Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Oh Brother

My brother has been selling Herbalife crap for years now.  He recently quit his REAL job so that he could dedicate ALL of his working time to Herbalife.  So this basically means he is updating his stupid facebook page every five seconds with Herbalife pitches and promotions.  He also sends out emails announcing Herbalife products, plus testimonials, and motivational quotes, etc.  I CANNOT STAND IT.   Businesses that encourage their drones to solicit from family and friends are the worst!!!!!!!!!!  Way to abuse and alienate the ones you supposedly love.  ACES!!!!!!!!  It is so aggravating. 

My brother recently updated his facebook page to include a half nude pic of himself.  I guess this is his testimonial to Herbalife and weight loss and all of that crap.  HURL.  I mean come on.  It all gags me.

my moronic brother
This is my brother's new facebook profile pic (well, I edited out his real name and tried to somewhat disguise his identity).  
REAL KLASSY, BROTHER.  REAL KLASSY.   
His mother must be so proud.  
 WHY ARE YOU SO RED?!
Put a shirt on, chicken chest.



And here are samples of his stupid facebook updates:

My Moronic Brother 2

My Moronic Brother 3

My Moronic Brother 4

TOOL BAG


Do any of you have family or friends that inundate you with crap products constantly? How do you handle it?

When I was a teenager my brother started selling Amway products. After a Thanksgiving dinner, he gathered family and extended family into the living room and gave them an Amway sales pitch. I replied to his stupid sales pitch with a verbal assault that made all present VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.  But it made my stupid brother keep his stupid sales pitches to himself -- at least for a while. Maybe it is time to do that again.

28 comments:

Felicia said...

Not sure what is worse: your brother or mine, who was a drug addicted loser who didn't move out of my parent's house until after I did...and he's 10 years older than me!!! Guess we both have tools in our families, hahaha!

KaH said...

oh gosh... Amway?!?

Dancing Branflake said...

Freakin Amway. Ruined America.

Heff said...

That's fucking HILARIOUS !!!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I have a purely moronic brother too but I guess I should thank my lucky stars that he doesn't sell Herbalife!

Regina said...

I freakin' love you-

"WHY ARE YOU SO RED?!
Put your fucking shirt on, chicken chest."

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I am still laughing at that one-


Kana said...

Can't wait for the next major family holiday! Please record your diatribe to transcribe word-for-word...wouldn't want to miss even a single syllable!

Seems like he's given to such companies, given his shady Amway past. Just edit him out of your social media...you don't have to let him drive you nuts, when he's not even actually there! Save it for family dinners. :P

reread said...

OMG - you are hilarious! Farrrk if my bro did that I'd give him a good swift kick up the ar$e. I have a cousin in Finland who is a bit shanty, shanty ra ra and is into some kind of nutrition, health thing - but she only posts occasionally. That herbalife crap - what even is that stuff. It's like all those protein drinks - do these idiots know they're paying top dollar for the watery shit that you get on the top of yoghurt for free. Your ranty rant, rant seems to have encouraged my ranty rant, rant.

Trissta {Living on the Chic} said...

Oh lord. I've always tried to be supportive of crap my siblings have done, but if any one of them (there's six of us) got this bad about it, I would probably unfriend them. Just sayin'.

Much Love,
Trissta

PS. I bought some Herbalife powder the other day... from Salvation Army. lmao.

MarlaD said...

This is f'en hilarious! My sides hurt from laughing! Similar to Felicia, I have an alcoholic brother who at 50 has NEVER left home...yep, basically unemployable (like three teeth left) and still lives with mom. So at least your brother is (relatively) harmless, and fodder for mocking in public.

sporkgasm said...

It's so like a weird cult to me, these things. For a while my brother was selling this weird acai juice shit and trying to get people to buy cases and sell what they didn't want for personal use. It was a total pyramid scheme, just like Amway. So weird.

Caroline said...

OMG...I seriously can't imagine you related to someone like this. It's mind blowing...

kathy @ vodka and soda said...

my cousins got into something like this (not herbalife) but sales for something. they called and called and email etc for meetings but like you, i HATE this stuff. if it means a free trip at the end but you have to stay for some kind of long-ass presentation, i will still not go; i hate that stuff THAT much.

it's even more weird when a family member does it because you feel so obligated to buy it or "help". so i straight up told my cousins that it doesn't make me feel comfortable doing business with them and that was the end of it.

Tia said...

