Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Hollywood Park

Hollywood Park Casino

Hollywood Park Casino

Hollywood Park Dr. Seusss Trees

Lately I have been restless and bored and exceedingly angry, so I have been making more of an attempt to get out and DO STUFF -- stuff that might cheer me up.

I took a couple of days off of work last week. A friend and I decided to go over to Hollywood Park to see some horse races. Neither of us had ever been there before, and we were warned by others that we shouldn't expect much. HA!

We headed on down to the hood on a Thursday afternoon. It was a pretty and sunny day, and we didn't have any trouble finding the place.  We quickly located good seats in the shade. Gotta admit that the atmosphere was decidedly WEIRD at the park, as the place was mostly occupied by old folks -- old folks that looked like they didn't have much money and like they might be betting with their social security checks. Weird. Kind of creepy. But whatever.

We sat down determined to figure out how to bet on horses and just CHILL and enjoy the day. My friend went off to place a bet, so I was sitting by myself sipping on a beer when a man walked up to me and started chatting to me. Being of the stupid variety, I engaged in conversation. DURRR!!!! He had all sorts of questions for me, and all sorts of information about how to make bets, about Hollywood Park, about the jockeys, about the horses, about how folks in the crowd were allegedly talking about me and my friend (because we looked so out of place), yada yada. I thought it was all interesting, so I kept talking.

Sooner or later my friend returned and the chit chat continued amongst the three of us as we strategized on making cheap ass bets (minimum bet is 50 cents, which cracked me up because I placed a $10 bet on a horse to win and the bookie thought I was a HIGH ROLLER! ?!?!??!?!?).  Anyway, things slowly but surely started to get weird.  I finally figured out that the guy liked in LIKED me.  He kept staring at me like he wanted to devour me -- like I was a piece of cheesecake or something.  Um, weird.  I am sure you guys have received that look before.  It is generally a tad bit disturbing, particularly if the guy giving you that look looks a lot like FLAVOR FLAV. He also kept giving me compliments. He gave me more compliments in our brief encounter than my last boyfriend gave me in four years. Needless to say he was laying it on pretty thick. SIGH. The best/worst part was when he made his big pitch by saying, "Look. I'm 48 years old. I am in great shape. All my blood tests look good -- I have no diseases. I am 5'5" and 140 lbs, and sugar, I've got ALL YOU NEED.  Trust me." BAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Needless to say, I can't go out with a Flavor Flav type that hangs out at a horse track 3 days a week. I just can't. Call me crazy!

P.S. I took the photos above with my iphone and used Instagram filters to jazz up the shots. I am pretty much crazy for Instagram, (although it constantly CONSTANTLY crashes and/or fails to refresh), but I wish it could be used on my computer, and not just on my iphone.



Dancing Branflake said...

Haha! No. NO! He did not say that. This is hilarious!

Claire Kiefer said...

ALL MY BLOOD TESTS ARE GOOD!!!! That is the most incredible opening line I've ever heard. I'd imagine that his blood tests are good cause his game ain't workin and he's relatively . . . low-risk, if you know what I mean. 5'5" and 140 lbs! Bless his tiny heart!

Cheryl Ann said...

sugar, I've got ALL YOU NEED.
BAHAHAHAHA!!! i *hope* someday i get hit on like that ;)

cool photos!


Oh, girl..!

You need more friends.

Hollywood park happens on a Friday night, in the Club House = upper deck. That's where you'll find what's left of the old Hollywood gamblers, and you and all ten of your friends, bet and hoot and holler, and order off a proper menu, from a proper waiter, dap the corners of your drooling with a cloth napkin, and order another round when the Boogle boy blows his horn in your now deaf Birthday ears, so sponsor a race...WIN...and get called down to have your photo taken with the horse and the Jockey. After that, the real circa 1980's bands come out on stage. That's how to play Hollywood Park.

Or, you could keep your trio, and show up on a lonely Thursday reap the real sins of Bingo.

Cheers!... do it again, before it goes away. Maegan said...

bahahahaha you were a piece of cheesecake or something ahahahhahaha love that. And I love your photos ...they're fantabulous! I also love that he came right out and told you he has no diseases. What!?!?!? lol Like that was gonna seal the deal for you. ahahahah

Summer Athena said...

i usually prefer a man with one disease. yup. that is how i roll.

but seriously, this was some funny shit. and i want more so stop being bored and angry and GO OUT to get more stuff to share.


Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

no disease- that is winner-
I am pretty much obsessed with Instagram too.

Lara said...

This story was so good! I think it's great that you guys continued to hang out and make bets together! I'll talk to just about anyone too and yes, if you're friendly, they take it the wrong way every time. Can blame em for trying. No harm, no foul.

Love the pics.

Yes I Blog said...

Did he have the clock and the gold teeth????

OH My Soul!!! Well, if nothing else it made a bad week better because of the humor involved! :-)

Hope things look up this week! Those pics are AWESOME btw!

kimbirdy said...

haha! what? no flavor flav for you?! that's too bad. i mean he had good blood tests and all you need! well, i guess you'll just have to find a way to live with yourself for passing up "the one." however will you cope?

hollywood is full of weirdos!

blueviolet said...

Ewwwwww. That's just nasty. He really does sound like a creeper, but I still think it's kinda cool that you went to the races.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

well if times get tough and you're ever feeling down on yourself, you always have flavor flav to lighten the mood.

ps: boyfriend and i have been talking about going to the races one day. neither of us have been before and i only hope our experience will be as good as yours. also, if i happen to see a female who's not a senior citizen, i will assume it's you.

