Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Family Feud

richard dawson, family feud

I can't get into specifics here, but big trouble has bubbled up (hell, it has boiled over) with the boyfriend and a couple of his family members.  

I THINK I have all of the facts, but I can't be certain.  But from what I know, two turds in his family have wreaked havoc on my boyfriend and his kids, and the whole focacta situation makes my blood boil.  

I have blabbed and yelled and cursed my thoughts to the boyfriend.  And I have decided to bail on some holiday plans that involve his mother Turd A and one of his sisters Turd B.  I just don't want to be around them.  I considered confronting them, but they are not MY family members, and I know it would make things worse.  I am going to leave it to my boyfriend to work things out with those *&^$%@!&!# $%*@#$%!^&*!, if/when he is ready.  I'll be on the sidelines giving him my perspective and my support, but I don't think it would be wise to tear new ones for those two twits, even though I think they certainly deserve it.

I think I am pretty much an avoider most of the time -- I just don't want to deal with conflict if I can help it.  But if/when it crops up and it is unavoidable, it gets ugly.  Real ugly.  I guess I am trying to avoid putting myself into a potentially explosive situation that really wouldn't be helpful for anyone, and that I'd end up having to apologize for some day.  Bleh.  No thanks.  Sometimes time and distance are helpful.  Or maybe that is just me being a wuss. 

How do you handle these types of situations? 


P.S. On a cheerier note, now I have a couple less Christmas gifts to buy.  ;)


Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

yikes! family drama is no fun. fortunately, i don't have any and i consider myself lucky because my family is huge!

hope it all works out!

Vodka and Soda

Jennifer Hyduk said...

Yikes. Yeah, best to steer clear until he deals with it. My husbands family has some drama that I don't get directly involved in but I have told him that if it happens in front of me, I will DEFINITELY voice my opinion. I feel super lucky that my family is super chill and we don't have any issues that get nutty. The worst is my sister sometimes drinks too much at parties and we call her out on it and she thanks us and goes to bed. :) PS- Guess who got her Mini Cooper? ;)

Lorena said...

You're quick to scratch people off you list. I am too.
I do not even want to imagine what it was that they did, but i think the best thing to is to just to stay put.
His family will always be his family and he can forgive them but you cannot.

jennifer from pittsburgh said...

Typically, I too avoid in-law-sh conflict. But, last year at Thanksgiving I did tear into my snobbish, elitist, idiot sister-in-law. And you know what? It made me feel WORSE than if I'd kept silent. There's no reasoning with some people, or breaching their bubble of offensiveness. You do what you have to do to preserve the relationship that you and your bf have, that's what I say.

nicole said...

turd a and turd b? i fucking love you. i find it best to ignore the twats unless you BF enlists your help, then shit could get ugly:) but really, i've found pretending like fucktards don't exist is way easier, and way more impacting than engaging.

Kristine said...

Oh yuck. I hate family drama, or any drama for that matter. My method is usually hide, avoid and silently seethe while plottong elaborate revenge fantasies. Your boyfriend will feel lucky to know you have his back and hopefully that will give him the strength he needs in the battle of the turds. Good luck!

GFS said...

I am with you. Distance yourself. NO matter what, family is family. Even if you are defending your bf/his kids....when the smoke clears and everyone is cool....you will be the one that they whisper about.

(speaking from experience)

I also try to avoid getting in fights because I go in...I GO FOR BLOOD and everyone will HATE me.

IN my family, everyone says "Don't tell Reiko, you know how she gets."

Trissta said...

Hmmmm... I've been in similar situation before, and I know that they are no fun. Honestly, though, I've taken a conflict management class and it has helped me deal with stuff like this SO MUCH EASIER. In the end, though, I think my thoughts are that it's better to distance and let the BF take care of it. It's not your family, not your problem. You can love and support your BF and his kids through this issue. That's all you can really do; you can't fight the battle for them, as much as you would like to. It doesn't do anyone any good if you try to protect them from it. Yes, turd A and turd B are TURDS, but they will get what is coming to them. Karma is a BITCH. And hey, if you ever need someone to talk to, just let me know. I have two open ears and shoulders if they're needed.

Much Love,

KaH said...

I am an avid avoid-er as well. I think all you can do is be a supportive GF and be there for him and his children. If it will cause more conflict later down the road for you and bring you into the whole mess... stay away. I did laugh out loud about Turd A and Turd B. Going to steal that one.

Kathryn said...

I don't think it necessarily being an "avoider" as much as it is being a smart girlfriend.

Don't believe me? Watch a few episodes of "COPS" when a domestic disturbance and you are in the role of the cops.

Unless you are ready to make the jump from girlfriend to next level and enter the War Zone it should be an issue between him and his family.

Although, if you are ready to make the jump, sticking up to him to the turds and appeal to their actions are tearing the family apart might make them respect you more because family is a huge part of the Latin culture.

Anne said...

This is not advice to you but what I realized is my pattern of action:

Although I have no problems with confrontation I don't jump the gun on the bigger/important relationship stuff. When the putting up with or the bending over to maintain peace starts to cause more pain or more dread than what I'm trying to avoid then I blow. I realize that there is no hope of it getting better and it's not for the lack of trying on my part. I blow in a way that make a huge mess...for satisfaction, of course. After that I feel done with it for good. It's therapeutic.