Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Black Cloud Vs. Sunshine

Mitch Dobrowner, Rings, Valentine, Nebraska, 2009
Mitch Dobrowner, Rings, Valentine, Nebraska, 2009

Ay yi yi. A black cloud has been looming over me lately.

When I got home from vacation, my cat Leo looked AWFUL. Just terrible. I took him to the vet, and the vet wasn't really giving me eye contact. Not a good sign. Leo went from 18 lbs last year, to 14 lbs in April, but I thought he was on the mend, or at least stabilized. But the scale showed he was down to 11 lbs, and it looked grim. $1500 later [(*@#$%^!@#$^*!], the vet told me my cat had irritable bowel disease,  that he was severely anemic, and that he might have cancer. The thought of losing a pet and friend that I have had for 12 years just cut me to the core.

I've also been worried about my older sister. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and they found three different types of cancer in her. Three.  THREE.  She has been undergoing chemotherapy, and doesn't really want to talk to anyone.  I completely understand that, but it is distressing to think of what she must be going through.  And it is super selfish to say this, but the more family members crop up with cancer [or any other disease], the more you feel like you might as well order a coffin and a plot in a cemetery, as the clock is ticking until you get it.

My younger sister and I got together for brunch on Saturday, and we talked about everything, including the above matters, and some other touchy subjects I just don't feel like elaborating on. I ended up crying in the restaurant. Who does that?! Ugh. Not a shining moment for me.

Then on Sunday my computer just up and died. 

And then more stuff [it is possible that I am going through my millionth mid-life crisis -- grrr], but I don't want to relay it all and depress the hell out of YOU, too!!!

All I could think was hells bells, cut me some slack dark cloud, and MOVE ON TO THE NEXT PERSON. 

But it feels like the dark cloud just might be lifting a bit. Maybe? Hopefully? The vet called me and told me Leo does not have cancer, and that he thinks we can treat his disease with meds. I might be able to hold on to my little friend for a little while longer.  YAY!

The man that custom built my rad computer for me 4 years ago says he can fix it in a week or so, no problem. Whew. Money has been so tight lately, and the thought of avoiding another big expense is such a relief. 

So, being a giant cheeseball, I am feeling a bit of sunshine breaking through that awful black cloud. So many ups and downs in life, and more ups than downs sure would be nice!


And whenever I see or hear the word "sunshine," I think of this song:

Yes, you can go ahead and make fun of me now.  And if you saw me try to dance to this song, or heard me try to sing it, you would die laughing.  Trust me!   :)



Susan Erickson said...

great song...even had an old broad like me looking foolish....life is like that...we have to be really aware of the blissful moments in our lives because sorrow is not far behind. None of us can escape....hugs!

tulpen said...

Happy to hear about your cat... and I hate cats, so that something...

Sending cheesy sunshiney thoughts your way.

diane said...

Real women cry in restaurants sometimes.....and in the bank.....or at a gas station......or on the sidewalk. It happens.
I'm sorry for what you are going through Drolly. xo d

The Zhush said...

Crap! That is a lot of stuff to be dealing with...hope it all turns around for you (and your sister) and soon!

bananas. said...

oh man...i'm so glad this post has a semi-happy ending! i was gonna start crying FOR YOU if it got any more depressing :(

i'm sorry about all the dark cloud stuff but more happy to hear about all the sunshine stuff.

let's hope the sunshine keeps on shining for a long time.

Caroline said...

OMG...deep breaths...deeeeeeeep breaths! so glad that Leo is gonna be OK. I am so sorry about your sister. Shit...that just sucks. All will work out. This is life and sometimes when it rains it pours...but the sun has to come out!! And I do think I see some rays breaking up the clouds... xoxo

P.S. If it makes you feel better, I am totally addicted to The Hills (I know...kill me now). I was up until 2AM watching past episodes and am 3 episodes into season 6...holy hell...at least you are not married to Spencer Pratt...just sayin!!!!


I cannot sing, or carry a tune but, when Rob Base comes on I become a pro.

Cancer = Chaos.
There is no reasoning with chaos.
No room for begging, or negotiating.

When we clean up our 'act' with a controlled diet, when actually give our 'self' a chance to survive.

