Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Boss

Ed Ruscha, Securing the Last Letter, 1964, Oil on canvas, 59 x 55 inches
Ed Ruscha, Securing the Last Letter, 1964, oil on canvas, 59" x 55"


We all have a crazy boss story or ten, right?  I think I have shared many of mine here before, but I am too lazy to go scrounging around for links to plunk into this post.   

Years ago I worked for a woman that turned out to be an embezzler.  After I figured out what that twat was up to, I had to gather evidence on the sly of her dumb thieving ass.  It was nerve-wracking.  I felt like Tom Cruise (never thought I'd say THAT) in The Firm when he was sneakily making copies of evidence against his evil employer.  After my loser boss finally got canned, I worried that she would quickly blame me for it all, and that she would run me down in a dark alley with her dumb white Miata.  Thankfully she high-tailed it out of town so that I did not have to worry about her too much.

One of the best/worst boss stories I have ever heard comes from my Dad.  He worked in construction for years and years.  He worked for some Italian dudes that were tough.  Very tough.  One year was particularly difficult for their company.  The economy was in the toilet.  Bids for jobs were cutthroat, and they ended up losing money on many jobs.  This was especially painful for the boss, as he was accustomed to having good years and raking in the cash.  The boss was just furious that they were having a bad year.  He didn't think HE was doing anything wrong, so he blamed the employees for the crap year.  So at the end of the year when paychecks were generated right before Christmas, the bookkeeper had the annual end-of-the-year memo printed on each paycheck that read: "Merry Christmas!"  When the boss sat down to sign the paychecks, he was enraged by this message of good cheer.  He sat down with a black felt-tip pen and crossed out that message on every single paycheck.  When my Dad got a look at his paycheck with the black scrawled out holiday message, he lost it and marched in to the boss' office to tell him what a jerk he was. 

[Side note: In SOME ways my Dad and I are cut from the same cloth.  In some ways.]

And your best boss story?????  Feel free to spill it in the comments section, as you guys are infinitely more entertaining than me!


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28 comments:

kimbirdy said...

geez, what a nightmare. i can't believe he was evil enough to cross off a holiday greeting! good for your dad. people like that need to be stood up to. my horror stories are thankfully not that bad. usually my bad bosses were just bad communicators and disorganized. i had one asshole boss who yelled at me for no reason, but one of the other managers quickly came to my aid. i also had a boss who was a crazy, out-of-touch workaholic. she was an attorney {maybe i shouldn't have been surprised}, and expected me to magically invent mail couriers who could bike faster or plane rides to cities which didn't exist. sorry lady, the world doesn't work that way.

Morgan said...

Love your dad's boss story! I've either had really lame bosses my whole life or am very forgetful! I can't believe I don't have a good story!

Raina Cox said...

From the other side of the desk - I owned two high-end boutiques for ten years and employed some brain dead dilettante housewives.

One went on vacation during a week she was scheduled to work. I called her cell and she said,"Oh yeah, I won't be in to work this week." Another went to an out-of-town wedding over a weekend and enjoyed it so much she called to ask if she could have the next week off to extend her holiday.

And don't get me started on employee theft...

WendyB said...

Mine: http://wendybrandes.com/blog/2009/08/confession-i-worked-for-birther-lou-dobbs/

Summer Athena said...

ha! so he wasted his time marking out all those merrys and happys. what a dBAG!

Dancing Branflake said...

No way! Those stories totally blow mine out of the water. I've actually been really fortunate to have sane bosses. Although, I actually worked for a doctor who never washed his hands after going to the bathroom.

this free bird said...

a.. you watch sister wives? omg can we please discuss the sheer terror that show brings out in me?? that guy is a sick whack-a-doodle.
b. boss? how about my former alcoholic one who got a dui while on his way to drop off my pay check? I actually really liked him though.
c. how about the nutbag i worked for at gap who threw her walkie talkie at me narrowly missing my head and when i didn't pitch a fit after she screamed her head off at me for, essentially, her own miserable home life--told me that i reminded her of a battered woman. when i asked her wtf she was talking about she said because i never yelled back at her (don't engage an idiot methinks) i acted like a battered woman. the irony in all of it? i had been coming to work for months totally bruised up and the moron didn't even realize i was getting hit at home. she couldn't open her eyes to see the choke marks on my neck, but b/c i didn't yell back at her when she felt like brawling...OMG don't even get me going. to this day i've longed to run into her and give her what for.

i've got another even bigger whopper of a moron boss if you want that tale, but will let someone else go seeing as i've written a novel.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

WOW your dad's former boss sounds INSANE!! Who does that?!? That guy was like the real-life Grinch or something. Lol. And what a childish thing to do! Like an angry six-year-old or something. Sheesh. :S

Well, I'm not sure I can top that right now. Fortunately, I have never had a crazy mean boss. But my last boss at the newspaper was definitely an oddball. He had just gotten on facebook and was OBSESSED with it. It finally got so bad that instead of doing his job, he was spending all day on facebook. It was all he could talk about! Ironically, the rest of us all got laid off and he's still there...hanging out on facebook instead of doing his job. Sigh.

liz said...

an old boss once tried to cut my salary while at the same time, giving me more hours...all while telling me that clearly people worked for her because they loved her and wanted her to succeed and didn't i want her to succeed? (I'm assuming this was to confuse me and guilt me into accepting the salary cut) Of course, as I was the manager, she forgot I handled the money, so I just continued paying myself the same amount, and/or more, and she never noticed. Because she was stupid, and delusional. and a bitch. oh and i didn't have bathroom breaks.

blueviolet said...

I just can't believe he did that. What a complete moron.

Lorena said...

