Thursday, September 20, 2012


still from The Descent

Proceed with caution -- this post is all about PERIODS, as in menstrual cycles.

Joy of all possible joys, my latest period has lasted over FOUR FUCKING WEEKS. 

I absolutely loathe going to see any type of doctor, so instead of doing what I should have done a week ago, I scrambled all over the internet and polled friends and family to see if ANYONE had ever experienced something similar.

I was a little nervous to ask my Mom (she being the woman that can't say "breast" or "bra", let alone "hoo hoo") about her periods, but I finally wrote her a quick email and explained my situtation. I knew she had had a hysterectomy when I was a teenager, but I didn't know why.  This is what she wrote me:

Hysterectomy at age 38, in 1980. Fibroids. Periods were sometimes 2 weeks apart and sometimes lasted 10 days. Whenever I would fly (airplane) or go to different altitude seemed to start period, regardless of when I had last one. I had a lot of clots, also. They did not take my ovaries so did not have those problems that come with menopause then. Definitely get it checked out, icky though it is. They told me I needed one at about 35 but kept putting it off. Let me know if you need any more info. Love, mom

GULP! How horrendous is that?!?!?!? So after reading about my Mom's issues, I finally emailed my doctor. At first he thought I might just be experiencing PERIMENOPAUSAL SYMPTOMS -- which is a horrifying prospect in and of itself -- but he revised his assessment when he reviewed my family medical history which includes ovarian, uterine and breast cancer. He referred me to an OB/GYN, and I finally went to see her yesterday.

MORE JOY, my period was very, very heavy the day of my appointment with the OB/GYN. OMFG, HOW DISGUSTING IS THAT?!?!?!? Despite the fact that my mortification level was THROUGH THE FUCKING ROOF, the doctor didn't seem all that deterred and got busy checking out my insides.  Apparently it is difficult to get a good ultrasound reading if a woman is on her period -- the gore must get in the way -- but she tried.  She ended up taking a couple of biopsies (OUCH -- that is where they "snatch" a couple of chunks tissue samples from your insides).

The doctor told me the prolonged bleeding could be a fluke hormonal shift due to stress, or it could be something minor, or something semi-minor, or it might be semi-serious, or worse. GULP.  But the biopsy results should come back within a week. Fingers crossed that all will be ok. In the meantime, she put me on a hormonal med that should even out my whackadoo cycle. Hopefully, as I am sick to death of having my period. Then again, I am not jumping up and down at the thought that I might need a hysterectomy if things are bad.  But I am getting ahead of myself, and I just need to wait for those damn test results so that I know what needs to be done.

Enough about me!  Any similar stories out there???? Thank the lard above we can just talk about this shit now-a-days.


sporkgasm said...

I have had polycystic ovaries since I can remember. My mom had an emergency hysterectomy at my age. Our hormones are so screwy it made me grow weird patchy facial hair. I went and got lasered 'cause I couldn't handle it.

When I had my tubes blocked I told them to just take out the ovaries since I didn't need them but they refused. I'm sure I'll have to go in and get them removed in a few years. I used to have no period for months, then two week periods, then I'd go a few more months. My cycle has regulated out lately.

I hope the news comes back to show no irregularities. But I have known a lot of people who've had partial or complete hysterectomies and there have been very minimal side effect. I mean, who doesn't want a hot flash every now and then? :)

Dancing Branflake said...

Oh man, I'm so sorry. I'll email you with all my female troubles. Mine's never lasted four weeks, but mine's pretty bad. I'm supposed to get done what you got done, but... I'm a wimp and I don't want to go. You are much braver than I.

Maegan Tintari said...

oh for the love of TOM HARDY... can't life just be easy?


Your mom's response was priceless, as if it came directly from the doctor's evaluation, lol.


Kaylei said...

Girl. Internet hug. I get pissed when it's longer than 7 days... you deserve a plaque on your wall and a handshake with the president or something.