Our neighbor put his bulldog on a strict diet of brown rice and boiled chicken. He makes a batch a week. That dog is at a normal weight, has a permanent smile, and his poo-don't-stink!!!
Everyone is happy.

For us: we need to balance out our acid/alkaline levels.

No: soda, sugars, coffee, meats.
Yes: veggies, minerals(colored sea salt), Kangen water, coconut water.

It's only that initial 'transition' time that's the challenge. The rest is easy. Choose to be well & Swell.

Cheers!...you know I love you. <3

5thsister said...

Oh dear...hugs to you, your sisters and your cat.

Lynn said...

How about bursting into tears in line at Target!? Mama said there'd be days like this! Glad Kittie is on the mend.
I am also ascared of those Regretsy people!

Savvy Gal said...

oh no. sending you a little hug!

Gabby said...

Sad face. I'm glad to hear there's been some good news! I hope the good news keeps coming, lady :)

Char said...

((hugs)) lord don't i know some of these feelings - particularly about cancer. having lost grandparents and parents to it, i feel as if i have a limited time left on this earth.

and yay for your little buddy.

Alisa said...

I am sorry about your dark cloud! :(

It is a good idea to listen to music that lifts your mood. This is a good one. It brings back good memories for me. Get yourself a big medallion to wear, that should brighten your day!

Hang in there. Your readers are here for you!!

Tia said...

Get that big black cloud out of here!!! Glad to hear that things are looking up, that Leo is sticking around, as is the computer. I hope everything turns out ok for your sister, what a hard time for her.

And when ever Im in a bad mood, Im going to totally expect you to post a video of you dancing to Rob Base & DJ EZ rock!!

WendyB said...

Whoa, you're going through a lot. Hoping for the best for your sister!

Kara said...

YIKES. Chin up, girlfriend. It's life's job to kick your ass sometimes to see how bad ass you really are. Looks like you're passing the test.

Dancing Branflake said...

Girlfriend! I am so sorry life has been down lately. And I am so sorry to hear about your sister, I mean I remember you saying she had ovarian cancer before but it looks like it's not been going well. So sorry!
I am glad things are looking brighter. Makes me happy to know your good friend will be okay, with proper and I'm guessing very expensive meds that is.

Phoenix said...

Aw, Droll. I'm so sorry that life has been rough on you lately. Wish I could swat it away for you with a really big baseball bat.

I hope everything turns out okay with your sister. Don't worry, I cry all the time in restaurants...at movies...driving...

I used to be the girl who never cried. Now I cry all the time. I'm trying to appreciate that one means I'm a feeling human being and the other me was very not okay.

We all go through dark-cloud-covered shit. Here's hoping the sunlight does find you (without any intended corniness of my very own.)

...love Maegan said...

Joy and Pain ...Sunshine and Rain. You know I'm singin' it! ...and I would NEVER make fun of you for liking an awesome song lololol! ;) WE BUILT THIS CITY {on rock and roll}

Christiejolu said...

I am wishing for the best for your sister!

Ebony said...

There is nothing wrong with Rob Base. I discriminate and only run to 80's rappers so if you weren't hot then, get off my playlist.

I know when you're sitting in the middle of it, it doesn't make things better to know, but you're not alone in this and you and your sister can find your strength in each other.

Here is the list of cliches my mother has been spouting to me for the last year. Maybe one will hit home for you ... probably not, but maybe it'll make you laugh:

There's always someone worse off than you.
You're lucky to have all you have, stop obsessing about what you don't have.
We're not meant to be happy all the time.
Life is a being your best under all circumstances.
No one ever promised you a bed of roses.
No one ever promised you it would be easy.
What God (fill in your higher power here) has for you, can't be destroyed.
Shit happens! (I think she was a little pissed when she gave me this pick-me-up)
Nothing ever stays the same ... your problems are not the exception.
You're more than just your feelings ... stop living as if you're not.

her said...

man, girl...i'm sorry to hear all of that. i'm glad your kitty will be ok, i get ridiculous when it comes to pets so i feel you. and your family :( keep your head up!

Missy said...

WoW! You are going though a lot! Prayers for your sister and your cat!

Felicia said...

