Monday, March 7, 2011

Ineligible Bachelors

Every now and again a fucking freak dude expresses an interest in yours truly. One more horrifying than most came along last week, and here are the highlights from his on-line dating profile:

Age: 26 [Note: He is FOURTEEN YEARS my junior]
Lives: With my parents
Annual income: $15,000 or less
Drinks: More than I should
What do you hate doing?: Following people around while they shop [ok, this made me laugh]
If you were on a deserted island, and you could choose 3 items to take, what would they be?
Methamphetamine
Gatorade
Porno magazines

SCORE!!!!  I can't imagine why he is single!


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51 comments:

tulpen said...

Best Deserted Island list EVER.

Caroline said...

LOL...go meth!!! :/

Holy shit, kinda glad I am not single. Sorry :(

Shelley said...

oh boy! he sounds like a winner!

blueviolet said...

What's the problem? He's a catch.

Claire Kiefer said...

You didn't go on a date with him? Why not? He probably could have taken you on a really sweet date. But you know, you'd have to stay somewhere else, cause you wouldn't want his mom to come into his room without knocking.

;)

But seriously, I can understand gatorade and porn.

Pretty Little World said...

You guys could have your own Katherine Heigl/Seth Rogan type comedy film. I feel like this could be a win/win situation - totally go for it. I mean, he makes almost no money + might have a drug problem. What could go wrong?

Cheryl Ann said...

well, i mean, at least he takes replenishing his electrolytes seriously.

;)

Summer {athena in the middle} said...

love when men live with their parents. its gets me all gooey on the inside.

Raina Cox said...

@Cheryl Ann - Best laugh of the day.

Vivienne @ the V Spot said...

Please tell me you're making that up. Please?

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

meth, gatorade, and porn. at least you know he's the life of the party.

Morgan said...

Oh my gosh! So crazy! I almost want you to meet this loser just to see what he's like. I guarantee he wears his favorite 3 wolves tshirt. :)

Dancing Branflake said...

Urgh. triple urgh. Horrible.

Stephanie said...

Would you ever wonder if he is just a kinda nerdy funny guy who is trying to intrigue you but, unfortunately, really missed the mark? Stranger things happen.

Kimbirdy said...

oh this is so sad! he sounds like just the kind of guy to claim that he's "WINNING!"

hope505 said...

Freekin' hillarious! Hay don't knock the young'uns until you've at least been for a ride! *heehee! Not this one tho! eep!

Kathryn said...

A profile like his would not only make me block his profile, but leave me running and screaming in the opposite direction.

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

haha- total score. Great Monday morning laugh.

Improbable Joe said...

You'd better snatch that guy up before the rest of his teeth fall out!

Marisa said...

I can't believe you passed that gem up! Hahaha sometimes I wonder after they write it all out if they maybe have a reality check like whoa...this is pathetic. Haha.

Trixie said...

HAHAHAHAHHAHAA! Alright, so how was the first date? I mean you went on one, right?
:P

Alisa said...

Yikes!

But now it has me thinking...what would my 3 items be?

Isabel said...

im actually laughing out loud OMG

Jo said...

Hahaha! Is this guy serious?? Yikes!!

SabinePsynopsis said...

Ha ha, I love your excursions into online dating. His answer to What he hates is creepy, too - Does he still go shopping with his mum!?!

There is a good one out for you there, J. I KNOW IT!

besswess said...

Dream come true!

WendyB said...

I'm in love! Too bad I'm married. Darn.

Brandi said...

He seems like a winner, I think you should give him chance :)

mermaid gallery said...

I can't remember being that young....or stupid for that matter....

Gabby said...

I hope hope hope this was his attempt at humor. But...it probably wasn't. lol

Farah said...

LOL

Lorena said...

You have a candidate !
Candidate for a homeless guy in a few years.
On the bright side, he is honest.

Char said...

great - someone that is serious about finding a match...right?

i have to wonder if he put that in there wondering if anyone would respond

bananas. said...

hey i think i know him!!!

bahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

yea that kid's a loser. stay far far away from him.

ps. sorry about your mac :(

bananas. said...

hey i think i know him!!!

bahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

jk that kid's a loser. stay far far away from him.

ps. sorry about your mac :(

katie | hip hip shoe-ray! said...

maybe he has a good heart? or, uh, something?

Anya adores said...

Jees - what a catch. Go girl - as fast as you can (in the opposite direction).
Just came across your blog - Very cool, will be back.
A xx
http://anyaadores.blogspot.com/

Jessica said...

What do you mean he's single? I am shocked! Girls must be beating down his door I mean his parents door.

There's a guy I know who's a meth head who keeps hitting on me. He sends me pics of his penis which I will grant him is big (say 10) but he's totally turned on by the fact that I don't want him even with the big dick. He asked once what do I need it to be 12 inches and have a Cadillac, no my dear just don't be a twitchy meth head loser. Though I will give your Casanova one thing he is honest.

keri said...

Wow.. that has to be a joke, right? I lived in L.A. for many years as a single person and I have to say I don't envy you this.

And the list of what he would take to an island is so telling and scary ... i just wrote a little blurb about something similar on my other blog alwayscurtsywhenyousneeze.com

Why is this culture so friking over sexed? I think it's the easy access of the internet personally.

take it easy, girl. hang in there.

Keri

diane said...

Hahaha, that's a funny resume!

I get hit on at work by the senior citizens. To them, I'm the new 20 something. (I'm 52)

Haute World said...

Hey, you gotta admire his honesty (and the fact he could actually spell out meth in full)! ;-) Strangely, the thing that disturbs me most is that he still lives with his parents.

vint junky said...

But what if he's hot? Ok, kidding!At least he has one good trait, honesty...unless this is actually a lie and he's actually even worse. Is that possible?
x

Phoenix said...

Droll, I can't IMAGINE why you turned this winner away. Still lives with his parents and makes under$15 grand a year?! Sign me the hell up, I want to have his babies!!!

Ick. Boys should worry less about getting together with women and more about trying to become men.

Kristine said...

I did like his dislikes, that is good for a chuckle. Keep the faith!Eventually a non meth-head who lives on his own will come around!

this free bird said...

what in the hell? still lives at home and advertises it proudly. where have all the cowboys gone?

formerlyonlyamovie said...

Wow, he's a keeper.
Just noticed your book list on the sidebar. Cool selection!

the eternal list said...

date me we'll have ten kids and live happily ever after

Jill said...

He's got a great sense of humour!

liz said...

sounds like a dreamboat..porno magazines!!

Heather Taylor said...

Hahaha, what a winner!

Jennifer DeDonato said...

He's a major score...what's wrong with you?