Thursday, December 10, 2009

Guys That Want to Date Me

Picture 4

Picture 5

Picture 7

Picture 2

Picture 6

Picture 3


Sure. Sure these guys want to date me.

Stupid match.com. The other day I went to their website to see if I already had a profile, and I do. I am not ready to date or anything -- I was just checking to see if a profile of me already existed. Now they are starting in on me with those focacta emails designed to entice you into the dating world. They sent me a notice that my profile had been viewed 131 times (perhaps it has been viewed 131 times in 7 years) and that some preppy uptight goofball with his collar flipped up was interested in me. BARF. I cropped his sissy, prissy ass photo out of their email notification and inserted pictures of more INTERESTING men. Now if one (or more!) of THESE fellas was interested in me, it might make me want to date again. It MIGHT. :)

P.S. One of these guys lives in my neighborhood. HAHAHAHH!!!

66 comments:

sherri said...

Is that Danzig? I am cracking up.

Laura Trevey said...

If some of these guys wanted to date me, I would re-think it too!!!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

That last neanderthal was quite the looker!

The Haute-Shopper said...

Wow girl, you have quite an eclectic choic in men ;-) Hahaha... too funny... I would definitely be more tempted if a matchmaking site inserted more interesting pictures as well, rather than some random person who's never gotten a real modeling contract...

bananas. said...

k no offense because i know a lot of people who join these online dating sites but uh...they creep me the F&*@ out!

Chessa! said...

my husband and I always say that if we were single, we'd definitely at least try the online dating thing. it can't possibly be any different than meeting a guy in a bar. my friend who has dabbled never does full fledged dates on the first meeting...just drinks or coffee...if the guy is a douche or has three heads or whatever, date is over in 30 minutes and you move on to the next!

honestly, what the hell do I know? I've been with the same man for a zillion years, but I think I would try it if I was hot and single like you!

Chessa! said...

oh and PS--you're freaking hilarious and make me laugh on a daily basis...so I can only imagine the fabulous blog entries that would follow from your experiences good and bad and great and hideous. do it! ;-)

Yelena R. said...

Haha! I was just gonna say...interesting taste in men...especially the last one :)

Alicia said...

MEOW!! look at you lady...on the prowl!! i can't wait to see what comes out of this match business! i'm all for the online dating!

internet therapy said...

Sorry to break it to you but Robert Pattinson is NOT viewing your profile. He is already spoken for and is MINE. So step off, biatch!

Jenni said...

Let me guess, that last guy lives in your neighboorhood ;) He is SO a hottie.

And Edward from Twilight himself checking you out on Match - go girl! HaHaHa. ;)

Caroline said...

LMAO...thank you for this today. I would totally date Stephen Colbert...he's so damn funny! And smart. I love smart and funny!

...love Maegan said...

bahahahah this is amazing.

dapper kid said...

Ahahaha, quite a line up of potential suitors. Go for Rob P I say, I hear he's quite popular these days. Hope you're having a gorgeous week :)

Iva said...

OMG!!...I laughed so hard I think I stopped breathing for a second...no literally I gasped for air..LOL...you are so talented, seriously, you should be a writer for sitcoms!

I happen to think that even none of THESE guys are worthy of you ;) You deserve way better. When you are ready to date we'll discuss better options....although with LA traffic a guy in your neighbor might be a good option?! ;)

Caroline said...

BTW...not sure if you check your gmail account...I just sent you something that you might like...

Annie said...

ha!!! too funny!!!
you always make me laugh!
i hope you are having a great day!

Diane said...

glen danzig! oh yeah, he's a charmer! lol watch out for the belt buckle.

Clorivak said...

Oh Shite YES. Hilarious!! You got quite the Motley Crew going on here! bahahah...nice. I say stay clear of the musicians and super too sexy looks and stick with the FUNNY.
to laugh til you cry daily is the best kind of man. i nabbed one and would never look back...mwahahahaha.

