Saturday, June 19, 2010

Secret Blog


Do any of you have a secret blog? Do your family, friends and significant other(s?) know about your blog? If so, do you wish they didn't?

Only one family member and a couple of friends know about my blog. Most of my family would stage a religious intervention if they ever saw my blog, and most of my friends really couldn't care less about what goes on here.

But I am wondering about this issue. Eventually I will have to decide if I let the next man in my life know about my blog, or if I should keep it a secret. My last bf really didn't care to look at my blog, or if he did read it, he did so on the sly.  Every now and then a guy shows some interest in me [the on-line dating thing hasn't been going so well -- and I am getting rather annoyed with the whole thing], and I have the debate in my head of whether or not I should tell a potential suitor about my blog.  It is probably a good way to get to know me.  Then again, it might scare a guy off pretty fast.  Bah!

Humph. It is so nice to have an outlet to tell all on a blog, but maybe it is not really fair to keep it a secret from those that are supposedly close to you? I dunno.

Your thoughts?


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69 comments:

Krystal said...

I have a 'secret' blog (this one) that i don't tell people about. I guess I don't totally mind that they find but I'd rather just have something to myself. Then I have a normal one.
I would NOT tell a new man about it unless you MARRY him. Because then if anything happens and it ends badly you will forever be censoring yourself. a similar situation is why i had to make a new one which is a huge hassle:(

Adele said...

I have a private blog as well that no one has access to...it does bug me a little thinking about just who might be reading my public blog, especially when I receive bitchy/mean comments. But then i forget about it soon enough (: My boyfriend knows about my blog but he can hardly be bothered...which is something I actually like. That way I feel like I have something to call my own...even if he does read it (maybe once in 6 months?!). Either way, i guess since it's your blog..it's your prerogative whether or not you'd like to share it with whomever (: xo!

PS~Erin said...

I like the idea of a secret blog. I don't mind my close friends/fam reading it. It's the neighbors/acquaintances/and such that give me the weird willies. I started mine as an extension of my little biz, so it's public, but I still get weirded out about it a bit. I think yours would be a good thing to share with a (special) bf. It's a neat glimpse and shows a fun/quirky/creative side. Of course, you probably exude all that fun stuff in real life :-)

Ellie Grace said...

I'm not really one to give advice, considering my blog is a secret. Only my recent ex-boyfriend knows about it... I have a harder time talking to the closest people in my life about personal issues than I do sharing with complete strangers such as yourself! ;)
But I suppose if you want someone to truly get to know you, then share it with them. If it scares them away then they weren't worth keeping anyways.

Always,
Ellie Grace

TERI REES WANG said...

Blogs of for sharing of like minded folk, not blood line folk.

Yes, show off your personality to anyone new-to-you, and those who know you already, know you as they choose to know you, and that may be enough.

My Kahuna, wants nothing to do with my blog, and he wants everyone else to know about my blog.

I thought you were talking of the by "invite only" blogs...which I so want to know more about, or at least have a peek behind the curtain.

tulpen said...

I pick and choose who I reveal the blog to. Family members who I think can handle it get to read...

Also, I moved to the new blog and changed all names just in case...which reminds me.. I have to get rid of the old one for good... soon.

K.Line said...

If you've known me for 5 minutes, you know about my blog. I don't consider it private - it's an extension of my personality, a vehicle for communication (a core value). My father reads it, my friends. And I don't censor (except to consider that everything that I put out there will be out there forever so it had better be articulate and not mean). Interestingly, my husband doesn't read it, except occasionally when I force him to check out a post. He says he lives it, so he doesn't have to read about it too :-)

Lorena said...

Just recently I told my husband about my blog.
The only reason was because he would see me putting the camera on timer and then running the other way, but, I could have just let him think I was losing it.
Thats the only person that knows!
Family is too critical, friends are just not into it... so why bother.

Kaz said...

In addition to my main blog, I have a blog that only I know about. It's not able to be accessed via Blogger, or any search engine.

I don't post to it much, but it's there when I need it.

Nobody needs to know everything about me. There are times when I just need to get it out. I don't need comments from anyone else, and I don't want others knowing that's where I'm at at that time.