Well, let me see.
I have had about 10 jobs in my lifetime (including the summer jobs) and I have been blessed enough not to have assholes as bosses.
SO, I am sorry to disappoint you.

Jen said...

Warning: NON-PC words will be used in this story. There are more stories like this but this one kinda takes the cake.

When I was just a wee pup ( my 20's) I worked in the film industry. For about 4 years I worked for this one pretty big (more so in his mind) producer. He had anger issues and was rude to everyone. He especially hated agents and was particularly surly during "negotiation" time. There was one actress who he HAD to have on this one project and when her deal memo came through with all the things she "needed" in her trailer? OH man did he flip the fuck OUT!! He ran around the office for the next week yelling "JEEEEEN!!! Get that fucking cunt on the phone now!" "JEN!! Did that cunt's fax come through?" "Jen!! If that cunt calls me, patch to my mobile!"

Needless to say the C word became pretty par for the course in my world and I never really raised an eyebrow to it ever again. Oh and the office was pretty much all girls. Nobody sued in those days so we all just drank a lot at happy hours.

Phoenix said...

Damn, your dad's boss was a piece of work. What an ass.

I worked at a CPA a few years ago and often delivered important documents for clients to sign at their businesses if they weren't too far away from our company. I went to a client's wearing slacks, beat up shoes, and a button down shirt, and found myself gently interrupting a meeting filled with all men, about 12 of them. One of them took a good look at me and said, "Why don't you come here and sit on my lap while I sign those documents?"

When I told my boss, she(!) told me I needed to watch what I wore more carefully. I was wearing KHAKI'S AND A SHIRT. (But even if I was wearing a freakin' bikini, no girl deserves to get harassed at work.)

I quit a few weeks later. Wheeee!

Isabel said...

ahaha. ive never had a terrible boss. i should go knock on wood.

Kristine said...

Thank goodness I have worked for myself for a long time, so I don't have too many bad boss stories, although i have a lot of crazy nutbar client stories.

bananas. said...

jeez i think i've had it easy 'cause i have zero juicy boss stories for you. i've almost always liked my bosses...

hmmm...when i worked for best buy one of the managers (not my boss) wanted to marry me. i was like 17...he was 30. all bad.

another one at best buy was my supervisor...he was this little mexican named jose who everybody loved. turned out he was a child molester and had to leave the country. sick.

Señorita said...

Off the top of my head, I can not think of any story to share. But, I could not believe the story that you shared about your boss.. That must have been crazy!!

http://ladyonaroof.blogspot.com/

十十f十 said...

you sure have two very interesting stories here alone. mine, if any, does not boast of such form of 'scandal'. i was once made use of as a decoy of some sort. not even sure that's the term to use. long story short: there was some love triangle (or maybe there're 2!) going on among a few MEN. one of them (the smaller boss) sent flowers to me, in the hope of making his potential lover jealous. should i be flattered or what?

ana b. said...

What an asshole. I don't know what it is that makes some bosses such assholes. I can't think of a bad boss story right now. I think I'm lucky. My current boss is rotund, wears navy anoraks, looks like a public schoolboy, used to be a mormon, hates soft rock, and swears like a sailor. He's pretty awesome. And has very red cheeks.

Audrey Allure said...

Wow, what a bitter boss your dad had! I don't have a particular boss story - I'm lucky to have such great bosses in the past who I've gotten along with. Although, I once had a really anal one - who wanted everyone to constantly clean during store hours even though it was spotless & the displays were absolutely perfect. She would make us take it all down & put it all back up, even though it looked exactly the same before & after.

Lara said...

I worked as a line cook in a swanky steakhouse for about 8 months and the owner was a tax-evading drunk coke-head who was constantly coming in the kitchen with VA congressmen demanding special things for them. He'd pin me in corners, get in my face and try to flirt. It was ridiculous.
He ended up losing everything, a new owner came in and fired everyone and I lost out on about $600 that I will never see.

Down and Out Chic said...

embezzler and the grinch? ugh.

Kitty Stampede said...

I've had a mass amount of bad bosses. One that would turn tomato red and throw water bottles at us, one that bad mouthed EVERY single employee behind their back not realizing that we were all friends and talked about it..we all quit the same day eventually and left her high and dry...She totally deserved it, passive aggressive hardcore bitch to the extreme. A boss that would leave post it note reminders EVERYWHERE telling us every single little mundane thing we had to do in a day, as if we were retarded. I could go on and on but I 'm hot and tired...I've had quite a few weirdos.

pearls said...

as always you crack me up.... i've had some real doozy's for bosses. guess we all have. sooo need to be self employed sooner than later.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I had a boss who asked me to clean out his desk and go through his
e-mails if he ever died (he was pretty young, but he traveled a lot), so that his wife wouldn't find out about his fucking around. I would have done it. I'm loyal like that, if I like a person. He was very good to me.

formerlyonlyamovie said...

My old boss was having an affair with one of my assistants. When I called him on it, he involuntarily transferred me to another position (possibly hoping I would quit). Turned out, I love(d) the job. His girlfriend was transferred to a different building soon after that. And then he moved on... They are still together.

Heather Taylor said...

Oh god, the stories of my old terrible bosses will severely haunt me for years. Basically the time I got screamed to not say one more word to anyone period in my department or else I could see myself out of the door and the whole "zero talking" rule employed by my former employers was horrific. Still cannot believe I made it 9 months working there...

Jackie Welling said...

I had a manager have a nervous breakdown at work- she came in wearing the same clothes that she wore yesterday and was hyper and acted like she was high on Red Bull, but then she took us aside individually to tell us how we were going to get fired if we didn't sell better and made one girl cry. Then she left that store and started hair school (she was 36). It was pretty entertaining :)