Oh no!! I'm glad your cat will be ok though. I totally know how you feel, when it rains it pours. I'm sorry your sister is shutting you out during this hard time. My mom kind of did that too when she was going through chemo and it's frustrating being on the other side. It also is hard to feel judgemental towards someone going through that though.

L.A. Daze said...

It's okay to cry after everything you mentioned! It's a lot of stuff to process. Cancer is so scary, and I hope your sister is able to beat it and beat it good.

And yay for Leo being cancer free! Who knew cats could get IBS?

anotherfishinthesea said...

i hope everything does get much brighter for you VERY soon! and I think in this particular circumstance crying in a restaurant was justified. feel better!

Caitlin said...

My thoughts are with your family--cancer really affects everyone close to it. I'm so sorry. :(

I hope Leo heals soon! A lady at work just had her pet die and I had sympathy tears. I've known her for two weeks lol. I just can't stand the thought!

Take care of yourself!

Pretty Little World said...

More Sunshine #1

More Sunshine #2, Better Sunshine

Kitty Stampede said...

DAMMIT...I don't even want to think of a black cloud over your head. I am sooo glad to hear that there is some good news and sunshine sprouting up. I find things all always happen at once..and sucks it had to come after your vacation..geez. Leo will troop on through this. It's great he doesn't have C. I hate the freaking C. I am sick of hearing about everyone getting it. It's cause our world is so toxic, there are cancer causing toxins in everything from laundry soap to our makeup to obviously pesticides in our foods. we gotta go back to our toots, i mean roots (figured i'd keep the misspell in cause it was funny..:P). blah!
anyhoosers things will get better, trust me. I send you a BIG HUGS! xoxo

Lorena said...

Damn seems like the same cloud that was over here last week. and still is... has extended all the way to you.
I am sorry you are going through this.
Little by little things will clear up and the sun will shine in.... we are never given more than we can handle.

Big Red said...

So sorry that the shit storm has been raining down on you. When it rains, it fuckin' pours. But it sounds like the tide is turning (yay) and... and... I don't know what other sunshiny things I can say without them being a cliche... So I am sending you good juju! :)

PS - thanks for the comments on my pics. The watermelon one is one of my faves too.

melissa said...

long time lurker, first time commenter. i just had to tell you that your posts very often make me LOL (yeah, i said it) and holy crap that song brings me back to high school. i always felt bad for rob base and dj e-z rock, from what i heard they sold their lovely jams for a box of newports and some puma sweats. just keep on keeping on girl, and know that we love you.

blueviolet said...

I'm so glad the sun finally peeked through and took some of the ugliness away. Just when you think it can't get worse, something like that happens.

Sam said...

Oh man! So glad the cloud has shuffled on a piece! I've cried in restaurants plenty of times - I say go for it! Fingers crossed for your little Leo - my heart stopped beating a bit reading about him. So, so sorry to hear about your sis - it's great they've identified everything - may she pull through. Thinking of you D.G. XO's

C.B. said...

Glad that some things got better. That's life. It's like the fates are testing your resilience. Hang in there

My best to you and yours.

Ellie Grace said...

That is definitely good news about your kitty. I would have mourned with you, my friend. But thankfully, he still has a few more go-arounds before he calls it quits. Enjoy him!
As for the crying in the restaurant and difficult conversations with sisters, I feel your pain. How is your other sister reacting to the chemo? Is she doing alright? Praying for you guys...
You can do this, drollgirl. Don't put the cart before the horse; you are perfectly healthy as of now. Don't stress yourself out, take it one day at a time. Like I said, I'm praying for you.


libbeh ♥ said...

Man girl, we must be soul sisters or something because I had a case of the "dark clouds" a few weeks ago, and dare I jinx myself by saying this, I feel that there might be a little sunshine peeking through.

In all seriousness, I am deeply sorry for all your misfortunes. I know what it feels like to have one hardship pile on top of another. You just feel so WTF @!#@#&%! at the world.

I wish you all the SUNSHINE and "JOY OY OY OY OY OY" you need right now! :-D

BTW, Leo is the epitome of all that is cat cuteness! I am in enamored with his "catasche"! I am one step closer to adopting a kitten, LOL!

Gabbi said...

