

Volleyball the only sport I was actually good at but I feel ya on the PE class. I never liked them especially the brutal dodgeball days.
You are definitely not a failure by any means! Sometimes it just takes a little time to get where we're going in life and maybe we take a detour or stop for a moment, but nobody ever fails. I believe in you, you can do it! ;)

Caroline said...

Um...I need yo give you a little spiritual slap in the face... :)

You are NOT a failure. I went through this period about a year ago...going through and evaluating all the things I did not do or achieve. I got real down about it. Then I realized something. I created these lofty goals and when I did not achieve them, I felt like a total failure. Then I just stopped doing that. Yep...just like that. I decided to focus on on my journey in life...not the destination. Not sure if that makes sense...

So don't look around your life and pick out all the things you didn't do. Look around and enjoy what you have (I know...big eye roll). If anything this blog is a huge success! And I think 303 others will agree with me on that.

OK...sorry for the rant. Big ((hug))

Annie said...

oh my, that poor kid! ha!
that was me as a kid in gym and the sports i attempted and failed at as well, haha.
keep working towards your goals and make sure they are realistic!
we all have to set goals and attempt to reach them. it's not always eash and sometimes it takes a lot more work than we think it will.
i know i have plenty i'm working towards as well.
best of luck to you lady! stay focused and keep a smile on your face :)

p.s. i sucked at all math and pretty much just school in general. haha.

Simply Mel said...

Like you stated, we can't always succeed in everything. You are not a failure by any means, and we do obsess about our goals, but as long as we are working towards achieving them in some form or another, then we do not fail. Chasing our dreams/goals is what makes us succeed in life, and when we do happen to 'fall off the path', we just learn our lessons and re-try again.

Kitten said...

Our fathers were exactly alike when it came to PE. Every year, that was the ONE grade that kept me off the high honor roll. Dad couldn't understand how someone could get a B+ in PE.

Math was also tough for me. It was the only honors class I never enrolled in and the only class I ever came close to failing. I was so happy when I finally finished the math requirement for college graduation. I'm lucky that I know that 2+2 = 5. Or is it 4?

Hang in there. You're a strong person, and you have a healthy sense of yourself. Remember we're here for you. :)

Toothfairy said...

I was really bad in sports as well... bad! and not to mention that I also hated it a lot!

loves

Kellie said...

I despised giving speeches. It terrified me. Still don't like to speak in public either. As for sports the only one I was half way decent at was volleyball. And by half way I mean I was on the B squad. But when there is one team that is better and one that is worse then that makes me half way decent. Right? That's my logic and I'm sticking to it. :)

Alicia (The Red Deer) said...

Here here

I am so un coordinated - I have even tripped on a banana skin - for real.

Raez said...

LOL. i was actually good at sports, but i failed a making friends with the people on my team. they were all really popular bitches that i could just not deal with. oh well!

failure builds character anyways, right;)

hope you had a great day, this pic made me laugh so hard!
xx raez

Jill said...

I was thrown off the softball team for picking flowers out in left field.

That trick has always worked for me...in life too for that matter. Take a deep breath, chica!

Melanie's Randomness said...

So that's a picture of the boy version of me from high school. Volleyball was the worse for me!!

I'm not really athletic but my school was Athlete central So because Of above picture's incidencies I chose non-contact sports, aka cheerleading & Track & field. I realized I can throw a discus as long as it's not at people! hehe.

I'm trying too to move on and deal with recent failures. It's hard but knowing that other people are trying too is so motivating. =)

Missy said...

That is SO sad!
I had my nose broken playing softball once! My first game!

The Cherry Blog said...

i love coming to your blog, every time i do I read something i either can relate to, or something that makes me laugh, or makes me think.

ur a superstar.

so yeah, i sucked at sports too (that picture made my day!) but worse of all....was cooking and sewing classes. My teacher literally used me as an example of how NOT to cook a flan or sew a pair of trousers.

oh the trauma of it all! to this day I hate cooking and sewing on loose buttons...i just hear her voice....eugh.

ps. gemoetry is needed by practically no one. like, ever. x

anotherfishinthesea said...

Ummm.... I was not expecting that and totally just burst out laughing!

