Sunday, November 21, 2010

Emails from Exes

dumb

ARGH!!!!!!!! Last week someone/something high-jacked my personal email address book and emailed my friends and family a link to some stupid Canadian prescription drug website. A) How do they do that? B) What fuckers. C) Is that REALLY an effective method to increase business to your website you fucking tools?! I suspect it is even LESS effective than telemarketing!!!!  HUFF. Anywhoo, a few older relatives demanded an explanation  as to why I sent them that link (HELLO!?!?!?!? ARE YOU BRAND NEW TO COMPUTERS AND THE CONCEPT OF SPAM?!?!?!?!?), and everyone else pretty much figured out what happened. And then I got a doozy of an email from an ex.  Why oh why is his email address still in my address book?!  ARGH!!!! @#$%^!&!   Here is what he wrote me:

I suspect your computer has received some kind of virus. I was so excited to think that someone I once cared so much for, thought I was in love with had decided to be civil, to be friendly as though there had actually been something between us. So I can't imagine you actually sent me a link to a Canadian Web Site selling Viagra, Cialas and Levitra. While maybe that's all I was to you, I'm sure I didn't leave you feeling like I needed help in that department. I of course am being a little sarcastic because of how you hurt me when you dropped me so coldly and didn't even want to remain in contact. But on a serious note, I and several of your boyfriends received this link: INSERTSTUPIDFUCKINGCANADIANDRUGWEBSITEHERE

It would have been nice to have actually heard from you, I always thought I was very nice to you and treated you with respect and the love and care I hoped for in return. Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, yada, yada, ya. I don't expect a reply but please check your computer.

Your wounded friend and x-lover

XXXXXX

COME ON.  GIMME A BREAK.  If I respond to him, he will think I want to be friends (which, to him, means THE POSSIBILITY OF HOOKING UP AND/OR RECONCILING -- NO FUCKING THANK YOU.  WE TRIED THAT YEAR AFTER YEAR AND WE WILL NEVER WORK TOGETHER. WE BROKE UP SIX YEARS AGO.  MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!).  If I don't respond, I am a horrible, evil and cruel woman that he can remain eternally pissed at, and continue thinking that I was 100% at fault all along.  OHFERTHELOVEOFGAWD.  So stupid.  

I am guessing some of you have dealt with similar situations with your exes?   The eternal question of whether it is a good idea or a bad idea to be friends with exes rages on.  ARGH.  So dumb.  If I sound particularly perturbed, it is because another man [in addition to the one mentioned above] is trying to manipulate me, too, and I am not having it!!!!  I don't have the energy to describe THAT situation, too.  ARGH!  So dumb!!!!!

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40 comments:

carly said...

BAHHHHH.
it was me. hahah i confess. i sent the email the drug company. canadian, like me. hahahah

what an idiot.
glad you "dropped him so coldly".
bahahhaha

(actually joking about the drug company part)

Midtown Girl said...

Exes are a strange group. They get into a "mood" and start up with their nonsense. He prob just ended it with someone and wants to vent...thank goodness it was an email & not a VM!!

Improbable Joe said...

Hey!

At least when I try to manipulate you, it is only to get you to buy me cool death metal distortion pedals. :)

I never talk to exes... they either want to talk about why they are an ex-whatever, or they want to keep hurting you long after it should be over, or both.

Katie said...

oh my god i wanted punch him two lines in. he spent way too much time writing that. barf

Claire Kiefer said...

I have a very important question: Did he really, literally write "your wounded friend and x-lover?" If so, he does not merit a response. What a TOOLBAG! Man that is one pathetic email. If you really wanna be snide, write back "Sorry about the virus. Happy holiday!" ha. Sometimes curtness is worse than silence.

It sucks how much emails from exes can be disconcerting. I "hid" all my exes on facebook when I was in a particularly wise mood, but then got a random text message one day from one of them saying he was sitting at a bar in San Francisco (he lives in Georgia) and would I come meet him for a drink. Had I not "hid" him, then I would have known from his updates that he was on a road trip to California! Catch 22, I tell ya.

Hope you can shake it off soon! XOXO

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

He sounds so hurt and jilted...that means you must have put it on him!

Bravo girl! Bravo!

Rachael said...

Seems to me breaking up was the right thing ;).

L.A. Daze said...

Wow...he's still bitter after 6 years? That guy has issues. Which you already knew, hence you're not with him :) Smart girl.

Who cares what he thinks? He's not in your life anymore, so his opinion does not count. So if he thinks it's 100% your fault, then he has to live with that, not you!

ana b. said...

Jesus. Honestly. That email blew me away, girl. Who *writes* aggressive emails like that? It's like he couldn't decide between being aggressive, being hurt, being witty, and being friendly so he just went for psycho. Yikes. Keep away from that reply button. Just sayin'. Oh. And of course change your passwords ;)

Shelley said...

hahahah! What a dumbass! The guy has guts though. I had two exes that couldn't let go... one showed up at my place even though his car was not working. Turns out he walked about 10 miles to tell me I couldn't break up with him, like I had 3 times before. Another guy flirted (tried to get me to come over) with me, then a week later got married. Creeps.

I have since figured out how to pick a better guy.

K @ Blog Goggles said...

Holy crapo. I can't believe he wrote back... with that. Douche. Sorry if that offends you. But still. It's a freaking computer virus.

You're way better than me. I stay friends with all of my exes, leading them on that there might be some hope of getting back together just because I'm selfish. Bah.

Adiya said...

Why don't guys move oh??!! 6 years? And he's still writing stuff like that? So i shouldn't even complain about my year old ex that can't move on.

It would be in bad taste to still be friends with your ex. I don't mind the occasional christmas email, but that's it!

Bitsy said...

I cant believe he actually took the time to write that. I am still laughing.