I love the fact that I've 'met' some fabulous people via my blog. I'm more than happy for people I don't know reading my blog. I try to keep it from people I work with though, and family.

As for partners, well, who knows? The man I (still) love reads my blog. He's the one who encouraged me to set it up. Many of my past posts were about him. Not so much now.

Panty Buns said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cheryl said...

I've wished many and many a time I'd made my blog anonymous. I originally started it as a place simply to show new work and works in progress but quickly found that really boring.

I know some of my friends (and certain people I might be interested in :) have read my blog. It freaked me out at first and I went through my posts for anything I might not want them to read. I even, I admit, deleted a post or two. But then I thought, this is my place to express myself however I want. I might say regrettable or embarrassing things now and then but anyone who spends time with me will hear me say stuff like that sooner or later. All in all by reading my blog they can get to know me better. They see a side of me they might not otherwise see. Or they might see my point of view concerning certain events or issues more easily.

Then again...how much more would I say if I knew no one I know had any idea my blog existed?

Guess it's one of those modern day conundrums...

Lady Ren said...

So glad you brought this up so we can talk/write about it-.
I try and keep my blog vague- yet I tell all my friends and FB friends about it- as a result there are some things that I can't say-
I don't like the idea of people who I don't know well-but who know my family and where I live etc. knowing about my blog-
The evil eye is my biggest fear.

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

Only my immediate fam knows about my blog and a select few of my friends.

There are plenty of extended fam and friends who don't know but I like it that way. It's strange for me to explain that I take pics of my clothes...it doesn't always register with them. Then I'm paranoid that they will always look at me when I am busted looking...thinking...Oh no she didn't!

My sis will tell fashionably challenged people at her church about it to give them a hint to step up their game...which is why I NEVER visit her church!
LOL

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

Only my immediate fam knows about my blog and a select few of my friends.

There are plenty of extended fam and friends who don't know but I like it that way. It's strange for me to explain that I take pics of my clothes...it doesn't always register with them. Then I'm paranoid that they will always look at me when I am busted looking...thinking...Oh no she didn't!

My sis will tell fashionably challenged people at her church about it to give them a hint to step up their game...which is why I NEVER visit her church!
LOL

Jill said...

I suck at secrets.

pixelhazard said...

My blog is sort of secret. My fiancee knows about it but only because i don't want to hide things from him. I don't share secrets in it. There's just noone in my reality who understand why blog are kept...and i don't want to have to explain myself about something I enjoy

PixelHazard

Christiejolu said...

My family probably doesn't even know what blogs are and my guy knows I read and comment...I never mentioned I have a blog...He never asked either though...

Fragrant Liar said...

Guess it might hinge on whether or not your real name is attached anywhere at all to your blog. If a potential BF Googles you and the blog comes up, there will be . . . conversations.

I have gone both ways, telling my dates about the blog and not telling them. I think, at least in the beginning, it's better to NOT tell them. This way you can give them funny names, like Eeyore, when they turn out to be dull and whiny and ridiculously pompous. And you'll feel good about it. If they know about the blog, well, calling them names could get ugly.

As far as family and friends, I tell everybody about my blog. It's me, and my rule is that I never denigrate people--especially family and friends. Well, except for guys like Eeyore, and that's only to impart a smidgeon of his Eeyority. So I never have to feel self-conscious about anything I write. I never apologize for being me.

Bottom line is, it's your blog.

Caroline said...

I do have a secret blog... Sometimes it's good to have a place to express yourself, where you are not judged.

p.s. I would be glad to share it with you if you want ;)

Kitten said...

A few friends of mine know I have a blog, but they don't read it that often. My sister, whom I mention frequently, only reads it sporadically. My parents know I have a blog, but they don't know the address. Most of my friends, however, don't know I have a blog.

As for private blogs, I have written posts that never get published. I write them, save them, and delete them after awhile. Some things are better off not being shared.

Mrsblogalot said...

There is nothing like having your own space to say what you feel exactly the way you want to say it without any appologies or explanations.