But I'll take an awesome sense of humor like yours over athletic skills any day!

cocowrites said...

New to your blog...good stuff... Doesn't seem like you are a failure to me...

Felicia said...

Although I feel I am bad at most everything, I am especially bad at sports, giving speeches and geometry. When kids say stuff like, "But we'll never use this outside of school!" They are SO RIGHT!!!!

And I feel you on the failure thing. I'm learning to be okay with being completely average in every way. It makes me feel like less of a failure that way.

Katie said...

I'm no good at math. This failure reminds me daily because I work in a job that requires good math skills and attention to detail. Everything I'm not good at! I'm way more into people and ideas then the analytic ass shit <-- I could go on down this rant.

I loved PE hehehe. Poor kid with the ball in the face. I hope you didn't have a Dad like mine who would scream and humilate me at sports games while making the other players cry.. Too harsh

x

~KS said...

Maybe I'm an awful person... but my first reaction to that photo was full out laughter... but it was followed closely by a sense of regret for the poor kid. But mostly laughter.
And I hear you about the major life decisions... If I let myself think about it too long, I'd be crying all the time as I am an epic failure on most accounts. But then I remind myself there's still so much of this journey to go. It's not that I've failed.. I'm just taking a bit longer than I thought I would to get where I need to go.

Elaine said...

Hahahaha, this was a fun post for me! I am not good at a lot of things...like studying for instance. I am anxiously waiting the day when I graduate and I'll never have to go through it again! Hopefully :X


clothedmuch.blogspot.com

Tiffany said...

ha, I think that picture could've been me in High School. I wasn't so terrible at sports but volleyball was always kind of scary to me. But you are so right, I'm glad I'm not forced to play sports anymore. I always hated flag football.

Tom Tuttle from Tacoma said...

great post, lady. i've been loitering on that path again too. i so wish i could minister to you but i'm in that lousy place myself. from the bottom of my heart, i hope you'll reenter His light and let Him lead the way for you.

Conversation Pieces said...

I sucked at school sports too... which was strange because I was very good at things like karate and dancing outside of school. (Think the humiliation of having to throw/catch a ball in front of peers is were it all went wrong for me.)

On the decisions front, whenever I'm having a mini freakout I like to remind myself of these lines from the 'wear sunscreen' song...

"What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s."

xx

Red Boots said...

That photo reminded me of being at school. At high school, the PE department BANNED me from playing basketball - I have no co-ordination when it comes to sports, so people would pass the ball to me, I would miss, and it would hit me smack on the place. Little me was left with blood pouring out my nose week after week until they made me sit at the side.

so Spiffy April Marie Girl Japan said...

Me too J. me too... I've started freaking out lately.. I'm in my 30's have not accomplished some of the personal goals I want yet.. and I sit up thinking about them and wondering.. all I know J.. is to keep going after it.. even if it means in bite size ways...

As for the photo.. you always know how to make me laugh..

xo
April

Chessa! said...

I HATED gym class. I hated gym teachers. All of the ones in my high school were self-important douches. There was one who is just like Sue on Glee. She was SUCH a bitch I hated her and made it her job to make non-jocks feel like shit. I'm like you...I suck at volleyball, softball, basketballs...all that stuff. On occassion they would do things like step aerobics and stuff and that was at least tolerable.

On a related event, yes, I agree with you that failure sucks but I also think that we all just do the best we can and that is not failure at all. I like to think that as long as I'm putting myself out there and I'm trying to make things happen, I can't possibly fail. the only way that I fail is if I don't try. Does that sound hokey? Maybe...but it took me forever to get to this point where I'm ok with not getting the "A" in life. I'm not even sure it matters. I drove myself completely nuts in law school to get straight As and get the coveted job...I got all that and more (like an ulcer) just to come to the conclusion that it's not for me. I never regret doing it and going trhough all of that but I don't consider it a failure that I decided to quit and not continue in a career that wasn't for me even though I was "successful" and "doing well" - sometimes you just have to go for it and risk failure bc in the process, at least for me, you learned that you can redefine things...trying something and wanting something but not necessarily getting it is not a failure. In my view and in my experience, the journey on the way to discovering what you want cancels out any "failure" that you think you achieve on the way to your goals.

just sayin'...

