Thursday, February 23, 2012

Kid Talk

These are my nieces, Jade and Kira. And these are some of the things they said in 2011 (my sister, their mother, sent me a hilarious list of their best quotes in 2011):

Jade (7 years old)

I don't care that you have brown eyes. You're still my mother.

I did a poop carrot.

Mommy, if someone wanted to buy you it would be as much money as you could count to.

Soon I'll have tattoos all over my body just like Daddy does.

I wanna learn karate AND ballet.  So that way I can dance AND punch someone in the face.

You could fit all of your food in infinity tortillas.

When you say "no", bad things happen.

He's so cute he made me cry a little bit!

You have a hot car there. (re: ‘78 Camaro)

I'm the sheriff, and I'm going to shoot you, cuz you are the rooter tooter!

One time I tried to communicate with a squirrel. I think I said "shut up".

This is my secret: my library teacher's a witch!

And then there's this legend of god.

Mom, you have gel!  (regarding arm fat)

Curse you Kira!

Ooh I love this game! Boxing! Punching!

Kira (4 years old)

Dad did they put Jell-O in your hair? (re: barber shop)

I'm very sick tomorrow.

You wanna play "sister sister get your pretty sunglasses"?

Will my hands be like yours someday (to Mom)?
Yes, when you get older.
That's gonna be a terrible day.

Because they weren't too much quite a little bit my size.

When you push it out, it feels yellow.

A tea of cup!

But I need to be as mean as possible.

Those were the burps inside my cup while I was drinking.

I wish I could kill a bad guy and a coyote when I get bigger.

Dads can laugh like that cuz they have a tiny apple inside.  (pointing to her throat)

Dad, I like my school.  Some people call me crybaby though.

Mom, I don't like "Kira" anymore.  I like "Batgirl".

My eyebrows hurt!

Diva-dee. (re: dvd)

What did I just swallow?

Hi Lily! We're having zombie barf today!

I tried everything I could to stop myself. (re: fingernail polish on the furniture).

Mom? I'm hot.
Then take your clothes off.
But they look cool on me!

We're trying to do America's Dumbest Stuff on Wheels!

One animal I'm allergic to...and that would be jaguars.

I love candy! But I don't love diabetes.

Mom I love this so bad!

It tastes like trees...I mean polka dots. (re: cottage cheese)

My brother's name is 'diculous.

I'm tired of standing. I'm not tired of sitting or laying.

Dad let's play that game, "stay away from my hairy armpits".

Jade!  You're attacking my story!

Mom my belly feels like it's gonna die.

I think I broke a bone in my lip.

Mom!  What the hell are you doing!?!  (to Mom going into the garage to do laundry)

You could shake anemones' hand.

Mom, today I want to kill a chihuahua.
Ohhhh...I thought a chihuahua was a monster. (several days later)

Mom, are people meat?



Aline said...

lololol that was hilarious (and adorable). you've got some good genes, those little girls are gorgeous!

GFS said...

I swear to you....I laughed soooooooooooo hard at all of this!!!!!! My students were trying to figure out what I was reading!

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even pick a favorite!

Cheryl Ann said...

GAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ohmyGOD, i am DYING! your nieces are adorable and hilarious!!!

Trissta said...

Hahaha I love it!! Kids have the best quotes ever. I'm going to have to start keeping a list of my own nieces and nephews best quotes! :)

Much Love,

JUST ME said...

I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to jaguars too. Especially to jaguars who want to eat me.

Lynn said...

I wish I had done this when my kids were little. Good on your sister!

Trixie said...

LOL! LOVE THIS! I used to write down stuff my son said. Hilarious! And this:

I wanna learn karate AND ballet. So that way I can dance AND punch someone in the face.

should be the motto of every girl!


Jen: Sunsets and Swimming Pools said...

OMG- that's seriously hysterical. Although I have issue with Kira and her hate of coyotes and chihuahuas ;)

Dancing Branflake said...

Oh my goodness I can't stop laughing!!!!! I can't I can't I can't!

Phoenix said...

"I wanna learn karate AND ballet. So that way I can dance AND punch someone in the face." <---- this kid is my new hero. I like where her head's at.

