Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Foot in Mouth

Foot in the Mouth
Image found here

Sometimes I am sensitive, thoughtful and caring, and I know exactly what to say or do.  And sometimes I am a gigantic jerk, and I really blow it.

I recently managed to offend the boss' brother, the boss' sister-n-law, and the boss' accountant all within about 90 seconds. Hooray for me.

A while back I really put my foot in my mouth. I went to get my car out of the parking garage at work, and one of the parking attendants was smiling from ear to ear, and he looked like he was just DYING to talk to me. So I asked him why he was so happy, and he said that he was so excited because he was moving to Utah. Without thinking, I wrinkled my nose and said, "Utah? Ew. Lots of Mormons there." His smile faltered, his lips quivered, and his eyes narrowed as he said, "I am a Mormon." And I smiled and tried to make a quick save as I said, "Then it is PERFECT for you!!!!" UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH.

Apparently this foot-in-mouth syndrome runs in my family. One of my sisters supervises a few staff members at her job (WHICH IS BEYOND ME, AS SHE HAS A HEAD FULL OF SAWDUST, BUT THAT IS ANOTHER BLOG POST ALTOGETHER). One lady that she supervises was out on leave because she had diabetes-related complications, and she had to have her foot amputated. So, needless to say, this woman was out of work for months while she recuperated. On her first day back to work, my sister went up to her, hugged her, and said, "Oh! It is so good to see you back on your feet again!" CRINGE. HORROR. FOREHEAD SLAP.

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47 comments:

Ellie Grace said...

Ohhhh I shouldn't laugh... I really shouldn't. But...
:)

-Ellie

Christina In Wonderland said...

Open mouth. Insert foot. I do that a lot too. But seriously, I would have passed that Mormon thing off as a joke somehow. Just to not seem like a big douche. :/

Caroline said...

I totally do shit like that all the time! You would think I have learned by now...but no. *shakes head*

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

*doh*

I don't really do that as much as I have awkward silences. Sometimes i never what to say in a conversation and I just kind of stare because I am filtering my thoughts.

K.Line said...

I feel your pain! And that anecdote about your sister is HILARIOUS. I'm sure all of the people you offend know that you have a good heart and it's accidental.

Morgan said...

We all do this... unfortunately.. and it's always mortifying!

Ebony said...

I couldn't even focus on your post because of my intrigue in the incredibly wierd and ugly dog. It creeps me out in the way possums do.

It is quite possible that you have that dog and think it's the most perfect pet other, which would mean I have now stuck my foot in my mouth.

Missy said...

I am NOT laughing... LOL
I feel your pain. My foot stays in my mouth.

only a movie said...

Oh yes... I've been there. Ack.

bananas. said...

sadly enough, i am the same exact way. i tend to get put my foot in my mouth on the reg. and actually i think it's a symptom of ADD...commonly speaking without thinking. i should know...i've done some research lately as my ADD has gone haywire! but anyway ere's a good example for you...

on fb my friend's status said "i have no legs"...quote from kids. i commented that i too have no legs and then went on and on about the guy in the movie who had no legs. i said and i quote "how do you not have legs?! seriously?!" my friend texted me shortly thereafter. her answer...one can lose their legs in war. just like her friend...who happened to comment before me. oops! needless to say that comment was deleted and i now refuse to comment on anything else she writes.

bananas. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

It happens to all of us, When it happens to me, I just quickly slink away somewhere else!

libbeh ♥ said...

:-\ It's okay, looks like you have quite a few ppl that have feet in their mouths too.

I tend to be a little too harsh/blunt at times, so yeah.. I'm guilty of FIM syndrome too.

Bloom Creatives said...

Ebony, that's actually a cat, which will probably freak you out even more.

L.A. Daze said...

I catch myself making stupid comments midway, so I end up looking like the idiot while I try to swallow or stumble around my words.

Stacy Conner said...

The Mormon comment is great, but your sis takes the cake with the "two feet" one. I am still laughing.

Thanks for the support on the migraines. I got meds and am taking a two pronged approach to them: keep them away naturally and then hit them with drugs & homeopathic remedies when they hit me. :) I hope the two week episode never happens again.

Dancing Branflake said...

Oh, don't worry about that. Seriously, I am Mormon and I get that all the time. Haha- I just outed myself!
Seriously, we get teased and harassed all the time and although people sometimes do it out of spite I know that plenty of my friends do it because they don't realize and they are trying to make a joke. You know what I always say when someone complains that Utah is all Mormon? I say: "Ew, I know. I'm Mormon and I can't stand to be around so many of us either." I love being around my LDS friends 24/7 but I COULD NOT handle Utah when I lived there. I am not one to cast the first stone and pass judgement on someone's FIM because I have had my own FIM too many times to count and would like a little forgiveness also.

Alisa said...

Yes, sometimes I wish I could rewind!

rach said...

ok first of all about the utah thing?? dude I lived there- in mormon usa. I was raised mormon- and I'm definately not anymore. I wasn't even really that mormon when I lived there. Thanks mom and dad. so yes utah sucks, not cause of the state but because of those crazy uber mormons. (there are some cool mormons- they just are way more relaxed about everything. and hard to find in utah haha) so dont worry about what you said to that kid- he needed a dose of reality apparently.
secondly- I SO do this ALL THE TIME. When we were in london and staying with our friend- her roomate who while being nice was a little odd. And for some reason we were talking about pyschiatrists kids- and I said "Man- I don't know what it is but therapists kids are always the most fucked up. Its like a preachers kids- they are the one getting in the most trouble." Well everyone at the table looks at the one roomate who is sitting there smirking at me. Then she says "so yeah my mom is a psychiatrist." (GAAHHHH HEAD ON TABLE. REPEAT.)I was falling all over myself trying to "clarify" what i meant. UGH.

