Thursday, May 13, 2010

Form Follows Function

Is it just me, or does this Ceramica Flaminia bathtub look like it would be EXTREMELY uncomfortable to bathe in?

Flaminia ad Wallpaper May 2010

Ceramica Flaminia ad as seen in Wallpaper Magazine - May 2010 Issue

On the topic of design, a few years back I worked for some famous sheister prick asshole architects. LORD. The stories I have from that place. It was pretty much a nightmare working at that joint. The employee turnover rate was something like 46% -- every week at least one person was fired -- and every week a new shiny-eyed, young and eager architect was hired and anxiously awaited a chance to prove themselves. Although the experience of working at that place probably cut a few years off my life, I have to admit that those architects churned out some amazing and gorgeous designs.

One of the more interesting parts of working at that firm was when we had all staff meetings. I am not an architect -- just an office drone -- but I still had to attend those focacta meetings and listen to the top diggity dogs yammer on and on about the status of each job in progress. One meeting in particular was rather thrilling. One of the owners was on a tirade describing how the firm's clients were cheap, suspicious, demanding and persnickety egomaniacs that we all had to kowtow to. Of course my immediate thought was: YOU JUST DESCRIBED YOURSELF, YOU FUCKTARD. YOU HAVE BECOME THE CLIENT. Then he went on to describe two different design debacles that the firm was trying to resolve:

Design Debacle #1: A multi-zillion dollar home was completed for a client, and the client was LOSING HIS MIND because the grade of the driveway was all kinds of wrong. Every single time the owner pulled in or out of the very long and steeply inclined driveway -- not matter how fast or slow he was going -- his precious Porsche bottomed out and made a god awful sound. The client wanted the whole damn driveway redone. For free. And if it wasn't done to his satisfaction, he would sue the holy hell out of the firm. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Design Debacle #2: A multi-zillion dollar home was completed for a couple. They moved in, and when the wife (or most likely one of her minions) tried to hang clothing in a closet, she discovered that the custom-made cherry wood closets throughout the entire house had a depth that was too shallow to accommodate any hangers. They wanted all of the custom-built closets re-done for free. And if it wasn't done to their satisfaction, they would sue the ever lovin' shit out of the firm. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! It was all I could do not to laugh aloud as these problems were described. But I am biased. My Dad worked in construction for many years, and he would grumble about idiotic and impractical ideas highfalutin architects expected him to build. Architects and construction workers often times seem to be at odds, pointing fingers at each other when problems arise. Throw angry clients and big money into the mix, and things get really ugly really fast.


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34 comments:

blueviolet said...

My back has a crick in it just from looking at that tub!

uglygirl said...

One word: WANKERS!

Caroline said...

OK...now that's a good story. Fucktard. I love that word!!!

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

Yep. That bathtub is for someone who obviously cares more about form than function. Yikes!

And rich people are assholes, pretty much across the board. I learned this when working for a magazine that direct-mailed to the wealthiest 10% of Las Vegas. OMG! It actually made me relieved to move back to the midwest where people are, well, nice.

Iva said...

top word choices here: "sheister", "office drone", "FOCCACTA", "fucktard","minions".

I cant stop laughing and I just ADORE when you write. Really though, this is an awesome story with a lot to learn from it...different people, different points of views, different needs....different anger management issues LOL....sometimes is seems to hard to get practical and appealing & everyone making it happen on the same page. oiy.

I think you work at a FAR FAR FAR better place now!!

Char said...

LOL it always makes me laugh uncontrollably when such "educated" people can't even figure out simple things like the depth of a closet.

Brooke said...

Yeah...That doesn't look comfortable at all. Also, I can *maybe* understand the driveway (to give them some undeserving credit). Porshe's are pretty low riding cars. However, the closets? Hangers hanging in closets are pretty vital to the function of a closet...

Hahahaha....I think I have going to be saying FUCKTARD all day.

The Cottage Cheese said...

Your description made me laugh out loud! I wouldn't have lasted a day in that place. I've never had a difficult remodel client (although we've bid a couple of small jobs for cheap, uppity bitches - evident immediately when we met them). That's why my husband and I prefer doing whole-house remodels on houses we own. I like being the one to make all of the design decisions and carry them out through the construction phase as well. The only egos to do battle are mine and my husband's (not that that's always peaceful, but we can speak our minds to each other, whereas you can't ever say "F you" to a rude client).

Glad to hear you're not really anxious. But you gotta watch out for those cylons - they'll find you no matter how safe you think your "hidy-hole" is (tee-hee). Damn I miss BSG.

Dancing Branflake said...

That's so interesting that you got to see both worlds. That is too hilarious though. Yep it looks cool. Nope, it can't be used.

Alicia said...

yeahh....that bathtub doesn't look relaxing or inviting at all! but i have to say that i'm loving the new vocab words i'm picking up around here!!

Tom Tuttle from Tacoma said...

i daydreamt i could be an architect one day. lol. yea, i've heard them and contractors don't love one another much.

bananas. said...

