Tuesday, December 14, 2010

No Soliciting

no-soliciting


I work in an art gallery, and from time to time artists contact us looking for representation.  Like our website clearly states, WE DO NOT ACCEPT ARTIST SUBMISSIONS.  I feel sorry for those that contact us anyway, but they also annoy the hell out of me, so their emails are deleted, and their telephone inquiries are met with kind, yet swift rejection. It sounds mean, but if you are sympathetic to these folks, they want to talk and talk and TALK about how hard it is to get representation, and then they start in with the begging and the pleading, and/or asking for advice.  The art world isn't fair, but you could say the same about the music business, the fashion industry, Hollywood, etc.  It sucks, but whaddya gonna do. Most artists just sigh at the rejection process, and then don't bother emailing or calling again. But this yutz took it to a whole other level.



Email #1 (or #1B?  I don't have the very first one) (promptly DELETED by yours truly):

Dear Art Agent, Gallery Director, Dealer,

Please accept my apologies if you have already received this email. I’ve only received a couple of replies which has left me wondering if there was something wrong with my email system.

Please find, below, examples of my recent work. I am interested in knowing whether you would like to be my agent, exhibit my art or be my dealer. For a description of my work and life please scroll to the end of this email where you will find a short synopsis.

Yours sincerely

Paul Farber



Email #2 (promptly DELETED by yours truly)

Dear Sirs/Mesdames

I’ve written to you twice and you have shown that you don’t have the simple courtesy nor decency to send me a reply. In any part of the business world one can expect a proper reply except in the art world where directors, dealers and agents see fit to solicit approaches from artists whom they subsequently treat with extreme contempt. This is a world of lazy, unprincipled slugs. I sincerely hope that your business takes a downturn for the worse.

Paul Farber



Email #3 (this one garnered a laugh before being DELETED)

Further to my last email, below, I would like to add the following:

Galleries, dealerships and artists’ agents are businesses which rely on the work of artists for them to make a living. Their soliciting of artists’ work is, therefore, implicit. As such they have a moral duty to respond to artists when they submit their work.

Secondly, these business enterprises produce nothing of any value themselves but simply buy and sell the work of artists which they have produced with their sweat and labour. They are middlemen ...shopkeepers.

Thirdly, many of them are of foreign extraction and treat the artists of this country and the US with contempt. Has the West not been good to them? Have they not made good money within it? Yet they have repaid the people of these countries by acting in a racist and high handed fashion towards their indigenous artists as well as artists of other racial minorities.

The above described people and artistic institutions can properly be described as amounting to sets of profit mongering tapeworms who don’t even have the good business sense to treat their clients with respect.

I am glad that the West is currently suffering a deficit. Artists organisations are not being funded and galleries, dealers and agents are going to be hit in the pocket. Their arrogance and shit are going to be diminished by just so much. The fat, exploitative slugs of owners will wince every time they come across a person of intelligence like me. Their administrative staff and receptionist dorks will read these emails. They will come to understand where they fit, morally and intellectually, in the overall scheme of things. People will lose their jobs and livelihoods. The smell of lots of little people becoming scared will rise in the air and become nauseus to the rest of us.


BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH!  Good luck with your art career, PAUL FARBER. I am sure every gallery and dealer that you wrote to is now DYING to represent you.

P.S. PF, I'll spare you a critique of your art work, but there are reasons nobody responds to your dumb emails.


Share/Bookmark

31 comments:

Kimbirdy said...

oh wow! how narcissistic of that paul farber to be so shocked and appalled that galleries aren't jumping to his side, pleading to represent him. i tried to find him and his art, but was unsuccessful. it is pretty tough out there, especially if you're just getting started. all of art is pretty subjective and it takes a whole lot of networking and luck. too bad for paul, he's burning a lot of bridges. but then again, it gave you a great blog post. :)

Brandi said...

LOL. I think Paul was so busy writing emails that he forgot to take his meds.

Morgan said...

Oh my gosh... so desperate and sad all at the same time! Love that you're calling him out. :)

Christiejolu said...

Wow what a cry baby! LOL!

Shelley said...

Muhahaha! Awesome. What and idiot... any chance he had is now gone. BTW I love that when you have the no soliciting signs no one reads it... they think to themselves "I'm not soliciting, they need my company to help them"... When I used to work in a small office people would call and solicite, then when I called them out they would flat out tell me they were not soliciting and call me some choice name. grrrr.

Gary Heller said...

The mindset of some people can be quite interesting in itself. This is a sort of stalkers mentality.

Now, can you imagine this guy as a photog/artist interested in working with a model?!