Heff said...

That's why they call 'em EX's. Leave 'em alone.

Brandi said...

I wish I could send all ex's to an island where there are no phone lines are wi-fi that way we could all live in peace and never have to deal with their shit again.

morgan said...

Clearly Mr. Ex has a bit of a self-esteem issue. EFF him, don't respond. EVER. But I did have the same thing happen to my email account. Not only did it send one email but many emails... Try changing your password - seemed to work for me.

WendyB said...

What an asshat. That definitely doesn't warrant a response. Six years ago? Get over it, man! Some things just don't work out.

Lorena said...

OMG....
I've had these spammers jack my computer a couple of times ! I wonder how they do it.
Now, your ex is an idiot, period.
I hope that by NOW you have totally deleted this moron from your address book. Aren't you just so DAMN HAPPY THAT you were the one that got away ?
Oh ex's are breed of their own. I have an ex who is married and has kids, the guy calls me just to say "hi" - what are we 10 ?
Or he calls me to see how I am doing or if I wanted to go to lunch with him.
The monkey I am went out with him AND a friend we have in COMMON for lunch one day- I was broke and he paid.
Then he started calling more and more.... seriously dude get over it, it's kinda late this ship sailed a LONG time ago.

Kimbirdy said...

oh god!!! isn't that just the crap topping on a shit sandwich. i have had something similar happen with an ex though and i finally just came to the conclusion that i really didn't care if one person who i didn't want to have contact with thought i was a bitch. i am surrounded by tons of people who know otherwise. and that was that. good luck!

Jude said...

No! All I can say is, there's a GOOD reason he's an ex!

pearls said...

noooo you can never be friends, eps when they send sad sally emails like this one.. good god man!! I too got hacked its way LAME!!

Char said...

gawd...why can't exes just move along. it is so ridic that i can't deal with it. one recently tried to contact me about the break of a three year relationship and wanted my sympathy.

ugh...i so don't care.

i'm so over manipulation. i would be so cold hearted that i wouldn't care that he thought i'm cold hearted. i totally pulled the "dangerous liasions" with someone (remember that old movie) and kept repeating "i don't care" when an ex berated me.

Char said...

found the quote from DL - "It's beyond my control." which I translated to ... I.Don't.Care

Caroline said...

Oh God... I totally agree with Char. Let that go and move on. Your wounded exlover...WTF? LOL.

Haute World said...

Honestly, I"ve never stayed friends with an ex and I'm not quite sure how people manage to do that (none of my friends are in contact with their exes either). When exes have tried to contact me via email or phone, I've ignored the message/call. I'd probably advise you to delete all numbers and addresses though - it makes things easier ;-)

chloe said...

lol, at least he gave us all a giggle! seriously, i love your stories :) :)

isn't it strange how exes suddenly change to complete psycho losers? and you're like "WTF DID I EVER SEE IN YOU!???" its crazy! ive never managed to stay friends with an ex, there are always issues.. if you really think about it, they are exes for a reason! so i don't even have to tell you to ignore him do i?

SabinePsynopsis said...

You are such a HEARTBREAKER, DG!

Nah, seriously, what an incredibly self-indulgent email. Just IGNORE him, the only sensible thing you can do.

besswess said...

Are you freaking kidding me? He wrote that? Does he have no self respect?
The line "In that Department"...ewww. For real? He really had to bring up sex?

CAPow! said...

I HAVE been in a similar situation, only my ex was the one who sent out the spam, and it ended up going to my mother and sister who requested I email him and ask him to remove them from his address book. Oh joy.

Kitty Stampede said...

Yeah I would ignore him too. What a tard, that email was annoying.
I HATE SPAM SO MUCH!!! Stupid Canadian Prescription site. Damn. What are they doing spamming you guys anyways. Pick on someone your own size, Canada...GOD. ;P

Kathryn said...

Wow, what a manipulative Klingon your ex is. Guilt and pity are not the foundations of a good relationship and that seems to be the premise he is going for.

I have been hacked before and my email hijacked and it sent out spam to everyone I had been in contact with for the past 10 years (including my ex's, my son's grade school - high school teacher, my old bosses and my new one and all my friends and relatives). It was horrible.

I just sent out a generic email to everyone apologizing and telling them what happened, that I had notified my internet carrier and that would be opening up a new account (which I did at Yahoo and only added the people I wanted to keep in contact with now and informed them of my new address). This might be a possible solution.

blueviolet said...

I can't believe he even sent that!

Trixie said...

WOW! When I read what he wrote I figured it was a newly ended relationship!!! That's crazy. Don't write back! Ugh.

I can't believe people thought you were sending the email to viagra. Merry Christmas Uncle Bob! Here's something you might like! LOL

TK Kerouac said...

Both of my X's are on my facebook and always up to crap...
you know what they say though, keep your friends close and enemies closer.

vint junky said...

He REALLY needs to build a bridge and get over it
I think it's near impossible to stay good friends with an ex, it always seems to eff up new relationships ;)

Pretty Little World said...

Wow.

I would totally want to respond with something clever and perfect, but then of course you're right, he'd absolutely take that as a sign to keep on sending you notes...

Kristin said...

Been there! I say ignore it. Guess I'm heartless. HA!

Kristine said...

Ewww. I always get freaked out by creepy blasts from the pasts. Good for you having your manipulation radar on high alert. Keep up the armour!
I'm friends with one of my exes, never thought I'd be one of those, but it helps that neither of us is holding a secret torch for the other.

Catch the Kids said...

You can't be friends with exes. That's why they're exes. And your ex especially so. Stay well away from him.

Fancy! New Zealand Design Blog said...

Don't reply! Ignore and it will go away!
He might just think that your entire email has been taken over by spam robots, so you 'didn't even GET his email'.