I had no idea archis were such a*holes! Who knew?! Serves them right though to have to deal with shit from clients. I would've loved being in that meeting.

Anyway, yea...that bathtub is retarded. Happy thursday!

Kara said...

That bathtub looks AWFUL for reals. Like, it's not even sexual. And who wants a bathtub that's not sexual?

I think I'd hang myself if I had to deal with that job. Highfalutin ANYTHING is not for me.

Kass said...

Ya gotta way with the words, missy. Fucktard has now replaced Fuckwad for me.

Kristin said...

That's why I love Flipping Out...seeing all those guys fight is hilarious!

Alisa said...

I agree, I love modern but it has to be comfortable!!

My dad is an architect and I would hear the horror stories about the contractors. Go figure!

My dad designed a house for a famous football player/announcer, 10,000 square feet, and he only wanted one bedroom (so his grown kids wouldn't come and stay) a room for furs, and all kinds of goofy stuff! It was a nightmare job.

Nikki said...

OMg.. honestly.. Yah it does look very uncomfortable HAHAH .

(ans) Thank yoU!

Cheryl said...

Reminds me of my sister's experiences as an interior designer. Funny how cheap rich people are.

Kellie said...

That tub does not look relaxing at all.

And I love how your boss described himself. If only you could have called him out on it and actually called him a fucktard. :)

Asylum Dolly said...

Sweet jesus. I bet you're glad to be outta there!!! What a nightmare.
It's funny, but 2 ex boyfriends of mine were architecture students, and some of their projects and assignments looked really interesting, and i started to think, "hmmm, that'd be a cool profession,". But..maybe no. STRESS! Plus the horror of having to work for some arrogant wanker like that would put me off for life.

And yes, that bathtub looks hella uncomfortable! You couldn't even lean back in it and relax. No thanks!

sherri said...

I hate squared, sharp edges on anything in bathrooms. especially vessel sinks, but that tub...ugly andouchy!

sherri said...

and ouchy was supposed to be two words. and...end scene.

Emelie - C'est LA vie said...

As someone who adores a good soak, I'd have to agree; that tub looks like torture. Designed by a man, I presume?

E said...

My father is a(extremely by the book) builder and every house we ever lived in was full of wacky DIY shit and it was a constant stream of swear words over shoddily-tiled bathrooms, DIY heinous wall-boarding, etc. I cannot even imagine working for someone who creates the disasters. Oh and that photo pretty much describes my vision of Hell's bathroom.

Jennifer DeDonato said...

Well, I totally thought that was a bathroom in a dollhouse. I wouldn't even be able to get my butt in that tub...it looks stupid. It's annoying to work around people that have huge egos. I am an artist and work by myself so I don't have to deal with that anymore. However, I use to work at a super crazy place so I can understand.

Jill said...

The bathtub is ridiculous and I should know since I covet every one I see...as I don't have one! The idiots that built my house didn't bathe...they only showered. Fuckers!

And...hate to say it, but if I were spending millions on a house, I would expect the drive to be graded correctly and the closets to accomodate a standard coat hanger...and I have no problems with wire coat hangers!

Foxy said...

I'm laughing aloud after reading this.
One of the owners was on a tirade describing how the firm's clients were cheap, suspicious, demanding and persnickety egomaniacs that we all had to kowtow to.
Precious!!
That tub is not to be used. only looked at.

http://outfitaddict.com

The Zhush said...

Having just come out of a major renovation project of our own home, this brings back painful memories of the architects and builders pointing fingers at each other for major mistakes...my husband and I, despite both being licensed attorneys never threatened to sue...at least not to their faces! Oh boy, focacta and fucktard, yeah that should've been the name of our building design team! You are hilarious!

Susan Erickson said...

Hard to beat fucktard...perfect desciption for so many people I know. thanks for the new insult...love it!

SabinePsynopsis said...

Wahahahaaaaa, isn't it lovely to sell your soul to companies like this? and aren't we lucky we don't have the money to have porsche and cherry wood wardrobe problems? Great post!

Kitty Stampede said...

that is one god awful tub. i hate it...better than the one in my shite apartment now, but still not a fan.

damn...sounds at least like an interesting place to work. it seems the jobs we hate most always at least have the best stories to tell from them.

god, i hate getting behind on bloggies...and again can't watch the vidies..will have to look up..

hope you have an amazing weekend!!!

Krystal said...

interesting!

Claire Kiefer said...

Okay so I REALLY love baths. I take one every day . . . usually a bubble bath. That one looks terrible! How could you relax in that way too "modern" monstrosity?! As for the high class problems . . . it's disgusting what an abundance of money does to people! (as I write this comment from my weekend job to supplement my teacher's salary . . . ) UGH UGH UGH

Heather Taylor said...

Worst. Bathtub. Ever.
I would run SCREAMING out of that job. How long did you work there? I commend you for not losing your mind and attacking the owners verbally as I would have.