I guess if I were catholic, confession would come close but I don't think priests can make buttons and cool headers.

Can they?

diane said...

J, The problem with having a blog is that it morphs. It's not the same thing it was a year ago. If your guy can't handle change, don't tell him. Meh, I think men are dumb anyway. So don't tell him.
It breaks my heart that some of your friends don't care to read your blog. Mine don't either, what is UP with that?!
Love, Diane xo
P.S. I know it might look like I don't like men, but I DO.....even though they're dumb.

十十f十 said...

i think the same thoughts too. i kinda relate most with what Fragrant Liar's said. so far, i've only let in one friend and one colleague about my blog. the parents of my niece know about my blog but i don't know if they read it. they use my notebook sometimes and my homepage is my blog. i've not bitched about them but still you won't know how one takes to how i express myself. for example, i recently did not hide one thing i observed from an outing with them. i kept it very brief, though. as for the only colleague who knows about my blog, sometimes i did wonder if it's a wise choice. i mean, i don't know very well yet but somehow i felt some affinity with her. what's more, she's very young but she seems mature beyond her years. and she'll be leaving my organisation soon. i do hope our friendship continues even after she's left.

it's a constant self-contradiction for me too, this issue about anonymity. my face is visible to all who stumbles on my blog. yet i don't announce it to people i know. why? i cannot explain it myself.

Char said...

none of my boyfriends "got" the blogging thing and since i've been revirginized...(aka: i give up) i haven't thought about it. my blog started out as a secret but now it's not. my sister reads it. i felt weird at first but got over it.

i say don't tell them until you gauge (1) if you're that into them, (2) they have an interest in the blog world, and (3) they are very cool. if they do not meet any of those...well...

Kitty Stampede said...

I think you are hilarious and that you should totally share it with a guy, and be proud. i guess it depends how well you know the guy and what he's like etc.
my blog is not secret but sometimes i wish it was. i feel like i can't put certain things because of it. cause of my mom and family..hehe.

Anonymous said...

Would be a tough call - I guess he would have to be "sponge worthy" (like the Seinfeld episode) to let him know I have a blog and check it out. I sure has heck would not want to let some guy I was just talking to over the internet into my life via my blog at the start.

I know, part of you wants to say, "Here I am for who I am, take it or leave it"; but until you have eye contact with the guy, you really don't know who or what he is about and sharing everything you feel and having him know it is akin to feeling violated if he continues to stalk you if he is still into you after meeting and you just want to forget about him and move on as he was for sure, not Mr. Right.

My son knows I have a blog and so does my boss; my son couldn't care less; which is equal to his Myspace account that I monitored for many months to find out that teenage boys like to insult each other as part of male bonding and send the girls they like links to totally assine videos. My boss was impressed that I could write and may help my career as I know she is thinking about me writing procedures for my job because I like to write stuff that only a limited number of people will read or care about.

From my personal experience from internet dating, I guess I can't say enough to be wary and at least phone them first using anonymous calling (every carrier differs on how to do this and it may cost extra for yours, but it REALLY is worth it) and get a feel for their personality; while they may paint roses and sunshine in their email, they may show their true selves over the phone.

Another is to meet in a public area, like a restaurant you like, and only agree to meet them for 1 hour due to other obligation; if it is bad, you only have to endure it for 1 hour...if it is a good date, you are more desirable due to being not available and you have time and thought to reflect on their behavior at the scene. Their behavior and attitude toward the waitstaff is a good indicator how they will act towards you in the long run; if they don't leave a tip and and rude and demanding..RUN no matter how otherwise perfect they may seem.

diane said...

Totally forgot to tell you how much I love the new header. Kind of reminds me of The Stand. You brilliant chickie you.

Simply Mel said...

Completely understand about not wanting certain family members and such to know about your blog (trust me, I come from a very conservative, religious 'close-minded' family) ~ but as far as a boyfriend or someone else goes, you shouldn't be ashamed of what you share on here. I believe your posts are witty, funny, and share a descriptive insight into who you are.... if someone doesn't like it, then is that really someone you wish to be in a relationship with?