Drollgirl, it sucks to be going through so much at the same time... never get why stuff gangs up like that! But really glad to hear that Leo can be treated and that the computer shouldn't be too expensive. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts towards your sis and your family!

Also, really wanna hear you sing 'Joy and Pain' now... you're too awesome!

DAWN said...

Those dark moments in each of our lives are horrible. It is hard sometimes to reach out to something that feels good when we think there ISN'T anything that feels good. Happily you are moving out of the rough waters and into something more manageable. Now just sit back and enjoy the peeks of sunshine. I hope all will be well with your sister. That is a tough one, no doubt.

Many hugs and good wishes being sent to you and yours.


DAWN said...

Those dark moments in each of our lives are horrible. It is hard sometimes to reach out to something that feels good when we think there ISN'T anything that feels good. Happily you are moving out of the rough waters and into something more manageable. Now just sit back and enjoy the peeks of sunshine. I hope all will be well with your sister. That is a tough one, no doubt.

Many hugs and good wishes being sent to you and yours.


Susan Erickson said...

heh drollgirl....I thought about your cat and sister all night....I just lost my dog and it still haunts me. Cancer has also devastated my family. This will be a very hard time for you. Hug all of them and really feel it. memories keep us going.....

Georgina Dollface said...

Sending you my bestest thoughts and prayers that your sister gets better and that your cat recovers with the help of some meds. Hugs. - G

Asylum Dolly said...

Oh man. The cloud has GOTTA lift for you soon! This seems to have been one fucker of a year for you :(

Don't ever feel bad about crying in a restaurant!!! Or crying ever.I've cried in public quite a few times this year :S And that's just because I'm a loonytune. You've been enduring some pretty heavy shit, so i'd be a bit weirded out if you DIDN'T have a cry with all this shit that's been going on.
You are DEFINITELY one strong lady though, and the fact that you CAN feel a hint of sunshine off and on lately is proof of that.
Biiiig hugs to you girl ♥
I know i can't do anything to help, but my love and well wishes go out to you and your fam (kitty cat included!). I'm not the praying type, but i will be definitely doing my version from here in Oz xox

Heff said...

I hate cats my damnself, so no sympathy there, but I DO have a downed computer so...."Awwwww !"

anita @ a dreamer's den said...

hang in there!!
sometimes life's a bitch. and sometimes we just have to cry; even in restaurants.

cerebral e said...

Your blog is my sunshine.

Who woulda thought cats could get IBS?

Len♥reNeverM♥re said...

so sorry J, but it's a happy ending I hope

Hanako66 said...


vint junky said...

Ah hon *virtual hug*

I would say there must be a wole heap of good karma coming your way sometime soon.

Keep us posted about your sister and how she's doing, poor love


Jill said...

Yay Cheese!

cheeseball...get it?! I'm a little goofy today. I'm sending the sun to you straightaway!

morgan said...

May more sunshine come your way. At least the black cloud didn't overstay its welcome. I'm sorry for your sister and glad to hear Leo is on the mend. That is a whole helluva lot to take in all at once!

Tracie said...

I'm so sorry about your sister. I hope you're still having sunny days and glad Leo is on the mend.


chloe said...

aw, big hugs from me too, glad that kitty is ok and i hope your sister is handling everything ok.
tough times may be shitty but they do make the good times mean more.
on that note, there's nothing like 80s r'n'b to cheer oneself up, lol

Down and Out Chic said...

you have a lot on your plate right now, but i know YOU know that it can't stay like this for too much longer. and if it does, you can just come visit me and we'll indulge in mexican food and margaritas and it at least seems a little better :)

perfectionishuman said...

..black clouds scare the crap outta me!

十十f十 said...

it's perfectly ok to shed tears, darling. there's so much literature about sunshine after the rain. when're we at the core of our pain, it's indeed hard to see the good and hope on the good that will follow. hold fast onto the one who grants us peace beyond our understanding :)

Kristine said...

Oh you. I'm so sorry you are going through so much.You have a whole lotta love being sent your way, and lots of spill over for your sister and Leo as well. Never feel bad about tears, public or private, that stuff has to come out in one way or another. Take care of yourself as much as possible, do nice things for yourself, cuddle Leo and dance up a storm. Love that song.