Shorty said...

Your pics look awesome! I haven't tried instagram, but you're the second person who's mentioned it to me. Might have to give it a whirl.

this free bird said...

this could only be worse if he had a big ass clock hanging around his neck - except for you could have whacked him with it.

what theee hell?


Cheryl said...

It's always the ones you don't want (well, unless you go to Argentina and maybe Spain and Italy too) who say things like hat to you!!!

SabinePsynopsis said...

There's a future waiting for you, J. Cheap betting with the impoverished seniors...
The Instagramm treatment looks good. Gotta try this out!

Felicia said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That story is CLASSIC! I've been getting out and doing things more too. I wish I had more people to hang with here though, everyone is always so busy and it pisses me off! By the way, I'm totally going to Etsy right now to buy your SHUT UP print!! I love it!!!

Lorena said...

I liked the pictures but liked the story even more !
Baaaaaaaa hahahahahahaha seriously, does anyone fall like that ? "I have no diseases" is that like a pick up line I was not aware of?
This incident reminded me of an awful thing that happened to me that I decided not to post about, however I will share the "joy" with you.
I have a neighbor who I always run into and we usually chit chat - nothing of substance.
One day in the elevator we end up talking about how the property tax law was changed and how now we were going to have to pay 4 times what we already pay. As the law is not clear he told me that his lawyers were looking into it and so on.
So he tells me that when he has news he'll let me know - which I had nothing against.
So he gets my cel phone from the building administrator and calls me up to tell me that he spoke to his lawyer and that he has news. Tells me to come by his apartment, so I tell him I'd go by on Saturday.
I show up on a Saturday after doing some errands.
The 40+ year old guy gives me a tour of his apartment - which is not unusual - almost 80% of the apartments have been remodeled and people usually show you what they have done with the space.
So, we check out the apartment which is GORGEOUS.
He turned a 160 square meter apartment into a one bedroom- so it's huge and it's all filled with antiques. So I am complimenting his good taste all through the tour and asking him about where he got certain pieces and so on....
So he offers me Sprite, I take it and after I drink from the can, the guy takes the can and slobs all over it.
So, i think "ok, he's italian so maybe his sanitary standards are lower than mine".
Then he begins to ask me if I am married, for how long and what could have happened if we met before I was married. SO then he goes on to ask if my husband is jealous type, if he can make me pasta and have me for dinner and that I should not lose any weight.
Then he gave me the slobbery bulldog look which was really intimidating. I am guessing it was his version of your guy's "Cheesecake" look.
I got the message right there and quickly started looking for a way out.
So I begin saying that sure we could have dinner with my husband but that I had to go.
So he tells me that he can give me a table that I liked and I tell him that sure, thanks..
So as I am going to say bye the guy hugs me like chest to chest and I was like that "PEPE LE PEW" skunk cartoon. It was awful.
They guy called a few times and I always took the call but cut him short. Then I ran into him a few times at the elevator and just politely said hello.
I know he left for Italy and I am kind of terrified that when he comes back I might run into him again.
Ok, this got long.

Hanako66 said...


Isabel said...

that guy sounds like a total winner, how could u turn him down?? LOL

Shelley said...

well he is ballsy I can give him that. I cashier alot where I work... and I try and be friendly because most of the people I work with are not... so I get the cheesecake look more often then I would like. Almost always from men 4x my age :(

Kitty Stampede said...

OH LAWDY!!! that is hilarious. especially the fact he looked like FLAV!!! What a visual and hilarious story. I always get into conversations like that with older folk. Sometimes it can get out of hand. lol

LOVE the instagram effect and those shots are incredible, I especially adore the last one. damn, you are good woman!

Sixpence and A Blue Moon said...

OH...MY...GOODNESS!!! I bet he carries those blood test results in his wallet.:)There are some strange people walking this earth. Those pictures are just fabulous! I love them!

Happy end of the week.


Marisa said...

maybe YOU can't go out with him....okay JK do not send him my way! I haven't been to the horse track in years, but from your description it seems like it hasn't changed much!

heather said...

oh man, this is hilarious!!! i like how he calls you sugar after announcing his mini-height.

Gabby said...

What an could you resist that?? :) Love your photos. Hating that I have an old Blackberry with no Instagram!

Char said...

lordy....that's his best sales pitch? LOL seems like at that age he would have had time to sharpen up his game a bit.

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

LOL Flava flav, seriously how did you resist?

Loving Instagram!

Chic 'n Cheap Living

Stacy Conner said...

Will you and Flava be having your wedding at Hollywood Park? Because I love drinking Miller Lite at weddings and gambling. That would be awesome!

Totally hear you about instagram. I'm an addict, I should be able to get it everywhere.

libbeh said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! This story is HILARIOUS! I totally know what you're talking about because I went to Hollywood Park a few years ago w/ my BF to play poker, and I got hit on by creepy old men who could have passed for my grandfather in front of my BF. Gawd.. all the LA casinos have that crowd you saw at HP... and then some. I gave up playing poker at the casinos, even though it was very fun to hustle those chumps that thought females can't play poker. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kristine said...

Too funny and sad at the same time. I have to say it is a pretty original pick up line.Hope you are feeling better and the boredom is being replaced by being grossed out.