Thursday, June 30, 2011

Just Shoot Me

A really cute gent that I was just starting to get to know sent me a freaking poem. Er, HTF am I supposed to respond to this?!?!?!??!


You entered today, a world of mine with such stealth I hardly noticed.
Your arrival wasn't heralded by trumpets, nor crowds... only
A soft breeze against my leg as you passed, like a kiss on the wind.
You entered today, a world of mine and I am glad
Yesterday I was only me, struggling for what I didn't know.
Today...today I am one of the two things meant to be.
One of the two things meant to happen and share.
Today I have you.
You are a flower in springtime, opening to the rain..
A burst of color across a once barren landscape.
A dream, only noticed on the lonely hilltops has become
A breath of new.
And the newness is you


BARF BARF BARF! I am not a poetry kind of gal!  I find poetry EXHAUSTING. Pointless! I tune out as soon as I see a poem.  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Just say what you mean and don't try to get all flowery and shit. See how sophisticated I am?!?! So now I am trying to find a way to respond to this damn dude and this damn poem, and EXTRICATE myself out of this situation.

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42 comments:

Katie said...

Paha that's hilarious because I totally read one word of the poem and was like blehhhhh and read what you wrote.

Morgan said...

So freaking funny... although he MUST be a sweet guy if he did this right? Or does he just have too much time on his hands? Yeesh. Tough call on what to do now!

Stacy Conner said...

RUN!!!! Who are these guys? Why do they think that you're a Victorian woman who not only swoons at poetry, but demands it on a weekly basis? Do you live in an Oscar Wilde play? Time to party like its 2011 this weekend!

Shelley said...

Well... the good news is... I googled it and it comes up. so he stole it from somewhere? is he trying to scare you off? I would pretend you love it and see what happens... or ignore it and see if he notices.

Marian said...

Dying!This is the stuff movies are made from:)

PS- So...I guess I shouldn't send you the poem I wrote you then, huh.

Trixie said...

Me too! LOL! I couldn't even read the whole poem and as soon as you said POEM I rolled my eyes! So sorry. Maybe give him another chance because it's possible some imbecile told him all girls love poetry because it's romantic and to give it a shot. I mean if he's awesome in other ways. That's what I'd do. I'd probably also mention I don't like poems at all! LOL

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

I swear to GOD we will meet before I die! Hilarious!

Regina said...

eewww, poems give me the skeevs (as do guys who write them). Run! Run now!

morgan said...

Holy hell, I just nearly choked on my coffee! I can always count on you for an entertaining dating story, this being no exception. I would say if you like him other than his poor taste in stolen poems, say thank you and then never bring it up again. Give it a week and see where it goes. Otherwise, avoid his calls at all costs!

Cheryl Ann said...

but you're the soft breeze against his leg!!! you can't shut him down!!

BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! this just made my day ;)

kimbirdy said...

oh no! haha. well, maybe he's just doing what he thinks the ladies like? if you like him in other ways maybe you just have to be up front: "i'm starting to become interested in you but never ever send me a f*&@ing poem again."

Haute World said...

LOL. This is too bad! I'm sure he read somewhere that chicks really dig poetry and that it's the best way to get a girl into bed. I think the only poetry a man can get away with is a short witty haiku or a limerick. This poem doesn't even make sense... what is 'stealth I hardly noticed'?? What is a 'dream only noticed on the lonely hilltops'??? Gag.

If you like the guy, ask him WTF he was thinking about sending a lame poem to you. If you don't really like the guy (or think the poetry thing might be something he actually does a lot), tell him you're looking for someone a little more masculine...

bananas. said...

holy shitfuckballs that is creepy with an extra side of cheese! ha! only you find guys that write fucking poetry...WTF! lol.

please let us know how you get yourself out of that situation.

chloe said...

but you ARE a flower in springtime!..

Hanako66 said...

omg

i have no words of wisdom for this particular pickle

Liz said...

HAHAHA oh jesus.

If you JUST started talking, can you say stage 5 clinger creeper?

run.

Annabelle said...

OMG...You're not going to break up with him are you?!?

I just saw him, after class by the lockers, and he said that he like, loves you and that he's going to bring you a rose -with baby's breath (squeel)- to you at lunch today, so everybody can see that its MTB (meant to be). I bet the whole cafeteria will like clap and cheer. Its going to be sooooo romantic!!

You are sooooo lucky!!!

; p

Martina Rosenberg said...

You can really read which cramps his brain had whilst he arranged the words to put tons of meaning to them... Yuck.
Why not answer him kind of this (please excuse the perhaps not correct use of words - I am only native speaker of German): "
You wrote me today a world of words filled with such boredom I hardly noticed.
Your poem wasn't heralded by trumpets, nor crowds... only
A soft breeze against my leg as I threw the sheet into the garbage..
You bugged me today ,that world of mine and I am not glad
Yesterday I was only me and that was good..
Today...today I am one who thinks how to get rid of you..
One of the two things meant to happen and share.
Today I don’t want you.
You are a flower in springtime rotting in the rain..
A burst of words across a once barren sheet of paper..
A nightmare, only noticed on the lonely hilltops has become
A sickness.
And the sickness is you"
**************
Oh, that was really nasty....
kind regards, Martina

Jen said...