Bathwater said...

Don't spend money on an online dating sight. Try Plenty Of Fish first it is a free site with all the same buzzier and whistles.

Savvy Gal said...

LOL, if I am not dating now, i join you! : )

Phoenix said...

If Stephen Colbert lived in your neighborhood I'd invite myself over to your place for bbq and stalkage.

Alas, I'm fairly certain that awesome man lives in NYC and it's probably the dude with the mic in the last pic (who is that hottie?).

Although if Robert Pattinson was your neighbor, wouldn't his hair block your view of the city at night? ;)

Improbable Joe said...

Let's see...

1) Gay guy.

2) Evangelical.

3) Smug gay guy.

4) Extra in a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie

5) Pedophile.

6) My high school yearbook photo.


Lots of great choices there... :)

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

OMG hilarious. So who would you settle on out of this hotness?

sharonlei said...

Oh la la, I'll date #3 if you don't want to date him. I don't think my husband would mind.. ha ha ha.

Hope you're having a lovely day!

Love & Aloha.
www.elisharon.blogspot.com

Sher said...

LOL! I'm happy it's you that has to sift through all this....aaaaa..."hotness" instead of me.

Give it a little longer then dive right in!

Elizabeth Marie said...

HAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!! This is the best online dating post ever.

sealaura said...

Well don't you have a thing for Jemaine?? That would be a fun date! Even though I am more of a "Brit" girl Jemaine would be a fun friday night! I am guessing the first dude lives in your neighborhood but again I vote Jemaine!

ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND said...

I love how Improbable Joe thinks all the good looking guys are gay, you know what Joe? You're right.

TERI REES WANG said...

Date them all!
Date everyone, and his friend too!
Keep 'em rollin' in. ;P

Miss Absinthe said...

I know how hard it is to choose amongst these hotties... but Colbert Colbert Colbert!!!

;)

blueviolet said...

What kind of man beast is that last one?

Down and Out Chic said...

this is so funny! that last one is a bit scary though.

Kristin said...

Dude, the Samoan (is that how you spell it?) SO not my type...but I'm so diggin' it! I always drool over that commercial he's in!

cocowrites said...

Oh good lord! Run for the hills! I am sick of twilight boy already...

Toothfairy said...

the question here is... who lives in your neighbourhood?!? :P

loves

Raez said...

LOL! haha that the guy in the head and shoulders commercial. I don't even know his name;)

xx raez

me melodia said...

Please tell me Danzig is your neighbor!!!!!!!!!!!!

Melanie's Randomness said...

I was thinking about doing match.com but now...hmmm...I'd scream if Rob Patinnson was stalking my profile. AHH!!!

Karls said...

Well... You've certainly got interesting taste in men... a couple of half men half beast in there.

Give me some FOTC action anyday - hell I'd take Jemaine and Bret on for some double adaptor action.... yeeehaw!

amy @ switz~art said...

OH my gawd, you are a facking riot!!!

Sam said...

Oh Drollgirl!! Look at these men!!! And they are all men make no mistake about that! One or two of them I certainly wouldn't say no to - those long haired chaps - they look quite fetching actually!!! :)

Felicia said...

My best friend did Match for a while and it was the best part of my life when she let me use her account to pick out boys for her. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Needless to say, she doesn't use it anymore.

Phoenix said...

Well damn, Glenn IS hot, so you are a lucky girl if he lives in your 'hood.

Stephen Colbert is made out of pure awesome, is he not??

And I'm glad you like the name Motley for a cat (or a dog!) :)

Christy Cummings Harrison said...

You're friggin hot!

Missy said...

WoW! You need to try eHarmony! LOL

Alicia (The Red Deer) said...

You crack me up!

Brown Girl said...

Troy Palomou? BARF!!!! ;)

♥Aubrey said...

Look at you...they're lining up hun. You've got quite the variety going on :)-

Ela said...