S and O said...

darn it is so funny that you should write this post!
I used to have a secret blog, it was soooo much fun but then someone discovered it so I quickly deleted it :( One of these days I might start it up again...who knows...

xoxo
Olivia

ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND said...

Russ read my blog at lengh one time at work and when he came home he said he was disappointed by some of what he read. It turned into a screaming argument (I said his nephews are "idiots who bump into stupid walls" and his mother was a pill-popping shrew who drinks like a frat at rush with a bunch of vanity mirrors attached to her. I also said I wanted to kill her with an untraceable poison).

Keep your personal blog space (like your real life personal space) to yourself.

Alisa said...

I would love to have an anonymous blog. I would like to post what is really going on sometimes!

I say don't tell him. If you do, you can't blog about him honestly. Like a reader above said, tell him if you marry him.

Claire Kiefer said...

Such an interesting topic! I love your blog, and I'm intrigued about your decision to not reveal anything about who you are . . . especially since most of your posts aren't "personal." Mine's totally out in the open, and nothing I'd keep from anyone in particular. But then again, I'm a pretty open book in general, so maybe it's just that.

Asylum Dolly said...

Gah! I was just thinking about starting a secret blog so that i can curb my habit of oversharing everything. :S I'm not sure..on one hand i think it's good to be honest and raw and open sometimes. I don't like pretending, so if there is something i want to say, i will just say it, and to hell with the consequences. But then there is also the privacy factor...some things we express via blog because it is the only way we feel comfortable expressing certain things- so in that case i would totally understand the need and desire to keep it private.
I think though that once you got to know someone really well, and say, entered into a serious relationship with them, then you shouldn't have to hide stuff from them y'know? If they care about you they won't be "scared off" or judge you negatively. And if they did, they are jerks, because to me, your blog demonstrates what a cool, funny, intelligent, kickass chick you are!!!

Any man- or anyone in general for that matter- who reads my blog could be instantly turned off, as the content makes it quite apparant that i am a fucking fruitloop of the highest order. But then, i resent having to feel that i should somehow be ashamed of my feelings, or have to hide who i am just to gain other peoples approval. In a way, i guess it is my way of filtering out all the superficial commenters with nothing of substance to say. I can rest assured that if people figure out what a freak i am, but STILL want to communicate with me, that these people are quite genuine, if that makes sense?
I do understand the dilemma though. I would shit bricks if my family read my bloggy, as i KNOW they would not understand. My blog is a way of reaching out to those who DO.
My personal advice would be to only reveal what you are comfortable revealing at first...but then when you meet an awesome guy, and you become close enough, say "hey! you know i have this blog...", and by then,he will know you anyway, and reading your witticisms and attitude laden awesomeness will only add to the admiration methinks ;)

Len♥reNeverM♥re said...

same here...they don't bother to vist me-blog! Don't tell until you get to know the person better J! We're in the same kind of 'love boat' SOS!!! bahhh...

cerebral e said...

I don't think there's too much controversy on my blog (although I wouldn't want my parents reading my haiku about bad reasons to sleep with a random guy!) so I'm not too fussed about who reads it from my real life. My real-life friends that write/follow blogs read it as does my sister.

If I were dating someone I may throw out the "I write a haiku blog" line as a test of how much they are weird like me! I think that if a guy is good enough to date then he should understand your sense of humour, which is well-represented in your blog.

Dancing Branflake said...

Keep it secret until you trust the guy. Kind of like going to the bathroom. Not good viewing on a first date even though it is something you do everyday. Liz Lemon anyone?

wool and misc said...

I have a secretish blog. A couple of people from work read mine, including a direct report which makes me very uneasy.

Nathalie said...

