Saturday, February 28, 2009

Incident at SeaWorld

Wow. I heard this story last night from a friend and I just can't get over it.

A woman has a young son with Down's Syndrome. She decides to take him to SeaWorld in San Diego for the day. She plots everything out, gets him in the car, and they make the long drive from Los Angeles to Sea World.

Her son is super excited. Everything is going pretty well. They arrive and Mom purchases the tickets. She is putting her change back in her wallet when she raises her head and sees that her son is gone. GONE. She cannot see him anywhere. She looks around frantically and calls out his name. He is nowhere to be found. Panic-stricken, she continues her search and cannot find him anywhere. She notifies SeaWorld security, and the search begins. Security looks for him throughout the park, but nobody can find him. They check security cam footage, and still no sign of him. The search drags on and on, and Mom is panicked. Hours pass, and still nothing. Mom is beside herself, as it is late in the day, getting dark, and the park is about to close.

Then, as Mom is waiting at the front of the park right before closing time, her son comes out of nowhere. He is F-I-L-T-H-Y. Aboslutely filthy. And he reeks. He smells and looks awful. And he just says, "Hi Mom. Are you ready to go?"

Mom is furious and relieved and angry, but happy to have her son back. She marches him to their car and remarks at how dirty and stinky he is. She is seething, but also relieved that her son is ok.

Mom takes her son back to the hotel they are staying at, and tells him to get inside and take a bath right away. Son says, "Okay".

Son goes in the bathroom and locks the door behind himself. Mom sits on the bed and tries to calm down and relax after one of the most stressful days of her life. As she starts to unwind, she can hear her son playing in the bathtub just having the time of his life: he is singing, splashing, slapping around in the water, just having a blast.

After about 20 minutes, Mom tells son that he has been in the tub long enough, and that it is time to get out.

Son says, "No, I am having a good time in here."

Mom is a little perplexed, but she lets him continue.

After about another 20 minutes, Mom tells the son again that it is time to get out of the tub.

Son says, "No, I am having a good time in here!"

Mom thinks this is really strange, so she goes to the bathroom door and rattles it. It is locked. She can hear her son inside of the bathroom and knows he is ok. But she tells him to unlock the door, NOW.

Son says, "NO."


Son says, "NO!"

Mom is livid. She calls the hotel front desk, explains the situation, and asks them to please come to her room and unlock the bathroom door for her.

A hotel employee shows up a few minutes later, and fiddles with the door and unlocks it.

Mom and hotel employee open the bathroom door and see her son is in the bathtub PLAYING WITH A PENGUIN. PLAYING WITH A PENGUIN!!! Her son had smuggled a little penguin out of Sea World by stuffing it in his backpack!!!!!

The Mom and hotel employee are stunned!!!!

Mom calls SeaWorld and says, "Look, I don't have time to explain everything, but I have one of your penguins. Send someone to pick it up."

SeaWorld says, "Lady, we don't have time for your prank calls. Get a life."

Mom says, "Go and take a count of your penguins. When you find one is missing, call me back and then you can pick it up."

SeaWorld calls her back moments later and says, "We have a missing penguin. Where do we pick it up?"

Mom gives SeaWorld the address of her hotel, and SeaWorld dispatches a team to retrieve the missing penguin.

Penguin Recovery Team shows up at the hotel and they tell the boy they have to take the penguin. The boy loses it and screams, "BUT THAT IS MY PENGUIN! THAT IS MY PENGUIN! THAT. IS. MY. PENGUIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

SeaWorld takes the penguin and tells Mom, "Do not ever tell anyone about this incident. We do not need people knowing that a child with Down's Syndrome was able to smuggle one of our penguins out so easily."

Well, I haven't been able to verify this story, but I sure love it. And I sure wish I had a penguin!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Flashback Photos, circa 1988

I will most likely regret posting these pics, but here are some actual photos of me, my sister, our friends Shelly and Jennifer, and some random tailgating friends from a David Lee Roth concert (ouch, I know) circa 1988. OY.

Sister on the left, Shelly (blond) in the middle, I'm the one on the far right that looks like she is ready to hurl.

Some random tailgaters joined our little party and added tequila and vodka to our trunk full of wine coolers.

That's me in those fab acid wash high-waisted numbers.  Nice.

This is my little sister.  She is just fucking great.  She got the looks in the family, but I wouldn't trade hair with her back then.  No way.  

Oh wine coolers.  How disgusting.  But not as bad as Zima.

Sister, Jennifer, me, Shelly.  Good times.  

Grace O'Connor

This painting is pretty much a spot-on portrait of my sister and I and our friend Shelly in the 80's. Except I don't see any booze or drugs in this pic. And my sister and I were even cooler than these birds because we had a red 1978 Chevy Camaro Z28 350 with hood scoop and tail fin and mag wheels and fat tires. And you'd feel my dust if we were in a race because I would shut you down.

Grace O'Connor To Those about to Rock, 2007, Oil on canvas, 61 x 66 cm

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Female Trouble

I'm feeling lousy today and I have the cramps from hell (I know, I know: too much information), but I'll try to post something more entertaining tonight or tomorrow.....

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Greasy Celebrities

Is it just me, or do these guys always look like they need a good scrubbing and a chamois to mop up the oil?