No offense. I mean seriously, no offense, you know I adore you.
But what. an. asshat!!
How are you from the same family, let alone womb, as this guy??
And I hate Sonya Nunes and Marina M Ware on principle alone.

Anne said...

When my kid's came home with school fundraisers I asked them if they want to do that to the people they love or neighbors we have to see now and then. They understood.

I make jewelry and only feel validated when strangers buy from me. Friends literally have to beg and beg for me to bring out my wares...well, that's mostly because I'm lazy and hate dragging stuff out. Thank god no one I know tries to sell shit to me...besides THEIR GOD sometimes. That's a whole 'nother post I'm waiting for you to write.

Lorena said...

In order to avoid being haunted and hunted down by people selling Amway, Avon, Pampered Chef, Herbalife or else I always say no the first time. EVEN IF I want something, the moment I have said yes is the end.
It also upsets me, there is a moment for everything.
I'd hate to be his girlfriend. It's like they become stalking sellsmen. I can totally relate.

Annabelle Archer said...

Well shit.

I am a product of a product(that I shall not pimp out here) that has done wonders for my weight loss and non pharmaceutical depression management. HOWEVER, I will only post something about it on the facie if there is a killer sale or if I myself have accomplished a self made goal - so very rarely is my point.

I don't want to ever be THAT friend, so while I try to be positive about the company I go for the modest, let you come to me approach.

Jen said...

OMG. HEE-LARIOUS! My sister tried to sell some crap like that and I was all " but it's weight loss products and anti-aging stuff and well, you're kinda fat and old looking so how's that gonna go over?"

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

I love how you tagged a post about your brother under "Aliens". I never post on Facebook and find it far more fun to comment, make fun of those that do ;)

xoxo,
Chic 'n Cheap Living

cerebral e said...

I am lucky with my sister. I do have a male cousin who is a model/actor and has recently been updating facebook with every photo taken of him ever...plus photos of all his awards/certificates...including his under 30kg judo award from the early 1980s.

Kristine said...

Wow. I'm sorry. This is one of the many many reasons I hate facebook. Condolences....

Anonymous said...

My husband's mother sells all kinds of shit. It was Nonie juice for a while. HELLO...they sell it at Costco. What makes matters worst is I've gained weight since we got married and she's constantly trying to sell me weight loss products. It's so uncomfortable that after 17 years I still don't know how to handle it. I just squirm.

As for my brother, he wants to be a film director and has spent all of his money for years and years on project after project that he gets everyone involved in and excited about and he's never finished one. He even says shit like "Coming soon, the full length feature film..." It makes me insane.

chloe said...

oh my lord, im sorry for laughing at this!
Apart from your amusing(ahm!) brother, i giggled because i remembered my dad bought a HUGE started kit of herbal life years ago and then never managed to sell any of it. my mum was not amused at all, especially because she had to use herbal life product for ages - she couldn't even give it away to her friends, nobody wanted it lol! :/

Kathryn said...

I have never heard of the product, but there are many companies that have adopted cult-like tactics to get people to sell their products, one being to "use" family and friends to help promote their products to create a Ponzi scheme and this sounds like one of them.

Might start by telling him if he over-saturates his market everyone will tune out and see anything he posts as white noise to be ignored, which is true. To be professional, most independent business people set up a separate business page to link to their Facebook page but only post business on their business page.

I worked for a top rated insurance salesman in the country for awhile where he won trips all over the world for being a million dollar earner and he said the number one quality was being affable and a friend while keeping the insurance on the back burner and bring it up only when it seemed appropriate and be their solution. You want them to come to you because they like and trust you and then you can sell them because they think it was their idea. (What sucked and why I could never do it personally is he pushed what was most profitable, not what was the best product for the client).

If he wants to make a go of it, he needs to get his ass to at least a spray tanning booth because people equal tan with healthy but not so overboard that he looks like a freak like the tanning booth mom from the media last year that looked like a burn victim.

Another would be to join a gym in the most expensive zip code closest to where he lives and work out every day and take the stuff with him and talk to and be friendly with every person he comes in contact with as that is his target audience. If he is built and tan, sooner or later they ask him what his secret is, that is his in to sell the product as his "secret".

Maegan Tintari said...

oh dude. oh man. omg. i'm dying laughing. I can't even. I wish I was there to hear you tell the story. I mean, this is almost as good but shit. it's killing me.


Good luck with all that.

SabinePsynopsis said...

Ouch. Poor guy actually (but entertaining :)

WendyB said...

Dying over the Facebook "profile" text you created for him.

melifaif said...

You are a riot...can't stop laughing. :)