Cheryl Ann said...

i can't say i've ever had the same issues, but i feel for ya, woman. 4 weeks of flow is no fun and i can't even begin to imagine how exhausted you must be. hang in there - hope the test results give you some relief!

**the picture on this post made me gag. so gross!

melifaif said...

Thinking of you. I hope all is well. And sorry I can't "shed" anymore light on the sit-ee-ation. Not really. I am glad. But it sucks knowing you are going through this.

Claire Kiefer said...

Glad you went to the doc since you were so worried. And while I suspect you will be fine, I would be panicking, too. Sucks when doctors are like "it could be nothing or it could be very serious." UM, NO SHIT.

Women's lives and bodies are so much more complicated than men's. Sigh.

K.Line said...

What a fucking bitch. As a woman who is actually experience the symptoms of peri-menopause (we start it a little bit early in my family) I can tell you that I also seem to have my period for longer and longer - not that I'm trying to compare our situations. Keep us posted on this. I'm sure your experience will be very helpful to a lot of other women out there. (Not that you should chronicle it unless you are comfortable with that, obviously..._

Kianwi said...

My friend recently had a D&C because she was having some similar trouble. It really helped her and was for the most part not too invasive.

Also, if it does turn out to be fibroids, you may not have to have a hysterectomy. One of my friends is an interventional radiologist and he says they treat women with fibroids all the time, as an alternative to hysterectomy. Make sure to check into that option if needed.

I hope things turn out to be something minor and easy to treat.

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. I love that you post about this stuff. Women need to share more.

I just had cystocele surgery due to the fact that my bladder was falling. No joke. Did you know your bladder and uterus can actually fall out? I also had the bladder incontinence mesh added for when I laugh and pee my pants.

I'm only 45!! Two kids and bad genes. It sucks!!

Anyhow, I am crossing my fingers that your issue is a temp issue!

p.s. Sorry to hear about your bad experience with architects :)

Jo said...

i can't imagine four weeks of flow! i'm so sorry you're going through this! men have it so easy! your mom's response was awesome, by the way. very, the point. ;) fingers crossed for good news from your test results!!

Trissta said...

Well, I know nothing about the likes of peri-menopause... but I could shed a little sympathy and maybe a little glimmering of light on the subject of OB/GYNs for you. I've always had super bad, really heavy periods, even my first one was pretty bad. My Drs have always attributed it to the fact that I'm really active and have muscular something or other that would cause heavy cramps and bleeding.... However, once I gave up the cherry and joined the big girls club, I insisted on getting a PAP smear. My GYN refused, because I was 20 (gasp, I know. I'm a harlot) and told me I should wait until I was 21. 6 months later, I was in the stirrups and the pap smear came back severely abnormal. I went in for immediate biopsies and tests, which all came back with severe displaysia (sp?). I had severe growths of cancer cells in and around my cervix. Ended up having a LEEP procedure done, where the Dr inserts an electrified wire loop up into your hoo haa and scrapes all the cells off the 'lips' of the cervix. Hurt like a bitch. And totally screwed me up mentally. I didn't even want to think about sex for a long long time. It beyond scared the crap out of me. I now have PAPs every 6 months, until a continuous batch comes back normal (They say it should have 1.5 - 3 years of continuous normal PAPs in order to go back to yearly, however, with my luck, it's been after two good ones, the third one comes back crazy. Vicious vicious cycle). It sucks, and I'm so so sorry that you've had these problems lately. However, I would like to point out, that even at it's worst, the most damage it could do would be a hysterectomy. Things could be much much much worse. I had come to the conclusion that I would (still might) need one within the near future. I sincerely hope that it's not anything serious, but I do hope you'll keep us updated. You're not alone in your woes (believe me, I'm like your double trouble twin with all of them!) and have an amazing support system!!