(on a side note- what i said was totally true though- girl's a little crazy)

WendyB said...

90 seconds! You're efficient!

Pretty Little World said...

The parking garage conversation = perfection. I probably would have said exactly the same thing.

:)

Heff said...

I'm the KING of creating that type of situation.

Don't feel bad. Funny shit !

Isabel said...

lol...this was a funny post!

Trixie said...

You have a special talent there :D

Tia said...

bahahahaha!!! Back on your feet?? Thats great! I bet she felt like an idiot! I LOVE when people say really awkward stuff.

Char said...

sounds exactly like something i would do. my funniest story like that was at one christmas pot luck (i was brand new to the company) one of the women asked me what was good...i replied 'oh, everything...except the cheesecake - don't waste your calories.' she smiled and didn't say anything. i found out later that day that she made the cheesecake (ACK)

my funniest mormon story is one time i had to fly to boise for a meeting with a co-worker. we checked into the hotel exhausted but wanting a drink. so we asked the clerk where was the closest, nice bar. she responded, 'i'm LDS' in my tired mind i translated that she was somehow saying she is learning disabled? i repeated my request slowly and then gave an example, 'you know, wine?' she repeated "i'm LDS"...blank stares all around. finally she said, "i'm latter day saints, we don't drink so i don't know any bars." UGH

Char said...

and don't you just love blogments? LOL

Kris said...

hahaha poor guy... but that's hilarious!

ps stop by for an award!

the eternal list said...

foot-in-mouth disease, i'm a chronic sufferer myself, hence why i'm a blogger now, couldn't cope out there IRL

btw, nothing beats the cuteness of my cat, but that pic sure does come close

Hanako66 said...

just couldn't help but laugh

sssdawna said...

that's pretty funny : ) but that picture is ewww

Lorena said...

I know its not right, but hahah I am laughing so hard !
I have been like that too, then I feel awful. Terrible.
Ashamed. But, still laugh.
OMG
Am I a bad person ?

Kristine said...

I am the queen of foot in mouth. I once slapped a blind client of mine on the back and said "no time no see!" I was mortified.

Kitty Stampede said...

OMG I do shit like that ALL THE TIME.

I did on my first day of work just a couple weeks ago, my boss was limping and i said "oh are you okay, did you sprain your ankle like i did?" or something like that. and he's like "No, I always walk like this, I have a hole in my heart." WTF?!?!?!?! I felt so dumb.

Christiejolu said...

OMG that is so funny...I do stuff like this all the freakin time!!!

Kara said...

Oh man, that's the WORST feeling. Not gonna lie though, that was pretty hilarious. I'm sure they've heard it before ;)

Phoenix said...

K, I'm totally going to hell, because I cracked up at your sister's comment. Honestly, the worst quality in the world is not having a sense of humor. I hope, for those poor unfortunate souls that were on the receiving end of your and your sister's verbal slips, that they laughed it off and got on with their life.

I know what you mean though - most of the time I am a very sensitive and mature communicator and sometimes, swear to God, I'm a petulant 14 year old boy who just rolls her eyes and thinks GET OVER IT. And then I want to slap myself for being a douchebag.

PS wrinkly cats kinda freak me out. But this one is cute.

morgan said...

Horrifying as those stories may be, they are pretty damn funny!

vint junky said...

I get that. It's like that old Fawlty Towers episode 'Don't mention the War' ... it's there and it has to fight it's way out.
One of my old colleagues was convinced i had a mild form of tourettes, so i feel your pain

x

...love Maegan said...

NO SHE DID NOT!!??!!?!?!??!?!?!?/

BACK ON YOUR FEET AGAIN!?!?:LJRELKGFJALKFJ

AHAHAHAHHAHAH




amazing.

Vivienne said...

Nooooooo! Oh Lordy, how did she recover from THAT one?

I had a Jr. High teacher that wore short sleeve collared shirts and ties. One day he mentioned in class that he had ridden his bike to school. I piped up, "Gee Mr. Heath, people are going to think you're a Mormon or something..." Of course he calmly responded, "I am a Mormon."

thelayeredpancake said...

haha i am sorry you were a jerk. wasn't some governor of massachusetts a mormon? did he try to run for president of the republican party? i dont know how this is relevant.

Adiya said...

Hahahaha! You guys are hilariously inappropriate. lol!

Have you considered writing a book? You have quite a way with words you know ;)

十十f十 said...

agree with Adiya. i get what you mean, about being nice when you can and all that. sometimes i have people say i'm too nice. but i think most people don't think so. i'm not very trained in facework.

Down and Out Chic said...

hahaha, you always know how to make a me feel better.

Farah said...

argh...my interwebs is not letting me post comments!!!

anyways, yeah it totally happens to me too! but I guess once you've been doing it for so long you kinda get used to it, well at least I did...wait...that's bad right?

Diana said...

I do this all the time! I have the worst tact ever! It's the worst especially when I TRY and it comes out horrific. I feel ya!