Wednesday, May 18, 2011

On-Line Dating Disaster #498

I received this message after two brief emails and some im-ing the other day with a guy that was kind of cute. Christ. It is all hopeless.


All of my life I've been waiting to find a woman that i can talk about everything with,I am not religious but i believe there is God and i have fear for him and respect for human.
Down on my knees I prayed that you'll never say you're leaving.

with your outspokenness and sense of humor gave me hope of my life being complete, this makes me feel so good.
you brought the light in my eyes,to see a woman like you again once in a life time
you put caresses in my soul,for knowing a lil about you, wondering how wonderful it will be with you in person.you sprinkle joys in my heart for meeting you.

i want to be there for you as i want you same with you too,i want to give a love so pure and free will be giving it unselfishly,not asking for security.
Now honey, for you, I swear with all my heart I really care
that my love is forever true till the end of time,
I'm in love with you and wish to work it out with you


LUNATIC.  Fucking lunatic.


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44 comments:

Felicia said...

OHMYGOD!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You really have been picking the winners lately jeez! HAHAHAHAHA!!

Katie said...

You LIL joy sprinkler you!

Trixie said...

The lil part and the caress part drove me fucking nuts. Ruuuun

Kaz said...

Oh holy fuck!
This is why I've given up on online dating sites
Things like this, and being asked if I'm shaved or not!!!
Fuckers

Caroline said...

OMG...I think you better move too. Holy shit I would freak out!!!

The Cherry Blog said...

wow i mean - wow. I tried online dating a while ago and can completely, utterly relate. put them all in a freak circus and send them on their crazy little way xxxx

Lorena said...

"You sprinkle joys in my heart for meeting you"
was my very favorite. I think that you should change the name of your blog to the "JOY SPRINKLER".
BAaaaaa get this dude some help ! and change your phone number.
Have you thought about Russian on line dating services?

Raina Cox said...

"you sprinkle joys in my heart" - I'm so needlepointing that on a pillow.

Lara said...

"you put caresses in my soul"

No seriously, YOU put caresses in my soul. This is so hilarious!

Kathryn said...

All that is missing is wanting to "taste the rainbow".

Wow, sounds like you need to ask him if he is on (or off) any medications that you should know about.

Nothing creepier than some dude you have never met in person say he is in love and pray you will never leaving.

Regina said...

BWAHAHAHA!!!

Run. Run far away.

Did you know you were capable of sprinkling joys in the hearts of others? :)

Marian said...

Oh really...sounds like a keeper to me;)

bananas. said...

what the?!?!!!

was that supposed to be a song? did he write you a fucking song?? and what does this mean..."as i want you same with you too"? HUH?!

holy fucking shit man...you attract some weirdos! it's the online dating, i tell ya! LOL!

oh boy...

kimbirdy said...

WOAH. that is scary. seems like the sort of situation where you'd wake up after your first date missing a kidney.

Claire Kiefer said...

I'm confused: were the first two emails normal? And the IMs? Like he sounded like a regular dude and then all the sudden this comes out?

Also: did you respond?

Annabelle said...

Fuck. I'm terrified.

I feel like {I} need to change me email address now.

Marisa said...

his grammar and sentence structure makes me think he is a scammer from Nigeria...you didn't wire him any money did you???

Heidi said...

Yeah, I was about to say the same thing as Marisa. Ask him to take a photo of himself standing on one foot with a loaf of bread on his head. (I hope you're familiar with 419eater.com)

Fragrant Liar said...

I think we know why this guy's single. Write him back and make him promise he'll never procreate.

Farah said...

Ermmmm.....ooooookayy...lol!!

Jessica ( frellathon ) said...

Holy mother of good. This is why he is single and sadly the reason we are single because single is better than Mr. Freakshow.

This seams very spam message like as well. Not sure what the hell he was thinking.

Still better than the guy who sent me pics of his kibbles and bits tied up in knots. That and one picture using a can of non stick cooking spray for size reference.

I swear we should ban men from this planet all together.

Fashion, Art and other fancies said...

LOL - English is definitely not his mother tongue - lol. Is this a love letter of sorts? I'm actually falling from my chair - lol.

ANDWHATELSEISTHERE said...

oooook this is freaky.

ANDWHATELSEISTHERE

SHOP

blueviolet said...

I hope you're using an alternate email for these loonybirds!

girlunwinding said...

You sprinkle joy in my heart, droll girl, but I will take care of my own caresses ;-P

Never a dull moment with you, is there?
~Dawn

Kristine said...

Lord have mercy. The sprinkling joy and caresses to the soul freaked me out, but I was really creeped out by him calling you honey. Bet that tiny freak from the racetrack is looking really smooth now, isn't he?

mermaid gallery said...

runnnnnnn ....he is what Marilyn Keyes calls a feathery stroker....disgusting for sure!

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

Dang...all of that after a few emails?!?

What will happen if you give up the "good good" to him?

I think you should do it, and then tell us about it!

My bet is he will dedicate a Journey song to you at a karaoke bar! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Seeker said...

Hilarious....!!!

Long time no talk, my dear, so I hope all is great with you!

Keep safe, love
xoxo

hope505 said...

...uh...
~whoa. ~
hey are you sure he's not just Japanese? *haha! That sounds SUPER-SUPER-KAWAII like sstraight out of an anime film, yo.


how. freekn'. odd.

Haute World said...

He lost me at 'there is God'. I bet some women fall for this schmooze though. Seriously girl, you deserve so much better than most of these online dating psychos. I have a few friends who met their soulmate online, but honestly, I think there's just too much crap to weed out on the internet, which you would instantly be able to tell if you met someone in person.

Alisa said...

But he loves you! Really and truly!

Morgan said...

Stay far far away from this nutjob!! ACK!

Mrs. Pickle said...

Pretty much what I got from this wacky letter that this loser wrote you was that he fucks baby kittens. I know it did not say that but one can only assume.

picklesinmyass.blogspot.com

Phoenix said...

I actually got a lovely image of you with those fairy wings that you can buy from Halloween stores, sprinkling joy across his dead body.

That image brought a smile to my face, thank you. This guy is a freak.

Jill said...

Seriously?! You didn't feel any reciprocal sprinkles of joy????

Thank god I'm married.

Char said...

and people wonder why i've sworn off men, relationships and the whole damn thing. i'm better off alne.

heather said...

HIL.AR.I.OUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like how your caress his soul and he gets to know a "lil" about you. i wonder how you do that!

i do have a friend who is still seeing a internet date about two years later.

heather said...

lol, change the name of your blog to joy sprinkler. that would also be pretty funny!

Pretty Little World said...

If there were a gaping mouth icon that I could paste into my comment, I would.

Even if someone I had been with for 10 years sent this to me, my eyes would bulge out, and I would be like, "WTF is the matter with you?"

So sorry about the crazies!!

Lynn said...

RUN!!!!

Sister Wolf said...

Is he a mail-order bride? I used to receive similar overtures on myspace. One guy from Morocco or somewhere wrote to me, ominously: "How long the neck?"

I replied to him with the lyrics of "Cream" by Prince.

Hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha! xo

Down and Out Chic said...

OMG. A lunatic with terrible grammar. There's nothing worse.

Kitty Stampede said...

OMIGAWD! Wow. that is INSANITY! wow.
to give you some hope my sis in law has actually met a really cool guy on an online dating site. He is hilarious and so far awesome. You gotta find a hilarious dude that likes great tunes. tunes and hilarity= MUCHO Important.