Much Much MUCH love,

krista said...

girl. i like to call my girl bits 'area 51' cause shit goes on in there that no one really understands. we're all just guessing.
i've had cysts rupture, i have hpv. i had a tubal done last year after my second baby and now i have the worst periods ever. oh, and pms (which i never had.) a lot of pain, really heavy cycles.
my mom had a hysterectomy in her thirties because of some of the same issues and it makes me wonder:
how is it we can land on fucking mars but our best solution for figuring out women's bodies is to remove everything?

Tom Tuttle from Tacoma said...

I didn't understand many of the terms mentioned. I suspect menopause will come for me soon... My period is almost always on time but lately the flow has been inconsistent and generally shortened. I was once told I had a blood cyst inside me and then it vanished. That's all I got. I'm glad you got your ma's advice and that you finally attended to it. I've been trying to influence a colleague to get herself checked. She's fine but she's not doing it for all the wrong reasons.

Crystal Capritta said...

Just thought I'd comment with something similar I went through about 5 years ago. I had been on birth control pills for about 6 years at the time and all of the sudden my periods went wonky even though I was on the pill. I was bleeding 3 weeks and not 1 week - total opposite cycle! They tried switching me to other pills, hormonal methods (the ring). Finally I decided to go off the pills to "reset" my body. I immediately went back to my normal cycle and haven't taken any other hormones since, and I have been like clockwork. Sometimes your body is just trying to tell you that it's not liking the way you are trying to control it ;)

Mandy_Fish said...

I read this with my legs tightly crossed.

I hope your tests come back negative. Keeping my fingers crossed too!

Kristine said...

Yikes! You poor thing, you must be so exhausted! I am mad as hell on day one of my period and I can't wait for it to be over. I can't imagine 4 weeks. Bloody hell! So sorry you have to worry in the meantime. I will be crossing my fingers. A friend of mine had the opposite problem and couldn't get her period for months and she tried acupuncture. It took a few months but her periods are completely regular now. Just a thought...If men had to experience this crap there would have been solutions to this craziness. Same thing with mammograms. I hate having my boobs crushed between a plastic plate and I am sure if men needed to slap their penises on a plastic plate and have it crushed there would have been a saner solution ages ago. Hope everything is okay!

SabinePsynopsis said...

I had similar problems a while ago - a badly fitting IUD... when I had it removed everything was hunkydory again. Guess that's not a possible problem in your case, is it? I hope it's just temporary and will sort itself out soon, but you should definitely have it checked out!

SabinePsynopsis said...

I had similar problems a while ago - a badly fitting IUD... when I had it removed everything was hunkydory again. Guess that's not a possible problem in your case, is it? I hope it's just temporary and will sort itself out soon, but you should definitely have it checked out!

cerebral e said...

Periods fucking suck. My sympathy.

I have a girl friend who has light periods and never had period pain or any of the other lovely things that go with it (bloating, diarrhoea, vomiting, nausea, headaches, breakouts,...). She also doesn't need to wax her bikini line because it's naturally bikini shaped. Bitch.

WendyB said...

You hate going to a doctor more than bleeding for weeks on end? Realllly? You crazy, girl! The doctor didn't mention fibroids as a possibility? Very common cause for excessive bleeding and the reason for an enormous number of hysterectomies -- but now there are other options for removing just the fibroids (benign tumors) and leaving everything else intact. Options include myomectomy and uterine artery embolization. It depends on the size and location of the fibroids. You'll need a vaginal ultrasound to determine that. Good luck!

GFS said...

I love how "all business" your mom it when it comes life issues:)

When we were kids, we never thought we would get to be the "adults" that went through these things. Yet here we are...a blessing and a curse at times:)

Kathy said...

i'm glad that your results came back negative; it's always horrible when you have to wait for stuff like that... like the waiting itself isn't torture!

periods fucking suck large. last week i was so incredibly bloated and PMS so hard that i was filled with homicidal rage the entire week. i freaked out on my mom and husband over not being able to find a jar; like freaked out and started slamming the drawers! i had to leave and take a breather and my husband came up to me with true fear in his eyes and asked me if everything was ok LOL.

so yeah, periods suck hard.