These are my nieces, Jade and Kira. And these are some of the things they said in 2011 (my sister, their mother, sent me a hilarious list of their best quotes in 2011):
Jade (7 years old)
I don't care that you have brown eyes. You're still my mother.
I did a poop carrot.
Mommy, if someone wanted to buy you it would be as much money as you could count to.
Soon I'll have tattoos all over my body just like Daddy does.
I wanna learn karate AND ballet. So that way I can dance AND punch someone in the face.
You could fit all of your food in infinity tortillas.
When you say "no", bad things happen.
He's so cute he made me cry a little bit!
You have a hot car there. (re: ‘78 Camaro)
I'm the sheriff, and I'm going to shoot you, cuz you are the rooter tooter!
One time I tried to communicate with a squirrel. I think I said "shut up".
This is my secret: my library teacher's a witch!
And then there's this legend of god.
Mom, you have gel! (regarding arm fat)
Curse you Kira!
Ooh I love this game! Boxing! Punching!
Kira (4 years old)
Dad did they put Jell-O in your hair? (re: barber shop)
I'm very sick tomorrow.
You wanna play "sister sister get your pretty sunglasses"?
Will my hands be like yours someday (to Mom)?
Yes, when you get older.
That's gonna be a terrible day.
Because they weren't too much quite a little bit my size.
When you push it out, it feels yellow.
A tea of cup!
But I need to be as mean as possible.
Those were the burps inside my cup while I was drinking.
I wish I could kill a bad guy and a coyote when I get bigger.
Dads can laugh like that cuz they have a tiny apple inside. (pointing to her throat)
Dad, I like my school. Some people call me crybaby though.
Mom, I don't like "Kira" anymore. I like "Batgirl".
My eyebrows hurt!
Diva-dee. (re: dvd)
What did I just swallow?
Hi Lily! We're having zombie barf today!
I tried everything I could to stop myself. (re: fingernail polish on the furniture).
Mom? I'm hot.
Then take your clothes off.
But they look cool on me!
We're trying to do America's Dumbest Stuff on Wheels!
One animal I'm allergic to...and that would be jaguars.
I love candy! But I don't love diabetes.
Mom I love this so bad!
It tastes like trees...I mean polka dots. (re: cottage cheese)
My brother's name is 'diculous.
I'm tired of standing. I'm not tired of sitting or laying.
Dad let's play that game, "stay away from my hairy armpits".
Jade! You're attacking my story!
Mom my belly feels like it's gonna die.
I think I broke a bone in my lip.
Mom! What the hell are you doing!?! (to Mom going into the garage to do laundry)
You could shake anemones' hand.
Mom, today I want to kill a chihuahua.
Ohhhh...I thought a chihuahua was a monster. (several days later)
Mom, are people meat?
Mom, are people meat?