These were too.damn.hilarious.

Great post!

Behold the Metatron said...



Lara said...

What smart, funny, beautiful, little nieces you have! I bet their parents are constantly entertained! I also bet they manage to get themselves out of a lot of trouble, being so clever!

Lara said...

What smart, funny, beautiful, little nieces you have! I bet their parents are constantly entertained! I also bet they manage to get themselves out of a lot of trouble, being so clever!


HAAAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH. This is saving my day.

Anonymous said...

Ahhh! I'm dying laughing! What a couple of great kids!

Kitty Stampede said...

HILARITY. Waaay too many good ones. Kids are such natural comedians. I totally want to do this if I ever have kids someday. This world would suck without kids, just the same as it would suck without animals.

they are so so adorable. in brains and in looks.

Felicia said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! I wish I had kept a diary of things my nephew said! It's a cliche but it's true: Kids say the darndest things. My fave is "And then there's this legend of god." Your nieces are so cute!

drollgirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kellie said...

I love kid comments! Hilarious.

Speaking of dancing and karate, I used to take kickboxing at a karate place and our instructor would break out dancing every now and then. We called it "karancing". He looked like a dumb ass but it gave us good laughs. :)

Ashton King said...

"I wanna learn karate AND ballet. So that way I can dance AND punch someone in the face."

That made me literally laugh out loud.

Kathryn said...

LOL. Kids say the funniest things.

SabinePsynopsis said...

Absolutely priceless! & truly your nieces, J. Gotta remember some of these quotes. Keep them coming, girls!

diane said...

Your nieces are adorable!! My favorites are "When you say "no" bad things happen" and "you're killing my story". Genius.

Maria Trendy said...

Your nieces are so cute, congragulations. Greetings from Uruguay

Claire Kiefer said...

SOOOO FUNNY. And my, are they beautiful girls. I'm glad your sister is recording these funny things cause too many people don't and then forget!

Alisa said...

Love these!

Once we were eating chicken for dinner and my son said "Funny... chicken (pointing to his dinner) and chicken the animal, they have the same name!" My daughter said, "chicken (pointing to her dinner) and chicken the animal are the same thing!"

The horror on my son's little face "WHAT?!!"

He didn't eat chicken again for a long time. If we had chicken for dinner he'd say "Poor chicken"

Kids are so sweet!

Daniela said...

laughed out loud at this one! too bad she couldn't record all of these! That would make for some fabulous you tube-ing.

chloe said...

could totally make a book from these! my personal favourite is "when you say no, bad things happen", wise beyond their years x

his_girl_friday said...

Very cute!

Katie said...

But they look so cool on me!! Yes! Congratulations on having hilarious nieces.

My sis-in-law just had her first bb girl yesterday - so excited!

Kristine said...

Super funny and cute! They obviously take after their auntie!

WendyB said...

Lip bones are so easily broken!

Miss Caitlin S. said...

hahhah, that is hilarious. Kids say the darndest things... the arm gel one reminds me of when I was in Target last week. I was in the dressing room and a Mom and her about 5-year-old I would guess were in the one adjacent to me. I heard the Mom try something on she felt good in and said "I think this will work, Sally- what do you think??" and the little girl said "I like it, it's funny your bottom looks bigger than Grandma's in that!".

The Mom did a defeated laugh and I was over there cracking up. Kids are so funny.

These girls are beautiful too.

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Poop carrot? Batgirl? Your nieces are too funny!

Chic 'n Cheap Living

Kristin said...

Ummmm, could they be any cuter...or more hilarious!

Tia said...

A. They are freakin CUTE!

B. hilarious. I could listen to little kids talk crazy all day.

Fashion, Art and other fancies said...

Brilliant quotes and what intelligent nieces you have too;-)

Caroline said...

so freaking cute...adn funny!!!

Mandy_Fish said...

"But I need to be as mean as possible!"

I've had those days too.

十十f十 said...

they're soooo smart and so cuteeeee!

melifaif said...

just priceless!!! they really do say the darndest things. I need to write more of Layla's down. Love funny.

Lorena said...

too cute.
what a great idea to jot down their quotes.