This really is a tough question. Some people really don't understand what blogging is about. I think you can give it some time and thought until you decide it
*Nathalie

kristi said...

my blog is linked to my myspace, but not my fb. because my family would think im weird/crazy. but funny thing, my ex bf i recently got back together with, we were hanging out and he made a comment about something i'd only written on my blog. and i thought it was adorable that even though we weren't together he read my blog. i think it is cool to let ppl in your life know that you spend hours online writing about, "stuff" lol but not always tell them the url ^-^

creative kerfuffle said...

i don't think i could keep a blog from the hubs. sometimes there are things i'd like to write about but don't because he reads it off and on, but sometimes i work through things on there that i might not be able to verbalize. few friends know of it and only my sil and bro in my family know.
i wouldn't tell just anyone about it, like someone you date, but if you get serious about someone i'd tell them.

bravegrrl said...

my guy helps me by taking pix for my blog, but other than that my loved ones aren't too involved. i think my mom checks my blog. but my sis and the few friends i have are more into social networking... blah! so i don't know... i think it's kinda fun to have your own thing.. but i think a bf should know cuz you might get some help...

and i love that photo!

Heather Taylor said...

I don't have a private blog, but I do have a lesser-known Tumblr account to everyone else. Personally, I don't care if people see what I write. There's really no aspect of my life I'm embarrassed about or nervous and try to hide. I am literally an open book.

Kristine said...

Love your new header with the battling kitties!
Gee, the self censorship is always a tough dilemma. You should always feel free to express yourself however you want without worrying about offending anyone. You could use your blog as a seductive tool to lure a guy into your clutches because you are utterly charming a hilarious. Hopefully you aren't going to think I am a creepy cyber stalker now...

MarchMusings said...

My hubs knows all about my blog so that's alright. Blogging hasn't come up in conversation with friends or I'd tell them about it. There's a whole world out there who don't know about blogging and some of us lucky ones who do.

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

My blog is semi secret. My close friends know about it, but not a lot of other friends. I've always been a bit private. But people can always find you. I just spoke to my cousin and she commented on my blog...oh the wonders of Google.

pearls said...

bah, guess I really don't care.... mine started off private then the husband started to read it... now some family read it, mostly strangers. my family and friends don't care much or they read and don't comment just blog lurk it up, lame I know.

E said...

You blog doesn't disclose weird personal stuff so I wouldn't worry about it. This coming from the person who is super-paranoid about keeping blog/work/family separate (except for poor long-suffering husband, whose burden it is also to bear).

LOVE the new header. I had to pause to giggle before scrolling down. That needs to be on a t-shirt.

Do You Come with the Car? said...

I have a secret blog - or rather, the blog itself is very, very public but my identity is a secret. I would totally get Dooced otherwise. I find it to be quite fun! My coworkers pretty much all read it, but none of them know I'm the one writing it.

PS - Basement Cat vs Ceiling Cat is genius.

Stéphanie said...

I have no secret blog !

the spectator said...

Wait until you "know" him, trust him.

Word verification: whise, could that be a silent h?

Fancy! New Zealand Design Blog said...

OK first, i LOVE the new Banner. Fucking retarded!!! Wooooo!!

Next, I kinda reckon a blog like this one shouldn't be a secret. I'm guessing its a big part of who you are, and surely you are every bit as hilarious and cool and open and rad in real life, so anyone who matters to you (not random acquaintances, granted) would probably love to hear about it and check it out.

The Zhush said...

When I started my blog in October, I kept it a secret from everyone except my husband, kids, parents and siblings...but after a while it felt weird not telling friends and everyone else what I was up to, so I "outed" myself. Its a weird feeling putting yourself "out there", but, and this is going to sound sooo cliche, when the right guy comes along, you will be so chill and comfortable with him, that you will want to share your blog as well.

SabinePsynopsis said...

K.Line voiced it nicely with 'It's an extension of my personality part of who I am... I feel like that, too. So I'm not keeping it secret, but (different to the beginning) I've stopped telling people about it. Anyone who likes me has to take me the way I am - including my blogging activities. The funny thing is my 'inner circle' - husband, daughter, siblings, parents - hardly ever look at it. Guess I'm too much without blog already... I could imagine that it might be similar for you. HE might be more interested in you as a REAL person than in your virtual activities.

bananas. said...

Is it weird that i feel 10x cooler now being one of the many that know about your blog? Oh and if someone dislikes you after seeing your blog, well then that person is an asshole. Just sayin.

Yelena R. said...