Please tell me the last one's not your neighbour...dude's intense...and kinda scary. And no, I'm not jealous cause his chest is bigger than mine.

xoxo

diane said...

I think the last guy is just downright scary.
I hate those dating things. They've been after me too, but I'm taken.

Heather Taylor said...

Oh my God, which one lives in your neighborhood?! I'm really scared on the last one...please tell me it's not him!
Have you ever tried SpeedDate on Facebook? Because I got an load of preppy Lacoste boys "winking" at me on that thing. Insert finger down throat. I totally understand where you're coming from on that!
And thanks for the sweet comment on my blog. :)

E said...

#2! #2!!!

Which one lives in your neighborhood - please say #5. Doesn't he live near Ryan Adams and Mandy (Amanda Adams) Moore?

Fragrant Liar said...

Ugh, I'm back in the dating market again. I don't even want to think about doing this all over again. UNLESS, Benjamin Bratt wants to date me.

fhen said...

this is quite hilarious, the last one haha
really one of them live in your hood?
online dating sounds fun somehow although i've nvr tried myself

xoxo

Jyun said...

Oh my, drollgirl you make my day. My jelly tots shot out of my mouth when I read this.

kys said...

Does Edward live in your neighborhood? Did you move to England to staulk him??

PS I have a fried who met her husband on Match.com (or some similar site - can't remember which one). You never know....,

Lisa Marie said...

Who is the Hottie at the Top YUMMO.. in the neighborhood..."ah"... ;) NICe... you always make me smile... L

spanky* said...

true story lady face! i hear that all too loud & clear.
i was on (match) <--- [shameful] for a while. in my awkward chubbier days, & i got mail, winks, chat things, whatever, but when i finally ballsed up & went to meet one of the guys, i just ended up getting hurt.
after date 4, i went for it & slept with him... needless to say, i never heard from him again.
now... i KNOW that i'm AWESOME in bed, so it wasn't that... i guess that he, like all 20 something (early 20 something) dudes are only using match.com to find some ass from desperate girls.
no more online dating for this chick until i'm actually desperate.
plus, it made me realize, i don't want to be with a desperate person, so why would i act like one...

i'll tell you one thing though.
if i got a match.com request from r.pattinson, i'd def rejoin... i'd even let him hit it & quit it... :o)

One more thing. i LUV that you have Jay & Silent Bob jam'n out on your sidebar. As i type, i'm very entertained that they are in perfect rhythm with the song "Somebody" by slightly stoopid that i'm listening to.

luvs the blog. i hope to see you around on mine!!!

muah*

-Spanky

www.SpankyLuvsIt.com

Jill said...

I'm a sucker for football players! WHO LIVES IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD!! Tell me!

carina said...

hey, its jermaine! maybe he wants to fly you over to NZ :)

Diana said...

I know those pictures are not the real guys but if I were you, I'd be letting Jermaine borrow some sugar anytime.

I secretly think you are a babezilla and you are just not telling us!!

Tom Tuttle from Tacoma said...

i really prefer men with short crops on their heads.

i always got Tagged emails from some site. dunno why i still kept the account. it's disgusting to see the profile pictures of those who want to know me. i see fruit (a banana, what else?) and fat men in glasses (i like men in glasses ok and i'm not against fat people but... if i just want mercy sex, then maybe it won't be an issue). for the sake of it, i previously put in my profile of a model in a floral frock with interesting shoes. i liked the look so i put it there.

Asylum Dolly said...

Hehehee :) Brilliant post! Oooh Jemaine, yes please! Did you hear that they are NOT going to do another series of FOTC? Heartbreak!!!

The Cherry Blog said...

aaaaaaaaaahahah. love this. esp that one is on your neighbourhood!! I dared myself to go on match.com earlier this year, and the wierdos that tried to contact me were off the chart. One told me if i was the kind of girl who 'walked around whilst brushing my teeth' then he could not meet with me, as it is a deep fear of his.

wtf?!!

great post x

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