Deal breaker? No room for negotiation? How cute is he? I need more information before I can fully assess the situation. This could be a great love and years from now, on your wedding anniversary you'll tell the story how he totally grossed you out with his lame poetry.

Lara said...

Poetry from a man creeps me the hell out. I totally agree with you.

I was casually seeing this nice guy, finally went to his place, he takes me into his bedroom and he has strips of paper with lines of poetry written on them, stuck to his walls with candle wax! NUT JOB!

I was done.

Improbable Joe said...

I don't know... I don't think it is poetry itself that fails, it is matching the poetry to the person. In this instance... *clears throat*

'I want to take a screwdriver
Mutilate my face
Find a beautiful woman
Make her love me for what I am
Then say I don't need it and walk away'

-Henry Rollins

Mandy_Fish said...

A plagiarizer is way creepier than a poet.

Farah said...

Hmmm...interesting...LOL ;)

Lorena said...

You have got to be kidding.
It's like you have a moron magnet.
I like poetry but only in Spanish and if it means something and ITS REALLY SHORT. AND if it's from someone who died. It's creepy someone writing poetry for you, it's like mast...

Dancing Branflake said...

I usually read your posts, but I couldn't even bring myself to read past the second line. Sorry. Of all things you've ever posted, this was the most uncomfortable.
ps... I think you should respond with a limerick saying that you've moved on.

hope505 said...

Hey now...Jim Morrison was a Poet.

Then again, this dude ain't Jim Morrison, huh.

Just be like, "oh I'm sorry, I didn't get a chance to read it." and he'll get it after about the 12th "poem" you "didn't get a chance" to read ~ & by that time will have figured out y'all are not a match made in heaven. *HAA see? then you still maintain your sweet facade without shredding the poor dude's wimpy poet heart...

Kitty Stampede said...

DEAL BREAKER!!!! seriously how cheese can ya get. I think a poem would be cute from a guy if it was just a funny, silly little thing that didn't take itself seriously at all...but this is just lame-wad to the extremes!!!! Only YOU would have a poem like this given to you after not knowing someone for that long. you are too DAMN endearing, Woman!!

Carey Brown Strombotne said...

i'm kinda late to this party, but i also googled this poem and check this out...
it's on some escort service website listed under THINGS THAT KILL A LOVING RELATIONSHIP!!!
http://www.lovesourceonline.com/relationship-tips-things-that-kill-a-relationship2

this guy is a real tool!!!

love jenny xoxo said...

wow... I think men must get their romance tips from movies or something... they are so clueless! How did he give this to you?!?

XOXO

Clare said...

A man I met 23 years ago started writing me poems. Not very good ones either. I gave him a very cool reception when he sent them to me. He got the hint and I haven't had a poem off my husband of 20 years since. You say he is cute. I say give him a chance. Tell him up front that you are not a poem kind of gal. If he stops the poems but sticks around you never know

Isabel said...

i just puked a little in my mouth. im not a poetry girl either!!

ana b. said...

I'm sorry this is kind of sweet in a creepy too-much-too-fast way but I nearly lost it when he called you a "soft breeze against my leg". Is that a fart? Hahahaha sorry I cannot concentrate.

And the newness is you.

Katy Mary said...

oh my oh my. I couldn't even read the poem, I just don't dig poetry. Good luck with this one!

Alicia said...

yikes....i'm not into the poetry either...music maybe...but not just a poem. good luck prying this one off of you! ha!

cerebral e said...

why, why, why?

Ace said...

He is definitely misguided. I think the real test is to see his reaction after you honestly tell him that poetry is not your thing. If he gets real and says you are right, that sending you that poem was LAME, and now he sees the error of his ways on so many levels, then maybe just maybe he is a keeper.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

GAG. Flattering but GAG.

SabinePsynopsis said...

Ooohhh, the first line already had me in tears (of pain, of laughter... don't know). Poor guy.
I hate poetry, too. Ok, not hate, it's just so bloody boring and I never understand it.

itsCatherine said...

i say fight fire with fire.

well roses are reddish
and violets are kind of blue
and poetry is awkward and pretentious and unfortunately so are you.

Kristine said...

Ugh, I had to go away and come back again.So my question: is he cute enough to maybe just look at this like a momentary lapse of judgement? Maybe he is just over eager and misguided but redeemable? Keep us posted and good luck!

Gabbi said...

awww... 'pobodies nerfic'?? :)

Jill said...

How did you manage this one? I'm at a loss for words, especially flowery ones. I'm confused about the "soft breeze against my leg".