James Brown

Hulk Hogan

Jared Leto

Colin Farrell

Dog The Bounty Hunter

George Hamilton

Mickey Rourke

Matthew McConaughey

Flavor Flav

James McAvoy

Have I missed anybody?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Wayne Thiebaud

I drove out to Palm Springs this weekend to check out the Wayne Thiebaud: 70 Years of Painting exhibition at the Palm Springs Art Museum.

I love Wayne Thiebaud's paintings -- his use of color, his every-day subject matter, his painterly approach, his creative use of perspective -- it all just leaves me enthralled. And he is still painting at 89 years old.

The museum did not allow photographs to be taken of his work (this is typical), so these are the best images I could find of some of the works I liked the most.

Wayne Thiebaud, Dark Candy Apples, 1983, Oil on board, 11-5/8" x 13"

Wayne Thiebaud, Ocean City, 2006-2007, Oil on canvas, 48" x 36"

Wayne Thiebaud, Two Kneeling Figures, 1966, Oil on canvas, 60" x 72"

Wayne Thiebaud, Coloma Ridge, 1994, Pastel on paper, 17-3/4" x 22-1/8"
(note: this drawing is not in the exhibition; however, a similar painting of the same subject matter is)

Wayne Thiebaud, Bakery Case, 1996, Oil on canvas, 60" x 72"

Wayne Thiebaud, Fields and Furrows, 2002, Oil on canvas, 72" x 60"

The exhibition runs through May 9, 2009. If you are in the area, it is definitely a must-see.

The exhibition catalogue is also rather nice if you are interested in his work. It is not yet available at, but you can purchase it directly from the Palm Springs Art Museum.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Naomi Harris - America Swings

American Swingers have been immortalized in New York-based photographer Naomi Harris' book America Swings.

According to the American Swingers Association [?!?!??!?!?!], there are over three million active swingers in the United States. Naomi Harris went in search of these swingers and documented their lives over a 5-year period while attending over 38 conventions, plus parties, camp outs and holiday dinners of the schwinging variety.

Here are some images from her book: America Swings (Special Limited Edition):

Naomi Harris, America Swings, Thanksgiving Dinner / Big Lake, MN, November 2004, C-print, 40" x 53", edition of 3, 22-1/2" x 30", edition of 5

Naomi Harris, Viking and His Girlfriend / Swingstock / Black River Falls, WI, July 2003, C-print, 40" x 53" , edition of 3, 22-1/2" x 30", edition of 5

The book is available at Amazon and at Taschen but it is rather pricey.

For more fun and unsightly nude photos from the book, check this link: Naomi Harris, America Swings.

Friday, February 20, 2009

If You Could Be Any Rock Singer for a Day....

If you could be ANY rock or pop singer for a day, and you'd have their talent and really be able to belt it out, who would you be?????

If I was going to be a female rock star, I'd definitely be Wendy O. Williams of the Plasmatics, as she was a scary punk lady that could kick assssssssss:

Now if I was going to be a male rock star, I think I'd be one of these fellas:

Who would YOU be?????

P.S. If you like AC DC a little or a lot, you should check out the video link above. It is just super.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Lisa Yuskavage

I love Lisa Yuskavage's oil paintings. Although her treatment of the female figure is often controversial [not so much in the images I have posted below -- these works are rather tame for her], her use of color is simply incredible.

She is represented by David Zwirner in New York.

Lisa Yuskavage, Big Little Laura, 1998, Oil on linen, 76" x 96"

Lisa Yuskavage, Persimmons, 2006, Oil on linen, 48" x 72"

Lisa Yuskavage, (The One's That) Don't Want to: Bad Baby II, 1991-1992, Oil on canvas, 34.1" x 30"

Lisa Yuskavage, Big Blonde Smoking, 1994, Oil on linen, 72" x 72"

Lisa Yuskavage, Big Blonde Squatting, 1994, Oil on linen, 72" x 72"

Lisa Yuskavage, Changing, 2003, Oil on linen, 77" x 68"

If you ever get a chance to see her work in person, DO IT!

Tribute Bands: Fan Halen, Real Diamond and Dread Zeppelin

Hey! Remember Van Halen? I just found out about a new Van Halen tribute band that is touring called Fan Halen:

I saw a Van Halen tribute band called The Atomic Punks a few years back. They put on a very fun show, and their lead singer is about as charismatic as it gets.

Another tribute band that I have heard about for years is Real Diamond. They cover Neil Diamond songs, and who doesn't like Neil Diamond?

I have also heard rumor that a band called Dread Zeppelin is very good. They play Led Zeppelin style music while channeling Elvis and throwing in a little reggae. If you are not sure what that would be like, here you go: Dread Zeppelin - Heartbreaker.

If you go see any of these bands [or if you have already seen either of them], shoot me a line and let me know how they were.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Looking for a New Exercise Routine?

I'm having trouble deciding which of these routines will give me the best results.....

How to Clean Your Sex Toys

Just run them through the dishwasher!

Um, this is rather obvious, but don't put any battery-operated toys in the dishwasher. Doy.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Elisabeth Higgins O'Connor at David Salow Gallery

I am not sure what to think of these works by Elisabeth Higgins O'Connor at David Salow Gallery in Los Angeles. I am still mulling it over.

Your thoughts?