The only person in real life who knows about my blog is my roommate...I don't know, I feel like even if i told my friends and family that I have a blog, they wouldn't really care...or read it! :) What I talk about in my blog is what I live out in real life, so my friends already experience or hear about it personally, so there's no point of rehashing it for them. So yeah, my blog is for my own memories, and sometimes to entertain my blog friends :)

Fashion, Art and other fancies said...

I so agree Sabine. Only a handful of my friends know that I blog - as Sabine said, it's an extension of oneself. The people I care about knows that I maintain a blog.
Get to know him better then introduce the idea of your blog.

Addict said...

My husband knows about my blog and a few of my friends do (including FB friends). However, telling a new man in your life about the blog is not such a great idea.
BUT, once you get to know him a bit better, then tell him about the blog. You have such a great hilarious sense of humor that it is impossible for a great guy to NOT like you more for it!

http://outfitaddict.com

Harvey K said...

This account is a secret, and it is liberating to have a place where you can talk freely without having to consider what your friends and family might think.

Of the few people that do know about it, they are people I trust and know so well that it would be impossible to offend them. But otherwise, I don't advertise it.

The Seeker said...

My husband and my closest family always knew about my blog as for others... I think most of the people know my blog... it was enough a coworker find it and boom I started to receive hate comments... now I think they forgot and you know it was a tough time, but now I'm relief that I don't have to hide it.

Luv, dear

xoxo

fishy said...

Very interesting post and comments. I just started my blog and no one in my family knows about it, or will. As for my boyfriend who I have lived with for the last ten years, if he ever found out about it , it would have to be deleted, pronto. Luckily he has no interest in computers, unless he's looking over my shoulder to see what I'm up to.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

my family knows about my blog, but sometimes i wish i hadn't told them so i could really unleash the hate.

i think the blog is actually a good way to meet guys. then at least you know he'll have a sense of humor. but then again, he'll know where to stalk you if you ever break up.

asweetcakes said...

i always feel weird and shy when i tell people i have a blog, my family knows but i have never caught them sneaking a pic, and i think they forget sometimes! I don't think i'd want my bf to know though *shudder*

Chessa! said...

I think that everyone has to do what they feel comfortable with and what makes them happy. I love your blog bc it always makes me laugh and it's always honest. Your personal posts are always so real and in general you share things and say things that most people are thinking anyway. I think you're fabulous, DG. for realz. You obviously have a reason for keeping this place a secret from your family but as for a significant other...I mean, at some point if it gets really serious it's going to slip out that you blog at this place on an almost daily basis - if you every pee with the door open or let a little gas slip out I think it would the same as letting the person know about your blog...it's normal and it's part of who you are. ;-)

Down and Out Chic said...

i'd say keep it a secret from the future guy for a while. you might lose a sense of what you think you can say if you feel like someone was looking over your shoulder too much. know what i mean?

Gabby said...

My blog isn't a secret per se, but only a handful of people I know IRL know about it. It always makes me feel weird when someone tells me they read my blog, even though there's nothing on there that is questionable. I've told guys I've dated that I blog but haven't given them the address. I'm sure I'd be more comfortable doing that once I really trusted a guy. Yanno?

Sam said...

I think if a guy like likes you then he will totally love and cherish your blog - really and truly I believe that to be the truth!

Jenny. said...

Babe. Mine is a secret blog because I am lazy..I am so very,very lazy..

chloe said...

bf knows about it cos he encouraged me to start it up since i was spending so much time looking at other people's outfits (and i suspect boring him with the details). my sister in australia reads it, im happy to knows she 'sees' my news. 3-4 other people of my real life know about it, not many. sometimes i want to tell more people (maybe it would open somekind of door for me?) but mostly i feel shy.
so i'll just let it go where it wants..

i agree with the majority, wouldn't tell a new man straight away but its such a huge part of you that it would be fun to share. and now that we're on the men subject, surely there must be some cool/funny male bloggers that you could compare postings with??

Diana said...

I think whatever makes you feel comfortable.
I have a private blog but it's just for my access, like a digital diary/scrapbook.

I don't think you should keep it from your next bf. This is part of who you are, an extension and he should love and accept you for that.