Phoenix said...

I'm athletic but an uncoordinated spaz, so people never really quite knew what to do with me. As in, I'll run, catch, play, fight, whatever, but half the time I'm gonna come up with blood in my face because I just ran into a sprinkler or smacked into the goal post. So while PE was less than thrilling, it also wasn't abject rejection from my peers either.

The only bad grade I've ever gotten, appropriately enough, was a D in Home Ec. Cooking plus sewing equaled I Never Had a Chance.

brittany said...

that poor kid. dignity = lost.

i'm right there with ya on speeches....haaaaaate them.

Sam said...

Would you look at these comments!! You've unleashed a waterfall of memories m'dear! Well, as for me I engineered a very pussy, bloody horrible throbbing purple in-grown toe nail for myself just so I could be "excused" from sport - Yes, I turned a perfectly healthy big toe into a scene from "Nightmare on Elm Street" just so as not to get into that ghastly gym skirt and T-shirt *shudder* true story!!

As for all the other stuff you've mentioned here - well I'm the same age as you and I must admit some doors are slamming shut right about now....however, a lot are still open and I think the trick is to concentrate on them rather than the shut ones - although it is pretty sobering to realise there is no "oneday in the future" for some stuff for me now....I say onward and upward girlfriend!!

kys said...

I used to do the same kinds of things in gym. It was a nightmare! And geometry? I barely squeaked by that one with a C. I didn't understand one thing in that class.

A medical scare plus the stress of this glorious season can make anyone introspective. You seem like a talented, fabulous person to me. I'm sure you'll figure it all out.

Diane said...

i could have written this post! i'm definitely in the obsessing stage too. ugh it is so unhealthy. what are we doing??!! and, the first thought i had when i saw that pic was "omg that's me" lmao!! most times i would actually "take cover" though, rather than even attempt to hit the stupid thing!!!

ahah - have to recover from laughing a sec... and then wipe away a tear!

sheesh, i luv you!

Diana said...

I'm the same with sports!! I was the typical kid that was chosen last for anything and i even got my glasses broken a few times like the kid in the picture.

I think our failures are just that if we see them as that. I know a couple girls and a couple guys that would kill to be single, fabulous and living in pink home like yours right now!!

Asylum Dolly said...

Oh wow, I could've written that myself! I SUCKED at sports, and used to wag P.E all the time! I fucking hated it! It's not that I dislike physical activity- I exercise every day, but in the privacy of my own home, by MYSELF! It's probably very antisocial of me, but I HATE team sports! I'm pretty uncoordinated too, so i would only ever let a team down, and that's not a nice feeling.
I also hated mathematics :S
To this day, I am still useless when it comes to anything involving numbers.Gah!
Like you, I am obsessing a bit about my "failures" lately, and it does suck. I wish I knew what to do with my life! Meh. I'm just trying to do as many things as I enjoy, and hopefully I will stumble apon something i can do for a living.....sigh! It's true though- we can't be good at everything, and sometimes we need to accept that, and focus on the things we ARE good at. My problem is trying to find things I feel I'm good at! I always start off with positive intentions, then I get a horrible realisation that what I've just done is CRAP. Grrr. I need to be more positive. I just have to figure out how to go about doing that!
Life huh? CONFUSING.
May some awsome opportunities for greatness come your way my friend!

Asylum Dolly said...

P.s. I also think you are already pretty great, just so you know! You are down to earth, funny, and can smell bullshit a mile away. That is DEFINITELY something to be proud of in this superficial world!
Also i just had a thought: the whole buying a house/getting married type of thing isn't for everyone, and it sux that there is this unquestioned expectation in our society that this is the be all and end all. In many European countries, renting is just as commonplace and accepted as buying. As for marriage...meh.Even if you don't get as far as the wedding (which I've never wanted, and can't understand the big hupla)) You have WAAAY too much personality and va va voom to become an old maid!

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miami luxury hotels said...

Okay, I may be a bad person, because the first thing I did when I saw this pic was laugh, and hard. But it's okay, then I did feel sorry for the kid - I played volleyball all through highschool and had my share of ball in the face incidents.