Wednesday, August 10, 2016

K-I-S-S-I-N-G






















It's probably too soon for me to try and date again, but I recently joined a dating website. It is kind of fun and exciting and terrifying to meet new gents and see if I can find a keeper. 

I'm of the curvy / chubtastic / BBW variety, so I have to draw from the rather small cesspool of interested fellas. There are a few men out there that like 'em chubby, and so far the process has been interesting.....even moderately encouraging.  There appear to be more than a few fish in the sea, and some are interested in me.  Phew!  But so far most gents that like my pics and profile are far, far away in other states and other countries, and that is kind of annoying.  But it is also kind of a relief -- harmless flirting with next to no chance of ever actually meeting is in some ways AOK.

One interested guy that was pretty much WRONG WRONG WRONG, but local and awfully persistent, asked me out and we agreed to meet on a Saturday night.  I felt like I might as well go out with him -- it had been about 5 years since I had been on a date with a new dude, so I figured that it would be good for me to just get one under my belt [not literally].   

This date happened rather suddenly and I didn't have a chance to buy any pepper spray to tuck away in my purse in case he was a creep or worse.  I briefly considered bringing a steak knife with me, but really didn't want to take the chance of slicing open my handbag [or my hand] if I had it in there. So I did the next best thing: I gave my sister his contact info, and told her that if I was found dead HE DID IT, and to make sure that he got the electric chair for killing me.   

So anyway, I drove out to our agreed upon location and found him.  I was a little jittery and nervous, but not tooooooo nervous.  When we saw each other he rushed towards me and as I smiled and said hello, he just grabbed me and kissed me full on the mouth.  WHO DOES THAT?!!!!!  We just met!  GAH!  To top it all off, the kiss was just awful!  Terrible!  I don't even know how to describe it except to say that as it was happening I thought: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?  HAVE YOU EVER DONE THIS BEFORE?!?!?!?!?

He also couldn't stop touching me.  It was like he was petting a dog or something.  UGH!!!!  But the kissing was the worst.

Please note that the conversation wasn't all that either -- we just had zero connection, IMO.  Zero. 

He kissed me again after dinner and asked if I would like to drive out to the beach with him so that he could kill me. I politely declined, thanked him for dinner, told him it was very nice meeting him and talking to him, and said we should call it a night. So again he grabbed me and was all over me and the kissing was just GAG-INDUCING. At one point my thought was A LLAMA WOULD KISS BETTER THAN YOU.  Shudder.  HURL!  Just so bad.  I finally had to push him away from me as I said OKAY OKAY.  THAT'S ENOUGH.

Later that evening he sent me a text, and asked if I'd like to see him the following night.  I thanked him again for the nice evening, but told him I just didn't feel a spark between us [a true statement, albeit an understatement]

This bad kissing experience also made me think about Matt Dillon.  Many, many years ago I heard that Matt Dillon hired a kissing coach to show him how to have good on-screen kissing scenes. I wonder if kissing coaches accept clients other than famous actors?  If so, I have a referral!!!!

Needless to say, my search for a new dude continues -- hopefully one that can kiss properly.  :]



5 comments:

Marla said...

I was going to comment, and when I scrolled down, under "you might also like" is a pic of Jason Momoa. Haha! I do like and I forgot what I was going to write. My limited experience with dating sites was similar to yours - I hope you randomly meet a great guy when you least expect it. I hope I do too.

little luxury list said...

I just gotta say eww and aww. You can only laugh at dates like these right? What was the guy going to accomplish with the mouth mauling? I haven't dated in a while but know there are a lot of weird fish in the ocean. But there are also a few nice ones if you keep swimming ;)

Lorena said...

Ugh... you got a slobber. How terrible.
I wonder if he does this all the time.
At least you got a good laugh out of it and a story to tell to your next date.
Oh and you also learned what NOT to do.

Ashton Wright said...

Good for you for putting yourself out there! I don't know what I would have done had I been in your situation, although 'punch him in the nose' comes to mind, haha.

Kathryn said...

You are a nicer gal than I am, I don't think I could have even got through dinner after that. I went out on an online date once and the guy got mad when I didn't want to smooth after we had dinner.

Guess the only upside is you know he found you attractive and hopefully a good dinner.

I have had friends and acquaintances that have met their soulmate online so it is possible, but I personally didn't have much luck with it. It sounds like you got a "Handsy Harry" and "Scary Larry" all rolled into one. Guess the old adage is true; you have kiss a lot frogs before you meet the prince (and hope not to get molested in the process).