Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Clingy

close up

Mr. Munchkin & Calvin



Like Tarzan & his Jane

Bambi


The other day the boyfriend was telling me that he found one aspect of my personality particularly difficult to deal with...my independence. He said he was accustomed to "clingy" women, and that my independence was sometimes frustrating. My response was, "So, what EXACTLY is the problem???" thinking who in the hell would voluntarily sign up to deal with a clingy person?!?!? Who wants to be with someone that is CLINGY and SUFFOCATING?!?!?!?  But I guess the ideal relationship finds a balance between partnership and individuality. I guess?

Thoughts on this?


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31 comments:

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I think it's excellent that you're independent! Those photos are too cute though!

Miss Absinthe said...

If they want clingy they know where they can go. NEVER apologize for being independent!!! Nothing attractive about a needy man. It's caused probs in my marriage sometimes, but I stick to my guns bc thats who I am.
If you change, you become resentful, wondering how you got lost.

Ask him specifically what he wants that he's not getting and go from there. Good luck.

Trixie said...

That cat looks terrified!

I am not normally clingy and I dont normally like clingy but I also find there is a difference between independent and absent. My husband would say he is independent and I would say he is absent and that he ignores me (sorry if too personal). But maybe your boyfriend is feeling a lesser version of what I feel. I dont need to have you on me constantly but I need to know you want me around.

Morgan said...

Independence is a good thing! He should embrace it! :)

Cheryl Ann said...

Destiny's Child wrote a 2-part song about independent women, for god's sake...he should be thanking the heavens you're not a stage-5 clinger (name that movie).

clingy people drive me crazy. people who are exceptionally needy just grate on my nerves and i can't deal.

maybe he just feels as though you can do it all and he's not used to that...? let him come over and change a light bulb every once is a while or something ;)

Annabelle Archer said...

My thoughts?

This is further proof they (men) don't know what they want.

They equate clingy to crazy/deperate and independence to lack of interest.

Farah said...

OMG OMG OMG...boyfriend???!! I'm so behind!!!

But I think it's great to be independent, but sometimes (sooooometimes) it's nice to know that your partner needs you. just my two cents. ;)

xo

Dancing Branflake said...

My girlfriends and I were just talking about this last night. She loves her man but doesn't always wanted to hang out with him EVERY SINGLE DAY. She has a life and living it fully. I think that's the most attractive thing, although maybe not convenient for a man because they want what they want when they want it. And when they don't? They say, "Why are you so clingy?"

melifaif said...

LOL. Clingy as in the photos you put with this post would be highly annoying. I think the bf is looking for a lil more love and affection. Outside of the bedroom. ;) Catching up over here....bare with me.

Alisa said...

That's funny. Men... can't please 'em!

Love this post, great photos!

SabinePsynopsis said...

Aaahhh, come on - nothing like a bit of sweet clinginess like these guys here!

sporkgasm said...

I think some men take independence as a lack of interest, ESPECIALLY if they are used to clingy women. I have never been clingy. But I do try and let my boyfriend know I'm thinking about him once a day. Mostly because we only see each other once a week or so.

Hopefully since he brought it up and you told him you're just not a clingy person, but that doesn't mean you don't care about him, you guys can move forward. Sometimes you just have to have a discussion about things and it makes them better.

Lara said...

Oh girl, I know what you mean. D said the same thing to me.
Try making an effort to send him a sweet little text once a day around lunch time and asking for help once in a while (even though you really don't need it). I don't know what it is about men but they need to feel needed in more than just the sex/companionship capacity.

Such fragile creatures.

Jen said...

Dweeb. Did he really say
"particularly difficult to deal with?"

Claire Kiefer said...

Haha, Matt had the same complaint about me when we started dating. He still calls me LMI (Little Miss Independent) when we're arguing. Both Matt & A have been married before, so maybe they're more comfortable with domesticity than we are? I'm coming around, though. I really like living together, and I don't think I ever thought I'd say that!

E said...

My thoughts: boys are silly. Animals, however, are adorable.

Lorena said...

Hate clingy. Being clingy or having a clinger.
Independent is the way to go - to me independent is a compliment...

bananas. said...

in other words, the boyfriend is one lucky bastard to be free of clingy woman and standing beside one kick ass independent!

btw i don't find your independence difficult to deal with one bit.

mermaid gallery said...

independent...or ...hard to control....some men actually like women without original thought!!...boring but dependable...like an airhead.....

girlunwinding said...

Guys say that want a women who can do things for herself BUT when they commit to a relationship they like to know they are hanging around for a reason and not just because they are the ding dong trolly captain (get my drift). Any who, by throwing them a needy girl bone every now and then you can skate on some jobs that well, who wants to do. Have him pick up some of your groceries on the way over. Pump the gas in your car. Give him a "work situation" to mull over; ironically they enjoy solving social problems.
When you partner up with someone sometimes someone pushes while the other pulls, you can't always be in the lead. No one wants to stare at an ass all day. hehehe.
~Dawn

rach said...

tell him obviously clingy doesnt work since those were all PREVIOUS relationships and that independence is a great thing so he better get used to it!! I'm very independent myself and my husband has no issue with it and if he did then its tough cookies to him! :) ok I'll put my soap box away now hehe!

Camila Faria said...

I guess I'm not super clingy, but, after this post, I think I need a hug! :)

diane said...

I speak man, here, I'll translate:
Babe, how come you don't fawn over me like all my other b*tches did? And why don't you come a runnin' every time I whistle for you? That sh*t makes me feel uncomfortable.

It's time to re-evaluate the relationship. Does this guy want a mother-ho or does he want a mature independent woman?

Monica L. Shulman said...

OMG. Who knows what they want. I always wonder what they must think we are thinking. I guess every one is looking for someone who is the ideal balance of the two...normal, with a splash of crazy. It's just that some days we are more "normal" (whatever that means) and other days we are more nuts. I guess the important thing is to find someone who loves you for you, no matter your mood on any given day. no?

Kitty Stampede said...

Independence is the way to go, woman!! I am exactly that too. Clingy is creepy.

Kristine said...

Aww, the poor guy is probably just feeling a wee bit insecure cuz he likes you so much. He's probably feeling a little clingy himself. I definitely like doing my own thing. When my husband proposed my worst fear was the prospect of having to live with somebody. That being said I think I can be clingy. Is it possible to be both?

NellieVaughn said...

Anything I would have to say on this would serve as an example on what not to do. I was clingy in one relationship. One. Mostly, I am fiercely independent, and unwilling to sacrifice any part of my life for another. And the whole touching bit, I am okay with it sometimes.

Jessica ( frellathon ) said...

So he wants clingy? And yeah clingy sucks who wants to be that chick man there must be a ton of them out there. Clearly we are even more awesome than we thought. I confess to being the clingy one once my first relationship I was young and stupid but then I got old and wise and things changed now I get told I'm worse than a guy. Yeah I'm okay with that.

Kathryn said...

Perhaps it means he is growing up and ready for a real relationship as he now wants to be with an independent woman instead of an insecure, clingy little girl.

feathermar said...

I think boys think that they should be needed. Boys don't want to be needed but they think that they SHOULD be needed. I'm lucky. My husband does nice things that I have no idea how to do, and then teaches me to use the nail gun.

Aline said...

i tried to be the "anti-marriage" girl to avoid being the "i-need-to-get-married princess girl" it just made things worse. just be who you are!