Wednesday, July 8, 2015



Are you touchy about TOUCHING?  I am.  I'm just very particular about who gets to touch me and who doesn't.  Maybe everyone is that way.

I had a dreaded doctor appointment a couple of weeks ago.  I cannot stand going to the doctor.  This was my first physical -- at age 44.  !!!!! 

I compiled a rather lengthy list of ailments to discuss with the doctor.  UGH.  One of my main complaints was the shoulder pain that I have had for 5 years.  FIVE YEARS.  I've tried everything to fix it, short of sawing it off or going to see a doctor about it.  So I told my doctor about the pain, and he said he would order x-rays.  It was weird -- he didn't even LOOK at my shoulder, let alone touch it.  I thought that was strange.  In fact, the only time he touched me during the visit was for my PAP smear.  Pretty sure he has had it with touching patients.  It must be rather gross to TOUCH everyone with problems.   

Side note: the doctor (aged 50 or so) asked me all sorts of questions about my job and how/why I had a job connected to art.  So I answered his questions and then asked him why he became a doctor.   He sighed audibly and answered, "MY MOTHER."  He went on and on about how he HAD to become a doctor (apparently his mother insisted on this) and he seemed so sad about it.  I felt bad for him.  He told me his college years were the worst -- he absolutely HAD to get A's in every subject, so he never had any fun.  He said the pressure was insane.  Even thirty years later he seemed so distressed about it.  He also told me that he could not imagine taking any art or humanities courses -- as he would be terrified to be tested on anything that was subjective.  I just stared at him in wonder when he said that.  He explained that in science, medicine and math tests, there tend to be definitive/irrefutable answers.  Not so much with the humanities.  I processed this slowly, and didn't have the heart to tell him that he REALLY MISSED OUT by denying himself the opportunity to try other things. After this discussion I felt bad for subjecting him to MY medical needs.  But whaddya gonna do.  

Back to touching, years ago I had a boss that I didn't particularly like or respect.  She was the HR Director (insert Dilbert thoughts on HR directors here).  I was sitting and working away at my desk one day when she stood behind me and and randomly pulled my hair aside and started RUBBING MY SHOULDERS. M-M-M-MASSAGING ME. Repulsed at a gut level and not really thinking, I said slowly and emphatically, "STOP   TOUCHING   ME."  She froze.  And then she removed her hands and walked away.  And I am pleased to say that we never had another touching incident again.  Bleh!

Anyway, my doctor referred me to see a physical therapist about my chronic shoulder pain.  I went in for the appointment on Monday -- another dreaded doctor visit.  It was weird, but not terrible.  The physical therapist that I was assigned to was German, or maybe Austrian.  Not that it matters.  Tall and thin with a heavy accent, he was pretty no-nonsense.  He asked a lot of questions and then ordered me around.  And he kept TOUCHING ME.  Like all over the place.  And he didn't even ASK if he could touch me.  But I guess that makes sense -- he had to feel around and ask a zillion questions and try crushing me and remolding my shoulder to make me normal again.  He gave me some exercises to try and so far I think they make me feel worse.  Gah.  But hopefully with time they will help a little and maybe even fix the chronic pain.  

One last thought on uncle can't stand going to see doctors (seems like this condition is hereditary, no?), and he makes a proclamation any time he sees a doctor -- that they are not allowed to TOUCH HIM. LOLOLOLOL!!!

P.S. Some of these stories might be repeats.  SORRY if that is the case!  I am so old This blog is so old that I am bound to repeat shit!


Anonymous said...

I realize this isn't the specific point of the post but... an HR director TOUCHED you without even checking first? Like, isn't that rule 1 on the "don't fucking do this because you're an HR director and you're supposed to know this"???

Jane Droll said...

To put it succinctly, that HR Director was a total fucking idiot. I can't even tell you how many employees she slept with at work. IDIOT. On a cheerier note, she was eventually fired for embezzling. :)

Lorena said...

Oh I feel so bad for that doctor… how he was forced into this career.
I dont mind touching, if its something I am aware of. Like getting a massage, or if I am going to the doctor, I know its prone to happen.
What I LOATHE is people in line rubbing against you, or being so close they cough on your hair. WTF.

jennifer from pittsburgh said...

I will throw up a hand so that people will know NOT to hug me ;) When did this epidemic of hugging start, anyway!?!?

Jen@Road Trip Creative said...

Ewwwwww!!!! Office massages are gross!!!

Ashton Wright said...

It would be weird for ANYONE (except for my husband) to come up behind me and just start massaging my shoulders! I live in the land of everybody-hugs-and-touches-everybody-they-meet which gets awkward for me because I'm barely OK with people I like touching me and NOT ok with strangers even getting close to me.