Some of my model friends have told me horror stories of photogs approaching them relentlessly telling them how fortunate they are to have his interest and basically "how dare you not give me the time of day".

Some people just take things way too personally. . .

Kelly said...

Do you think Paul was drunk?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

What a horse's ass. Dumb fucker.

Melanie's Randomness said...

Sooo after the 3rd email your supposed to look at his work? Wow he has a large stick up his butt. It clearly says on your site you don't not accept submissions so why is he being ridiciolous? Geez.

At my job there is a sign no solicitors but we continuously get people coming in because its a huge office building to which my supervisor actually once told them to please follow him & then brought them to the sign that said no solicitors. They were never to be seen from again. MWAHAHAHA! =)

Melanie's Randomness

Brooke said...

That was hilarious! Hahahaha. My least-favorite-person-that-I-used-to-have-to-try-to-handle was an "artist". When he stayed at my apartment in Germany (in the midst of telling me everything that was wrong with my life), he sat at MY computer and wrote positive reviews on every site that featured his work. Apparently, he did this quite often from different computers. I really wanted to go back and out his valiant efforts, but meh, not worth the time.

Also, should I not send you pictures of stick figures and what not? I need an agent.

besswess said...

I hope Pauly reads this. What an idiot!

anita @ a dreamer's den said...

when I get home from work i'll have to google the guy.

pearls said...

paul sounds like a real gem.

Haute World said...

If he can't take rejection, then he's living in the wrong world. And what's with the 'foreign extraction' thing... is he serious??? As you said, every industry is tough to get in to. Hell, I even get messages to my blog from people trying to sell me fabrics, scarves and handbags thinking I'm a retailer. People really need to read websites and business proposals more carefully.

blueviolet said...

Paul is not only wasting your time, but his too. What a long-winded bunch of drivel.

bananas. said...

whoa, whoa, WHOA! paul farber is a freaking LUNATIC PSYCHOPATH!!! holy moly!!!

but his letters do provide a good chuckle. i like how he kept referring to you guys as "slugs". WTF?!

btw i'm so glad you posted. you know if you ever left the blog world, i'd probably committ myself or eat myself to death. that's how depressed i'd be.

Kathryn said...

My guess is this is a guy right out of college that has never had a "real" job and is now in mortal fear that he will have to get one.

morgan said...

WOW! This guy must have some giant bulging balls cuz that's what it takes to send inflamatory emails like this. Does he really think this is the way to gainful employment?
Dumbass.

Kitty Stampede said...

That was HILARIOUS!!!!! slugs, I love he uses slugs as insults...Omigawd. That was so funny!!!!

Vivienne said...

Retarded.

Jennifer DeDonato said...

Oh, my what's wrong with people. I am an artist and I only submit to places that want submissions. I can't ever imagine sending those kind of emails!

thelayeredpancake said...

oh man, this was crazy!!
i like how he goes from apologetic, to irritated, to full on mental breakdown.
although most artists are this or even more loony. atleast he hasn't cut of his ear yet.
poor paul farber.

cerebral e said...

I wish I could just delete my annoying referral letters. Or have my "receptionist dorks" do it for me (when I eventually get to the stage where I have a receptionist).

Farah said...

Oh Paul...have some dignity! *sigh* it's tough being rejected but he should have known this is what he is going to be faced with being an artist!

cerebral e said...

Forgot to mention - when I was a kid I thought "No Soliciting" signs referred to prostitutes. I was a weird kid.

mermaid gallery said...

Artists can be really unaware of what business is all about and for some reason feel quite arrogant about their ignorance. Too many are full of themselves. I feel a bit sorry for Paul. He is so far out of his element. I would have been very tempted to tell him to try a crafts fair. That would have made him really crazy.

SabinePsynopsis said...

Bahawaaha... 'Galleries, dealerships and artists’ agents are businesses which rely on the work of artists for them to make a living' - just not yours, Paul!
Maybe he should put more energy into his art and less into ranting.

SabinePsynopsis said...

P.S. He could go into blogging - that would really make him cry!

...love Maegan said...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaah artist submissions. Um I particularly love the last two sentences of this post.

Really, I can't believe you even read that long one all the way through. He should be thankful for that alone. lolol!

Pretty Little World said...

Holy loony toons Batman, that's a whole lot of crazy.

1. I don't think "business" and "moral duty" have ever been used in the same sentence before.

2. Someone might want to explain to him that calling people you're soliciting "lazy, unprincipled, exploitative slugs" is not the best sales tactic.

Chessa! said...

perhaps attacking and insulting the very person you're trying to impress is not the best approach. what a moron. if you can't take rejection then you shouldn't be an artist. period. at least it was entertaining for you and us.